


Esoteric Amour

by and_awful



Series: Esoteric Amour [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-18
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-26 05:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 68,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/and_awful/pseuds/and_awful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm bored, yo! also, it looks REALLY cramped...</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored, yo! also, it looks REALLY cramped...

You’re standing in the middle of the busy café. You’re holding a box of cupcakes, but cannot, for the life of you, remember who they belong to. You turn your head back to your father behind the counter. He is madly checking the many ovens to check that his evil cakes are not burning between taking orders.  
“John!” He yells, attempting to hurry you up.  
Your name is John Egbert. You hate everything related to cakes. Your dad, however, appears to love them so much you suspect it’s gone on the stage of sexual. You shake your head to get the thought far away.  
“I don’t remember who these go to.” You say when you walk up to your dad. He sighs heavily and tells you to go stand on a chair and announce what order of cupcakes you have. You do exactly that. Your dad knows best. “Excuse me.” You say, completely ignored by the customers. “Excuse me,” You say again. “I have an order here of-” Some boy from your school walks past and hits the cupcakes out of your hands.  
“Woops.” He laughs and keeps walking. You stare at him as he walks before getting down off of the chair to clean up the mess he made.  
“Come with me.” Someone said calmly. You look up to see Dave, your best bro, talking to the bully. He was going to fight him, Dave that is, and win. He always stuck up for you, and had the class to do it outside, rather than in your father’s shop.  
You scoop up chunks of cupcake in your hands and throw them in the box. You’re dad is going to be so cross with you, though he wouldn’t show it until you were both alone and at home. Scolding is for the privacy of both the scolder’s ears, and the scoldee’s, he’d say, though you’re certain scolder and scoldee aren’t words.  
You place the box next to your dad and stare up at him. His eyes glide over to the box then back to what he was mixing in a bowl. He sighs. He thought you were useless, and he was right.  
“I dropped them,” You lie. “When I was getting onto the chair.”  
“What were they? I’ll make more.”  
“Six blue tops.” You answer in a weak voice. He sighs again.  
“Okay. Now go take orders. Can you do that for me, champ?” You nod and walk over to the daunting line of customers.  
Many of them ordered cupcakes that were sitting behind the glass on display. You liked when they ordered those, you wouldn’t have to remember their faces. Dave came up to the counter next.  
“You owe me.” He said, looking at the cupcakes on display. “Which one’s the best one? I get it for free, yeah?”  
“I don’t know, I don’t eat a lot of them, these ones though,” You grab a vanilla one out. “Seem to be selling a lot.” You hand it to Dave. He takes a large bite out of it and continues to talk with his mouth full.  
“You’re dad’s a dessert wizard.” He took another bite though he wasn’t finished with the one swimming in his mouth. “When do you get off?”  
“Five.” You answer. Dave attempts to whistle around his food but fails. A rather pathetic airy sound escapes his lips.  
“David,” Your dad says, handing you a new box of cupcakes. “John doesn’t have time to talk.”  
“Sorry, Mr. Egbert. Just thought I deserved a treat for defending your kid again.” Your dad shifts his gaze to you. You take the cupcake out of Dave’s hand as he went to take another bite. “Hey!” You ignore him and turn around to go find whoever these cupcakes belong to. You wanted to be anywhere but there.  
“Son.” Your dad scolds, though he’d swear that’s not a scold. You turn around but keep walking, going backwards.  
“Yes, dad?”  
“Come here.”  
“We don’t have time for chats, dad. You just told Dave off; don’t want to be a hypocrite do you?” You got him there. If there was one thing your father hated more than being a hypocrite, it was being caught out about it.  
“We’ll talk later.” He decides. “They go to that young lady there, with her brother.” He points to a girl in a yellow dress. She looks five. Her older brother stands protectively over her. Everyone is so protective in this town.  
You weave your way through the crowd until you make it to the siblings. You hand the box to the smiling girl and apologise to the brother for the wait. He hands you a twenty dollar bill and tells you to give it to “that kid” for “defending your sorry excuse for a life”. Make that, protective and rude.  
Dave is sitting at a free table when you find him. He has a box of three cupcakes in front of him. He is onto his second.  
“You got a tip.” You say, dropping the bill in front of him and placing his other cupcake in the box. He cocks his head as he takes a bite of the cupcake in his hand. “That man told me to give it to you for defending me.”  
“Cool.” He shoves the rest of the cupcake in his mouth. “Annoy people more often. I like this.” He snatches the bill off of the table and stuffs it into his pocket. “Is there any way you could get off early so we could hang?” You shake your head.  
“Too busy.”  
“Okay. I guess I’ll go home then and give this cupcake to Bro. See you tomorrow.” He nods at you as a cool way of saying goodbye before leaving. You work in as much silence as you can manage for the rest of the day, avoiding your father’s gaze when he talks to you.

Eating dinner is awkward. You feel your dad’s gaze on you, and try your best to act normal, though by being quite, you are anything but. He knows you get picked on in school, but, like you, he is shocked that they’d bring that into your everyday life.  
“What happened?” He asks, sitting his fork down onto his empty plate.  
“What happened when?” You reply, eyes locked to your plate of food.  
“Today, in the shop. Why did David have to defend you?”  
“He didn’t have to, he just likes to fight.” You shrug.  
“Who was it?”  
“Nobody.” You snap. “Nothing happened.”  
“Son, you’re contradicting yourself.” You drop your fork noisily onto your plate and look up to your dad, only to look down again.  
“Some kid who picks on me in school knocked the cupcakes out of my hands.” You whisper. “It was an accident.”  
“Did he hit you?” You shake your head. “Did he try to?”  
“No, he just said ‘woops’ and kept walking.”  
“Did he laugh?” You nod and feel your eyes start to prick with tears. “It wasn’t an accident, sport. Who was it? I’ll ban him from the shop.”  
“That would only make matters worse, dad. Don’t worry.”  
“If it upsets you, I’ll worry.” You don’t say anything. “Look at me.” You stand up from the table, still looking away from your father.  
“I need to go clean the floor.” You answer. It’s your job to clean the shop’s floor when it closes, and your dad’s to clean the ovens and dishes. He decided to have dinner before cleaning up today, probably to interrogate you.  
You walk out of the kitchen, through the living room, and down the spiralling stairs to the shop. Your house is a single floor above the shop. Your dad puts up a gate to the entrance of the stairs when the shop’s open so customers don’t think it’s a second floor with different food or something and go wandering up there. You used to keep glancing to the stairs when you first started working here to make sure no-one went up there. It wouldn’t matter anymore. The shop struggled to get started, and your dad had already bought all the equipment. He sold a lot of stuff from your house to help pay them off. There wouldn’t be anything to steal now if anyone went up there.  
You grab the broom from the closet and begin sweeping up various crumbs from beneath the tables and around the ovens. You brush all the mess into one pile then collect it all up with a dustpan and throw it in the trash. You loathe busy days.  
“I’m going to bed.” You tell your dad when you walk past him as he scrubs the ovens.  
“John, it’s barely seven.”  
“I’m just really tired.”  
“I know when you’re lying, John. Wait on the couch. We’re going to talk about this.”  
“There’s nothing to tal-”  
“Couch.”  
You sit on the small yellowing-with-age couch for twenty minutes or so until your dad walks up to you with his silent steps. He sits on the couch and stares at you. You keep looking at the empty wall in front of you until his stares became uncomfortable. You turn your head to look at him.  
“Not going to speak?” He asks. You look back to the wall and bring your legs up to your chest to hug.  
“There’s nothing to say.” You push. “A stupid kid did a stupid thing to another stupid kid.”  
“You’re not stu-”  
“Yes I am!” You shout, your view becoming blurry from tears. “I’m stupid and useless and a sorry excuse for a human!” You bury your face into your knees as you sob. Your father slides over to sit next to you and pulls you into his arms. You fall helplessly into him, the comfort of his arms pushing more tears out of your eyes. He takes off your glasses and lets you cry into him, running his hand up and down your back, running fatherly through your hair. You cry for a good while, only stopping when you feel ashamed for causing a scene and no longer want to be seen. You call it an early night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of hyper, so we'll see where this goes.

You wake up still a little ashamed with yourself, but not at all upset. Your nose automatically picks up the scent of pancakes. Your dad must be in a good mood, he only takes the time to cook breakfast when he is.  
You slowly get out of your bed and step into the hall. You contemplate sneaking some pancakes before you go to the bathroom and noisily announce your consciousness with a flushing toilet.  
Your bedroom is the first door on the left in the hall. The staircase is immediately to the right of your room. You can see through the living room to the kitchen from your bedroom door. There’s a stack of pancakes on a large plate on the kitchen table. Your dad must be still baking some at the oven, it’s too risky to sneak some. You end up going to the bathroom before the kitchen.  
“Good morning.” Your dad chimes when you sit down.  
“Hi.” You mumble, helping yourself to one of the hot pancakes.  
“How are you feeling?” You raise a shoulder as you shove the pancake into your mouth. “I don’t want you working today.” He says very solemnly.  
“What?” You choke out. “Dad, no, I’m fine, really, that was just a one off yesterday-”  
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, son. You’ve been working too much lately. You need time off.”  
“But you need help.” You say once you swallow the pancake in your mouth.  
“I talked Ms. Lalonde into coming by and helping me.”  
“Do you like her? Is that why you made the shop? To impress her? I’ve notice she comes by a lot.”  
“I made the shop because that’s what your mother wanted, not because of Ms. Lalonde.” You went silent. Your dad had a rule about talking about your mother. Don’t. That was the rule. Don’t speak of her. It hurt him. You know nothing about your mother.  
“What happened to her?” You whisper, hoping he’d feel free to talk about her now.  
“She died.” He answered curtly.  
“H-how?”  
“She went into the forest.”  
“Oh.” You knew all about the forest: Trolls. You’ve heard two stories about trolls. They live in packs of twelve in the forest and hunt the humans that go around looking for berries, and they have their own little troll village on the other side of the forest and they hunt humans for fun. You don’t know which one’s true, and you don’t really want to find out. “What was her name?”  
“Annabelle.” You smile at the name. You can’t help it. It is a beautiful name, which no doubt belonged to a beautiful woman. “She loved you so much.” Your dad continues. “And she’d be proud of you, as I am.” He walks over and kisses the top of your head. “I’ve organised David to come over so you’re not alone today. You better go get ready. He’ll be here soon.” You get up from the table and go to have a shower.  
You spend a long time in the shower, well, long compared to how long you usually take. You like how the warm water sooths your body so much so you don’t think it will ever move again. You highly suspect you’re getting a day off because of your minor mental breakdown yesterday, but that doesn’t matter. You haven’t had a day off in, well, you’re not sure how long. Too long.  
Dave, Rose, and Jade sit at your kitchen table when they arrive. You are presentable ten minutes after said. Your father sits at the head of the table, conversing with Rose, as Dave and Jade eat pancakes.  
“Took you long enough, dude.” Dave says when he sees you. “We’ve been waiting here for forever.”  
“Ten minutes.” Rose corrects. “Nice to see you again, John.” She smiles a greeting at you. You politely return it.  
“John!” Jade squeals. “I’m so sorry for what happened yesterday!” She stands up and runs to you. She squeezes you in a too-tight hug. “Your dad told us to be extra nice to you, but when are we ever not nice?!” You wriggle out of Jade’s hug and shift your gaze to your dad. He doesn’t look guilty like you’d hoped. He takes his pipe out of his mouth to talk to you.  
“John,” He says. “I was just being cautious.”  
“Thanks.” You say sarcastically. “Because I wanted everyone to know.”  
“I’m sorry, son, I didn’t think-”  
“No.” You interrupt. “You never think about what other people want. Do you think I want to live like this? We’re poor dad. You sold everything for that damned shop. Look at what they’re wearing,” You motion to your friends, who are dressed in rather elegant frocks and suits. “Now look at me.” Your father’s gaze moves down to look you over and take in the tattered chunks of fabric he declares clothing. “Pardon my language, but how fucked up is your head to conjure up the thought that letting them know would in any way help me?” You gape at him as he stands up and walks to you.  
“Go to your room.” He tells you blankly.  
“Why?” You ask. “So you can continue to talk about me behind my back? So I can bring you some stuff to sell?”  
“John Egbert you go to that room and don’t come out until I tell you to.”  
“How about I never come out? That way people forget about me and you’ll never have to hear “Mr. Egbert and his fucked up son” muttered ever again.”  
“Stop saying that word under my roof.”  
“What word?” You taunt.  
“John.” He warns.  
“Fuck?” You ask with a smirk. Your dad grabs your shoulder and shoves you towards the stairs with so much force you almost fall over.  
“Get out.” He says.  
“…What?”  
“Get out of this house.” You hated how his voice never rose an octave. He never vented his anger. That’s what scared you the most.  
“If I leave I won’t come back.” You retaliate.  
“Good. Maybe I don’t want you back.” You feel your stomach both gain weight and jam up into your throat at the same time. Your eyes feel like they’re going to shoot out of their sockets due to the sudden pressure of your tears. You turn around and run down the stairs, you take three at a time and sob as you do so.  
You run out of the shop and search for the most secluded place possible. You want to be alone to be able to sort out what’s happening. Is it hormones, or are you just going crazy? You suspect the latter.  
You end up finding a rather quite place to sit. You have it to yourself for roughly five seconds before your friends turn the corner and come sit with you.  
“Way to grow a pair, bro.” Dave says. “Too bad you exploded at your dad, and not someone who deserved it.”  
“Am I going crazy?” You ask Rose, suddenly grateful for her vast interest in the human mind.  
“Possible, though not plausible. You bottle things up, so to speak. Your mood swing may have simply been caused from said hypothetical bottle overflowing.”  
“Simply?” You ask. “What’s the complex reason?”  
“Not complex as is serious. I suspect you are spiralling into a depression. I have informed your father of this and have given him my word to either confirm or refute my suspicion. Seeing as your mood has abruptly turned to upset, my theory is looking to be highly supported.”  
“Oh gosh. I’m more fucked up than I thought, aren’t I?”  
“That depends, how fucked up did you originally think you were?”  
“Stop analysing him.” Dave orders. “He just threw a tantrum.”  
“Yeah?” Dave nods at you. “Yeah,” You say with more confidence. “It was just a tantrum,” You felt a burst of relief wash over you. “We all throw them.”  
“Oh, no, not me, dude.” Dave says.  
“Haven’t in years.” Rose adds in. You look hopefully to Jade. She shakes her head.  
“You don’t?” You ask collectively to all of them. They all avert their gaze from you. “So, what? I’ll never be normal again?”  
“Depression is not permanent, John. It is very curable, even more so since we have caught it as it’s developing. If you allow me to ask you some questions, I may be able to pin down the exact reason why you’re upset and put a stop to it before it grows larger.”

After two or so hours of your friends asking you questions, Rose has narrowed your mood swings to the vague reason of “confusion”.  
“You were used to, up until yesterday, only getting bullied in school.” Rose says. “Your mind connected the bullying with said bully being bored in school, and looking for some form of fast entertainment. Since he came and sought you out yesterday while you were working, your mind has now connected the bullying with something to do with you personally. This sudden revelation of how others perceive you has your mind rethinking the way the world works. It is trying to repress the new found information so you can continue living the joyous life you had previously, but as it does this, it fights with itself between right and wrong. Right being allowing you to consciously know the harsh facts about life, and wrong being allowing you to forget. This war in your mind is causing you to become frustrated, thus having a minor snap at your father.” You stare at her blankly. “Sorry if you didn’t understand that, I tried my best to humanise it for you.”  
“Minor?” Jade asks. “Rose, he’s kicked out of home!”  
“No he’s not.” She replies with confidence. “His father was purely using reverse psychology. He told John to leave so he’ll come back.” The four of you were silence for a long while.  
“Well if you girls are done talking about stupid things nobody understands, nor cares enough to try,” Dave says. “John and I will be off doing some man’s business.”  
“You mean playing with sticks as swords?” Rose asks.  
“No. I’m going to go get you out of John’s head.”  
“By playing with sticks as swords?” Dave ignores Rose and walks away with you by his side.  
The two of you walk in silence for a long while. It’s cool to be silent, though you begin to suspect Dave doesn’t know where he’s going. You’re sure you’ve already passed by this building several times.  
“Boys!” Someone calls from beside you. You stop and watch him as he runs up to you with an axe and a sword.  
“We should go.” You say hurriedly to Dave.  
“No. This is man’s business.”  
“Join the hunt.” The man with the weapons says when he makes it to the two of you. He holds out the weapons. Dave grabs the sword from his hands and studies it. You take the axe, though by take you mean hold the handle as it drops to the ground. The man turns and runs off in the way he came.  
“Let’s go.” Dave says. He runs off after the man. You run as fast as you can while dragging the heavy axe behind you.  
You see a large group of men gathered together with weapons when you come out of the alley you ran down. Dave motions for you to join him as he stands amongst the men and listens to the speech. Apparently there has been a troll sighting in the town. This sends a chill down your spine, especially from what you learnt this morning about your mother. Dave grabs your arm and maneuvers his way through the crowd, towing you behind him.  
“The troll is said to be male, roughly five foot nine, black hai-”  
“There he is!” Someone yells. The crowd roars to life. They all run towards the troll you have yet to see. You run at a faster pace due to the men behind you pushing you forward. You look around to find no sight of Dave. You call out his name unsuccessfully. There’s no way he’d hear you over the cries of these men.  
The crowd runs and screams for what has to be hours. Your legs, you swear, are about to fall out of their sockets. Your arms are not too far behind from lugging around the axe you can’t quite lift. You’re hungry, thirsty, and tired. You would give anything to be able to sit. That is, anything but your life.  
You look up when shade hits your face. You see treetops. You’ve entered the forest. Your head frantically moves in all directions, looking for a way out of the crowd. No use. You’re in the centre. You can barely move without almost getting hit with a sharp weapon, or burned with fire, in fact, you had a number of close calls just by moving your head.  
“Let me out!” You scream. No-one reacts. It’s as if they’re ignoring you. You decide the next best thing to do is to stick close to them. Sixty armed men against twelve trolls would easily have the upper hand. Wouldn’t they? You don’t know, and you don’t honestly want to think about it. You just keep running. They’ll realise their mistake soon and turn around.  
If by soon, you mean basically never.  
They run deeper and deeper into the forest. The vegetation is so thick you’re not sure if it’s night time, or there’s just no room to let any light in. They diverse here. All sixty run in different directions. You get pushed over and fall into the mud. You curl up into a ball and cover your head with your arms as men run around, and occasionally on, you. They are like a pack of frightened antelope. You stand up when you hear no more footsteps to find yourself completely alone. Your axe is missing, not that you’d be able to defend yourself with it anyway. Your body automatically tightens with fear.  
“Dave!” You call as you try your best to free your skin from the mud. “Hello?! Dave!” You decide to make your own way back when no-one answers, only, you’re not sure which way back is. There’s too many footsteps in all directions to tell. You hold your arm out and spin around in a circle, stoping only when you finish saying eenie meenie minie moe in your head. You go in that direction.  
The forest is quiet in the section you make it to twenty minutes later. There’s no bird calls nor scurrying of small mammals. It’s just you and your noisy footsteps. It’s getting significantly darker. The sun must be going down, and if you’re unlucky, it may set behind the mountain before you find your way out. You pick up your pace at that thought.  
Two minutes or so after you begin jogging, the sun disappears. It’s night. You’re in the forest. You can’t see. And trolls can. You don’t know if you should try to be as noisy as possible to attract humans, or be as quiet as possible to avoid trolls. You go with the latter.  
You take slow steps so you can avoid twigs and dried up leaves. It works for about five steps. A troll spots you. Some sort of weapon your brain is too frightened to register flies past your face. You suck in a shaky breath as a pathetic gasp. Though you can’t see, you run. You don’t know where you run to, but you hope “away”. Another weapon flies past you, but this time it catches your rags and drags you through the air until it stabs into a tree. It is some sort of spear or arrow? You don’t know. You quickly scramble out of your shirt and continue to run. You see ten times as poorly now due to the tears of fear in your eyes. Because of this, you trip on a large tree root in your way, rather than leap over it. Your foot gets caught between the root and the ground. You fall flat on your face. You feel a sharp pain up your calf when your foot stays put. A small scream starts to escape your lips. You stop your scream short when two hands grip your forearm and pull on you. With your free arm you try to pry them off as your breath quickens in thicker fear. The hands pat down your body until they reach your ankle. The person sets you free. You try to stand up but your foot gives way. You fall into the person that freed you. They wrap an arm around your torso and scurry into a small hole in the trunk of a nearby tree. The two of you are squished together. Your hands squeeze your ankle and you sob rather nosily. The person slaps his hand over your mouth.  
“Please shoosh. Please. They’ll find us.” He whispers in your ear. You try to fight back your tears with no luck. “Control your breathing.” The boy says into your ear. His breath leaves your ear moist. It’s rather disturbing. You suck in a deep breath and let it out. You do this several times. “Shh.” The boy exclaims. You take in slower breaths so they don’t whistle and whine in your nose. The boy keeps his hand over your mouth for another five minutes. He removes it slowly.  
“Thank you.” You whisper.  
“Try not to be such a klutz.” He spits back as quietly as he can. “You nearly cost us our lives.”  
“I wouldn’t have tripped if I could see.” You defend.  
“You can’t see either?”  
“No.”  
“Oh, well I suppose that is an alright excuse to fall. Sorry if I hurt you when I pulled on you, by the way. I couldn’t see that your ankle was caught. Let me see it.” He gently grabs your ankle and places it up on his knees. His fingers run along it. He stops when you flinch. “I’m deciding between two things. I’d be certain if I could see. Let’s hope it’s just a sprain. Keep off of it, okay?”  
“Okay. Thanks, I suppose, for checking on it.” You move your leg to bring it back to you.  
“Keep it here,” He says. “So it’s elevated. C’mon, you should have known that.”  
“I’ve never taken a first aid class. I know nothing of health.” You attempt to laugh.  
“You never took a class?” He sounds surprised.  
“I took a massage therapy class once or twice, but, no, not a first aid class.”  
“Massage?”  
“Yeah,” You say as you shift around in the small hole to get comfortable. “My friend was often stressed when he was younger, so I became his masseuse.” You laugh at the memory. “He told me I sucked, so I took classes.”  
“Why would you do that?”  
“I don’t know. I wanted to be good at something.”  
“Are you?”  
“He says I am, yes. Why? Are you stressed?”  
“That’s what everyone tells me.”  
“Then I’ll do you.” You move around as best you can so you have a better reach of his back. He grips your leg as it moves in his lap.  
“It’d be nice to be de-stressed, but no offence, you seem like you’re a handful. You come off as someone who needs to be looked after closely. I don’t want you to have your ankle to yourself because you may accidently mistreat it…”  
“Oh. Thanks.”  
“That was an insult.”  
“I mean thanks, for looking out for me, and, when are we going back?”  
“In the morning. Hopefully this stuff will wear off by then.”  
“The morning?!” You shout.  
“Shh. Yes. The morning. I am hoping the effect of this dust will wear off with time.”  
“What dust?”  
“The fucking dust that got fucking thrown into my fucking face to make me not fucking able to open my fucking eyes.” You gulp at his tone. “That fucking dust.”  
“D-did they do that to you?”  
“Yes. I thought that’s what they did to you, too.”  
“Oh, yeah,” You say, playing along so he doesn’t feel so scared. “I just didn’t know it was dust.”  
“Wow, okay. Well, don’t rub your eyes. It hurts.”  
“O-okay, I won’t.”  
“I scared you.” He sighs. “I can feel it. Your body tensed.” You don’t say anything. What are you supposed to say to that? Yeah, you did. It’s sweet and all that you want to look after me, but you’ve got a mouth on you even a troll would find too much, and you’re very touchy.  
“No you didn’t.” You lie. “I’m just a little cold. I lost my shirt. Must be my body’s way of trying to heat itself up again.” That’s the truth, though you didn’t realize how cold it is until you mention it. You wrap your arms around yourself as best you can.  
“How do you lose a shirt?” He scoffs.  
“It got caught, so I just took it off so I could keep running.” He was silent for a moment.  
“What are you doing out here, by the way. I don’t think we’ve ever met before. I don’t recognise your voice.”  
“I came here by accident.”  
“Told you you need to be looked after.” He nudges you. “You probably wouldn’t even be alive without me.”  
“Wow, when you say it like that I feel like I should do something in return.”  
“You know what, I’m feeling kind of stressed being blind and all...” He hints not at all subtly.  
“Sure.” You giggle. “It’s the least I can do.”  
The boy turns around so his back is exposed to you. He still has your leg. It feels too intimate to you, but you assume if it helps the person who saved your life feel more comfortable, you’ll stay like that.  
You begin to rub your thumbs over his upper back; searching for the area he carries the most tension. You find it almost immediately and concentrate on it. He rolls his shoulders and shifts his weight. He lets out a long loud breath from his nose. He rubs his thumbs along your foot in return. You wiggle your toes and smile. You’re glad you found something in your life you are good at no matter how long you go without doing it. Though you’re not so good at it you don’t get distracted. A soft humming that sounds from nearby draws your attention from your saviour’s massage. It sounds like purring. Why is there a cat out here?  
“Do you hear that?” You ask.  
“Hear what?” He asks back. …Maybe you’re imagining it.  
“Nothing.” You answer. You begin to massage the stress out of him again.  
“No, what is it? What did you hear?”  
“A cat. But what would one be doing way out here?”  
“Maybe it ran away.” He answered. He moves his back so it presses harder into your hands. “What’s your name, by the way?”  
“John.” You answer.  
“John? Wow. That’s a weird name. You must live on the other side.”  
“Yeah, probably, John is a pretty normal name where I’m from. What’s your name?”  
“Karkat.” You almost laugh. That is hands down the oddest name you’ve ever heard. “What do you look like?”  
“Oh, well, I have black hair, blue eyes, glasses, some freckles…That’s about it. How about you?”  
“Black hair, ugh…purple eyes, no glasses nor freckles...”  
“Purple? Wow. Cool! I wish I had purple eyes!” You giggle at the thought of you with purple eyes. You’d look weird, yes, but it’d be the best prank ever. You can only imagine how confused everyone would be.  
“Yeah it’s alrigh-” His breath gets caught in his throat when you begin to dig into his back with your elbow. “Oh.” He breathes finally. “Oh god. Whenever I’m stressed, can I just come to you?”  
“Of course you can! I’d be happy to help you out!”  
“Good. I’ll be coming by a lot.”  
Fifteen or so minutes of silent rubbing later, your saviour’s back is not as stiff and knotty as it once was. You declare this time to stop. He rolls his shoulders and sits back around to your relief.  
“I could get used to this.” He says with a yawn.  
“Are we going to sleep here?” You ask. “Or are we going to find somewhere warmer?”  
“Here.” He answers with another yawn. “So we’re safer.” You try your best to turn into him so you can capture some of his heat. “You can’t even stay warm without me.” He says. “It’s pathetic.”  
“I can do plenty things without you.” You defend. “I’m just scared!”  
“Name three.” He challenges.  
“Well, I can clean things, and give massages, and, ugh, sleep?”  
“Great list.” He teases. “You can almost be a human.”  
“What’s the supposed to mean?”  
“It’s a pathetic list for a pathetic species.”  
“Okay, fine. Name three things you can do without me.”  
“Where do I start? First, I suppose, survive. Second would probably be survive. And third-”  
“Survive.” You finish. “I get it. If it weren’t for you I’d be dead.”  
“No, if it weren’t for me you’d probably be on someone’s floor as a rug, their slimy squishy baby gnawing on your fingers.”  
“They wouldn’t do that, would they?” You feel his shoulders rise as he shrugs.  
“I wouldn’t want to find out.”  
“Oh, goodness, me neither.”  
“So,” He says after a short pause. “What do you do for fun?”  
“Wow,” You laugh. “Haven’t had any in ages, actually. I’m always just…busy.”  
“Same. Too much stuff to do in life, so little time. Though, when you do have fun, what do you do?” You shrug now.  
“I just hang I guess.”  
“You sure lead an eventful life,” He comments. “From what I’ve gathered anyway. You can’t survive without yours truly, you clean,” He begins counting by tapping his fingers against your calf. “You give massages to friends, and you have no fun.” He chuckles lightly. “I’m pretty jealous.”  
“Like your life is any better.” You retaliate. “All you do is survive. What? Do you just run around dodging death at every corner? At least I socialise.”  
“Okay, okay. Don’t get all worked up. I was only teasing. I’m sure you’re just too scared to think so you’re giving me inaccurate responses.”  
“Well excuse me for not partaking in your questionnaire just after I almost died.”  
“Do you find this fun?”  
“No!” He laughs at your response. “Why is this so amusing to you?”  
“I don’t know. I’m just in a good mood since your massage, I guess.” You roll your eyes though he can’t see it.  
“That’s usually what happens.”  
“Well I like it. I don’t really think I’ve been in this mood in…well, ever.”  
“My friend always became pretty mellow,” You giggle. “It was funny. He was so out of character.”  
“Just like me.” He comments. “I’m never usually this happy.” He yawns. “Or sleepy.”  
“What if they come back,” You ask. “While we’re asleep?”  
“Shoosh.” He says and nuzzles into you to go to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually, to me at least, has no plot structure at all, and it's basically all over the place, but I really wanted things to get a fucking move on, so I just ended it quickly, and now, I have structure for the rest and I'm a happy chappy (:

Your saviour kept hold of your foot and kept you up most of the night with his snoring, though, you’re sure if your face wouldn’t have been right next to his, you wouldn’t even had noticed it…maybe. Your foot turns numb and you try to pull it back. The boy subconsciously pulls it closer to his chest. You sigh and wait until he falls into a deeper sleep so he stops snoring. You finally fall into unconsciousness yourself.   
Your eyes flutter open when the sun shines in them. You stretch and pull for your leg. Your saviour holds it tighter.  
“It doesn’t hur-” You stop your sentence short with a scream. You pull harder for your leg and kick the troll in front of you when he doesn’t let it go.  
“What’s wrong?!” He yells in a worried tone. You don’t answer. You grab the edge of the hole you’re in and try to drag yourself out. The troll lets go of your leg. You quickly stand on it only to fall down. It still hurts when you apply pressure. You get up on your good foot and hop away from the hole. “Stay off your ankle!” The troll orders. You turn your head to see him crawl out of the hole.   
He had a solid grey skin tone. His hair is messy and silk black. He has two small orange horns and several leaves tangled through it. You assume he had trouble finding a place to hide due to his new blind state. Speaking of, around his eyes are brown from the dust you knew so well. You learnt about it in school. Hunters use it on fast prey. In a matter of seconds the dust turns sticky and sticks their eyelashes together when they blink. This happened to the troll, rendering him unable to open his eyes. It is easily fixed. Put some hot water on a cloth and rub it over the dust and it’ll dissolve. You weren’t about to tell him that though.  
You continue to hop away from the troll at a rather slow pace. If he weren’t blind you’re sure your life would be over. You make a mental note to thank whoever blinded him if you end up surviving, which you figure you won’t.   
You turn your head again to see him up on his feet and walking towards you. You scream and try to hop faster. You fall over into a bunch of shrubs. A small mammal scurries out when you almost land on it.  
“What are you doing?” The troll asks. “Where are you?”  
“Don’t eat me!” You yell when he stands in front of the shrubs you’re lying in.  
“Eat you?” He asks. “Why would I eat you?”  
“Because that’s what trolls do! They eat humans!”  
“No we don’t.” He scoffed. “And why would tha-” He, like you, stopped his sentence short to scream at what species he discovered the boy he spent the night huddled up against was. “You’re a human?!”  
“You’re a troll!”  
“Fuck!” He shouts. You squeeze your eyes shut and brace yourself for death. “This can’t be happening. Fucking fuck! You’re human!” You open an eye to peek at him. He has his hands grabbing fistfuls of his hair. “It’s not supposed to work like this!”  
“Are you going to kill me?” You ask in a small voice.  
“No I’m not going to kill you!” He shouts. “We need each other.” He holds a hand out in your general direction. You slowly crawl backwards. “I can outrun you when your ankle is fine.” He threatens. You stare at his hand for a while. He motions it in circles at you, telling you to hurry up. You reluctantly place your hand in his. He yanks on it and your body flings up helplessly to land against him. “Back or shoulders?” He asks.  
“W-what?”  
“Back or shoulders?” He repeats.  
“I don’t…” He sighs and lifts you up into the air. You scream and flail your limbs. You hit and kick him several times.  
“Calm down!” He yells. You dig your nails into his forearms and continue to kick your good foot into him. He lets go of you so you fall onto the forest floor. You scurry backwards. “Look,” He says. “I can either be polite and take you back to where you came, or I can leave you here to be murdered. Your choice.” You stare at his face. It’s looking forward. Though you know he can’t see, you’d prefer he’d attempt to appear to be looking at you when he addressed you. He sighs. “Okay, fine, John, thanks for the massage.” He walks off deeper into the forest. He stumbles a few times over thick roots, like the one that tripped you, but generally walks with power.  
“Wait!” You call out when you can barely see him. “Car…Car…” You begin to cry in fear when you realise you can’t remember his name to call him back to you. “Cartel!” You try. “Carson! Carlin! Ugh…Caramel!” You stand up and try to run to him. Your ankle shoots a sharp pain into your calf when you step on it. You fall and scream. You scream for as long as your lungs will let you. The troll comes into your teary vision. He walks back to you.  
“We need each other.” He says again. “Now are you going to co-operate?” You nod. “Hmm?”  
“Yes.” You whisper, wiping your eyes.  
“Before we go, I just want to remind you that so far in the time we’ve known each other, you’ve hurt yourself more than I’ve hurt you.”  
“I know.” You say. “I’m sorry.”  
“You’re only doing yourself harm.” He says. He picks you up and returns you to his shoulders. “Be my eyes.” He orders. “Which way to your hive?”  
“My what?” You ask. You grab hold of the side of his head to keep yourself balanced.  
“Where do you live?” He asks. He reaches up and moves your hand a little south, so it isn’t so close to his horn you suspect.  
“Seventeen Zelpret Lane.” You answer.  
“Which direction?” He asks with a sigh.  
“Oh, ugh, I’m not sure…”  
“You’re hopeless, John.”   
“Sorry…ugh…Car…”  
“Karkat.”  
“Right. I forgot.”  
“I noticed. So do you have any idea which way? At all? Even the slightest bit? Do you know which way it’s not?” You look around the forest and think about it. You see the tree you spent the night in. You came from behind there…  
“That way.” You say and point. “I think. At least that’s the way I came…I think.”  
“Which way?”  
“That way.”  
“John.”  
“Karkat.”  
“I’m blind.”  
“Oh yeah.” You duck down and grab his forearm. You lift it and move it so it’s facing the way you were just pointing. “That way.” He straightens his finger so he’s pointing.  
“Are you sure?”  
“More sure than you are blind…which is none.”  
“What do you mean?” He asks as he begins walking.  
“Well, I mean exactly that, Karkat. You’re not blind. Not at all. At least not technically. It’s just your eyes at the moment-” Your sentence gets lost in your mouth when you see a body. Well, half a body. There’s blood all over the tree trunks and foliage. Tattered clothes are thrown into branches. These clothes aren’t tattered like yours. They were torn up by trolls, you’re sure of it. There was an attack not ten feet away from where you were hiding. You look away from the severed set of legs and hit Karkat’s head. “Let me down.” You say.  
“Wha-”  
“Now!” He lifts you up by grabbing your waist and gently places you on the ground. You hop over to a tree that doesn’t have the distinct mark of blood on it and empty the contents of your stomach, which is only bile, at its base. Karkat walks up to you and rubs your back as your body heaves forward in an attempt to empty an already empty stomach. You make several noises you didn’t even know your body was capable of.  
“If it makes you feel any better he wouldn’t have felt anything. It would have been quick.” You spit onto the ground and wipe your mouth.  
“They were right there.”  
“It probably lasted five seconds. They would have killed him then left. You were safe, John. I’m not saying we’re dumb, but in the heat of the moment we wouldn’t even had thought about searching the area for a hiding human. You okay now? Ready to go?” You straighten up and Karkat’s hands automatically go to your sides. He lifts you up and places you on his shoulders.  
“Could you kill me that easily?” You ask.  
“Easier most likely. Not only are you injured, but you’re so little!” He’s right. He’s got to be half a foot taller than you, though you’re not sure that would make too much of a difference in a brawl. And he’s blind, so that’d be favourable for you. You decide to poke this hole in his theory.  
“But you’re blind.” You say blankly.  
“And?” He replies. “It wouldn’t make any difference. If I wanted you, I’d get you.”  
“I think I’d have a large advantage and get away.” He sighs and takes you off his shoulders.  
“Thirty seconds head start.” He says. “Starting now.”  
“What?”  
“Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight.”   
“I’m not going to-”  
“Twenty-six.” He continues. “Twenty-five. Twenty-four.” He nudges your shoulder with his hand.  
“Why?”  
“It’ll be fun. Twenty-two.”   
“Thirty!” You yell to make him lose track of what number he’s on. “Forty-six! Fifty-five!” You laugh as he begins to count louder in an attempt to ignore you. You turn around and hop away. You use trees and branches around you to help you move at a faster pace. You push and swing off of them. Sure, you look like a mental patient, but you’re getting away. You turn to see his mouth move slightly as he counts to himself. You continue to hop away, falling over a good few times.  
“Zero!” He finally shouts. You must admit, a jolt of worry zaps through your body. You turn around again to see him run towards you. He trips over a branch that got you too and falls onto his face. You have to put your hand over your mouth so you don’t laugh and give away your location. You turn back around and continue to hop. You hear leaves crumpling under Karkat’s feet, then your own. You decide to stand still. The moment you do a stream of air runs over your neck. You turn around to see Karkat standing immediately behind you, blowing onto you. You squeal when you see him then begin laughing. He chuckles too and grabs your waist. You squirm and laugh harder.  
“Stop it!” You squeal. You grab his hands and try to pry them off of you. He wriggles them up and down your sides.  
“You skin’s so cold.” He notes. You continue to try to push him away as you buckle into whichever side is being tickled the most.   
“Help!” You yell, still laughing. “Karkat! No! Stop!” He moves a hand to your stomach and one to your back to hold you in place. Your laughs become higher pitched. His low chuckle sounds menacing in comparison. “Stop!” You yell.   
“Humans are weird.” He concludes with a chuckle. He lifts you up and returns you to his shoulders. “Told you I’d catch you, though.” You lightly tug on his hair.  
“That wasn’t funny.” You scold. “It was torturous.”   
“No, no I’m pretty sure that was funny. If you weren’t making such a fuss I would have continued.” You dig your heels lightly into him, like what jockeys do to horses.  
“Funny business aside, I’d like to get home. I’m hungry.”  
“There’s plenty of food around here. When you see some berries tell me. Anyway, which way?” You grab his arm and point in the direction you were going before. He takes very confident strides for someone who is newly blinded, you notice.

“I’m bored.” You complain, about a half hour of silence later.  
“Too bad.”   
“Entertain me.” You say as you bend over as far as you can. You and he figured out a system. When there’s a log of some sort for him to step over, you’ll hold his arm out and follow it as he gets nearer. If there’s a low branch, you’ll duck down and hug his head which gives him an indication to duck down himself. You’ve had minimal accidents this way.  
“How am I meant to do that?” He asks back. He ducks but you still hit your head. “Sorry.” He raises his hand and rubs your head. You grab his wrist and guide him to where you got hit.  
“Tell me a story.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah, you’ve got to have plays and stuff, don’t you?”  
“Of course we do.”  
“Then tell me about your favourite one.”  
“Fine.” He sighs. “There’s this play about a male who is flushed for this female, except every night when she goes to sleep, she forgets who he is. The basic plot is about him trying to make her flushed for him everyda-”  
“Do you hear that?” You interrupt.  
“Hear what?” He stops walking.  
“Shh.” You smirk down at him as he stands in silence for at least forty seconds.  
“What is it?” He whispers.  
“The sound of nobody caring.” You burst into laughter. He pushes on your torso so you fall backwards, but he keeps a hold of your legs. You’re dangling behind him.  
“You’re staying like that until I find your fucking town.”  
“No, stop, let me up. The blood is rushing to my head. It feels weird.”   
“You should have thought of that before you said that.”  
“It was a prank!” You laugh.  
“Well, so is this.” He spits.  
“Okay! Okay, I was kidding about it being a prank. The play sounded like the best thing I’ve ever heard.” You giggle and try to raise your body as best you can to reach his shoulders. He moves his arm so it flops over his shoulder and you can grab it. He holds your hand tightly to his and pulls you up to sit on his shoulders again.  
“Do you know when I’ll be able to see again?”  
“Sure, I guess when you take me home, I can fix you up.”  
“Take you home? I’m not taking you home. I’m taking you to the edge of your damned society and letting you fend for yourself from there.”  
“Then you can stay blind.”  
“No, that’s not fair, I’m taking you back, you have to give me something, too.”  
“I’m giving you enjoyment!”  
“Enjoyment.” He scoffed. “Okay, that comment gave me enjoyment, but that’s it.”  
“Nonsense!” You giggle. “Now keep walking.” He sighs and continues to walk.  
“Do you thin-” Karkat’s sentence was cut off by your scream. An arrow or spear of sorts whipped past your head. “What?!”  
“Run!”  
“What?!”  
“Run!” He begins running forward, towards a large low tree branch. “Tree!” You shout. “Tree! Tree! Tree! Tree! Tree!” He ignores you and continues running forward. Your stomach whacks into the tree branch. You wrap your arms around it as you slide off of Karkat’s shoulders. You bring your good foot up to help pull your body up.  
“John!” Karkat shouts. “John where are you?!”  
“Relax.” You hiss. “I’m in the tree you didn’t avoid.” You lay on your stomach and dangle your arms down. “Come here and hold your arms up.” He walks over to where he hears your voice and slowly raises his hands. He flinches away when your hands touch his. “Let me pull you up.” You whisper. He lowers his arms and walks to the trunk. He climbs up it like how you imagine a lizard would and stands on the branch.  
“Come higher.” He blindly holds his hand out to you. You reach one hand up as you hug the branch. He clamps his hand around yours and flings you onto his back before proceeding to climb up the tree to the top. The two of you sit at one of the highest branches Karkat could manage. You try your best to look down to the troll that attacked you. You heard your name being called.  
“That’s not a troll!” You bellow. “That’s a human! A human looking for me!” You look around in search for a way down.  
“No it’s not.” Karkat says.  
“But they know my name.”  
“Yes. Because I said it.” He scoops you up and flings you over his back. “Can you see your town from up here?”  
“Um.” You look around and see where the trees stop and your town starts. “Yeah it’s over there, but I really think-”  
“Which way?” He asks impatiently. You grab his arm and point to the buildings. “Is there a line of trees directly to there?”  
“Yeah, bu-” He leaps off of the branch and lands on one on the next tree. He blindly leaps off of this tree too, missing a branch and falling down, twigs whipping at your face, until he grabs another one. He scurries up the trunk to try again. “Stop!”  
“No. This is faster.” He leaps into the air again. You bury your face into the back of his neck and wrap your arms tightly around his neck. He makes it to the tree safely this time. He continues to do this until you’re both covered in scratches and in a heap on the tin roof of a shed. You weren’t looking to tell him there were no more trees.  
“Are you okay?” You ask, sitting up a bit and looking around for people who saw the two of you.  
“Yeah.” He ran his hand along the zig-zaggy surface. “Wh-”  
“Let’s go.” You interrupt as you see someone who’s currently looking in your general direction cock his head.  
“John, I can’t see. It’s going to be hell trying to navigate me through here in what I assume is the middle of the day, if not several hours after.” You scrunch up your nose when you realise he’s right. He’s going to have to be able to see in order to take you back.  
“Give me your shirt.”  
“Why?”  
“If you want to see you’ll do it.” He reluctantly takes off his shirt and hands it to you. You crawl over to the edge of the shed and slip off, falling down rather than landing on your feet. You scurry up onto your good foot and hop over to the garden hose in this particular person’s backyard. You turn it on and dampen Karkat’s shirt. Your turn the tap off and return to the shed, struggling to get yourself up but eventually making it and crawling back over to Karkat. You wipe the wet shirt over Karkat’s eyes, getting rid of the dust in a much slower pace compared to warm water. You see his eyes slowly start to open. He blinks a few times then slowly looks you up and down.  
“Hi.” He smiles when his eyes travel back up to yours.  
“Hey.” You greet back. “Can we go now? People are starting to stare.” He looks around you to the group of people gathering on the street. He grabs your hand and flings you over his back again. You shout directions in his ears as noisy wind whips past the two of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, feel free to bug my tumblr if I post too slow for you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for the long wait.  
> No matter what I wrote, it was complete and utter shit.  
> And it's still complete and utter shit, the only difference is, this time I'm extra pissed at it and don't want to look at it anymore, so obviously I'm going to post it on the internet.  
> It's written extra poorly, so just a heads up.  
> Again, sorry.  
> I'll try to figure out how to no longer be blocked or whatever.  
> Also,  
> It's shit.  
> And short.  
> Short shit.  
> Heh.

Karkat climbs up the side of your house and slips you in through the window before leaving as subtly as he can manage as to not draw any more attraction to himself. You’re a little disappointed he didn’t say goodbye. And a little disappointed you won’t get to see him again. As is life, you suppose.  
You get up off the floor you got pushed onto and hop over to your door. Your turn your head to the left to see if any light is escaping out from under the door of your father’s bedroom. There isn’t. He isn’t in there. You notice he isn’t in the living room nor kitchen either. Working, you decide.  
You use the railing as much as you can while going down the stairs. The shop is empty too. That’s a little strange. Okay, a lot strange. You wonder why it’s closed. Oh, wait, is it a public holiday? Could be someone important’s birthday? Lord knows there’s enough of those holidays to lose track of. You decide this is the reason why the shop’s closed. The reason why your father isn’t around is another story.  
You search the kitchen to find it empty. He must be buying more ingredients. You take a cupcake for your late breakfast and struggle back upstairs. He’ll come home when he’s ready and tell you off, you’re sure of it. In the meantime, you sit on your couch and read.  
You finish the play in about three hours. There’s still no sign of your father, which worries you terribly, though not enough to ignore the heavy weight of your eyelids. You call it another early night and go to bed. He’ll turn up by morning, and if not, you’ll be thinking clearer to come up with a reasonable place for him to be.

Eight in the morning. You slept in. You’re really hungry but smell no food. That’s a bad sign. A good sign, however, is you’re pretty sure your ears are telling your sleepy brain you’re hearing familiar voices coming from outside of your bedroom. You get up out of bed and hop to your doorway. Your dad is sitting on the couch with what appears to be Dave’s brother. You wonder if he’s still cross with you for swearing.  
“Hey, dad?” You say in a low voice. He gasps and turns his head to look at you. His eyes are red and puffy. He rushes up from the couch and runs to you, sweeping you up into a hug and plants kisses all over your face.  
“John, son, are you okay? Where have you been? How’d you get back? You know I didn’t mean anything I said the other day, right? I love you, son.” He pulls you into another tight hug. You hug him back and feel him shake as he cries some more.  
“I love you, too, dad. Do you know where Dave is? I lost him in the forest.”  
“The forest.” Your father gasps. He stops hugging you and leans back to look you in the face. You begin crying now, maybe because your dad is, maybe because you’re scared for Dave.  
“Y-yeah. We didn’t know that’s where we were going. But this guy told us to help fight a troll--”  
“A troll? John, you fought a troll? Who told you to do this?”  
“I don’t know, and no, I didn’t. I just got caught up in the middle of the crowd and couldn’t get out, so I just kept running with them, and then they all left real quick and I was in the forest, and I didn’t know how to get out, and I couldn’t find anyone, and a troll tried to kill me, and I’m sorry!” Your dad pulls you into another hug.  
“How did you find your way back?”  
“I could see the town when, um,” You wipe your eyes and nose on your wrist. “when in a tree.”  
“What were you doing in a tree?”  
“Getting away from a troll.”  
“Son, trolls are good climbers.”  
“I-I know.”  
“Are you hurt?”  
“I hurt my foot.” He ducks down and takes your foot in your hand. You suck in a harsh breath when his fingers slide over your ankle.  
“How’d this happen?” He scoops you up into his arms and walks to the staircase. “Are you coming?” He says to Dave’s brother before looking down at you. “So?”  
“It got caught in a root.” Your father kisses your forehead again.  
“My poor boy.” He turns to Bro again. “Ever driven a horse?” Bro nods once.  
“Need me to take you?” Bro asks.  
“Yes please.”  
The three of you ride down the main streets with all eyes on you. Not many people use their horses, so when a horse drawn cart comes noisily down the street, people tend to take notice. Your father is holding you in his lap, kissing your cheeks and forehead, telling you how much he missed you no matter how much you tell him to stop. Bro is explaining how he saw Dave in the crowd of men and pulled him out, he didn’t notice you. He grounded Dave and refused to let him help search for you. Bro suggests you go visit Dave as soon as you can, so he doesn’t worry about you any longer.  
“Why’d you listen to him, Johnny Boy?” Bro asks. “Kid has no good ideas.”  
“I didn’t know it was going to end so badly.”  
“Of course you didn’t.” Your dad says and squeezes you in a hug. “Thank goodness you’re okay though. I cannot even imagine what you would have went through.” He kisses you again.  
“No, no I’m sure you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”  
“If you ever feel the need to get it off your chest,” Your dad offers, stroking your hair. “I will always be here to listen. I understand that you may not want to at this time. I will pay for therapy if you need it.”  
“Dad I’m fine.” You swat his hand away from your head only to have your head hugged to his chest and your arm rubbed.  
“You don’t have to be brave, I’m here now.”  
“Really, dad, I’m fine. No psychological trauma, it’s just my ankle.”  
“Right. Mr. Strider, could you hurry up, my poor boy is in pain.” You sigh heavily into the chest you’re being crushed into but don’t complain. You’re not really in any pain at the moment, but you’re not going to bring it up. Your dad would just end up telling you you were.  
In another four silent minutes the three of you make it to the house of the one man with any further medical training outside of ordinary first aid. Your dad carries you inside. He holds your hand, kisses your fingers, and strokes your hair while the doctor inspects your ankle. You shoot a brief glare to your father only to have it washed away when you noticed his worried expression watching your ankle.  
“This isn’t anything to worry about.” The doctor says. “Probably doesn’t even hurt. Are you in any pain now, Mr. Egbert?”  
“Um, not at the moment no-”  
“There you have it. Just a little swelling. That will go away in a few hours.”  
“Yeah but this happened 30 or so hours ago…”  
“Son don’t argue with the doctor,” You dad scolds. “He knows what he’s doing.”  
“Are you sur-” You cut your sentence short when your dad glares at you.  
“Thank you doctor.” Your dad smiles and picks you up again. “I’ll be sure to keep him off it for the rest of the evening, just to be safe.” You sigh and put an arm around your dad’s neck so you can keep yourself up. You’re sure Bro snickers at that. Well, he might of well have by the way he ruffles your hair.  
“You’re lucky your old man loves you.” He teases. You give him a much deserved glare as he walks in front of you and your father, leading the way to the cart.  
Bro takes the three of you to his house as your father explains that the pain you claimed was in your ankle was all a figment of your imagination. You’re sure your imagination has never been that vivid before, nor that cruel.  
“Dave’s in his room.” Bro says when he stops the horses outside of his house. “Don’t let him out, he’s grounded. Just go in, tell him you’re fine, then come back out, got it?”  
“Wait what?” Your dad says. “I’m not letting him go in there by himself.”  
“What do you think will happen, Egbert? Your kid will be fine. John, go.”  
“Well I would very much fancy a cup of tea, thank you, Mr. Strider.” Bro stares at your father, a normal person would have their mouth pulled to one side and a brow raised, you imagine.  
“Fine. We’ll all go in.” Bro stands up and jumps out of the cart. He walks over to the side of the cart that your father is sitting with you still in his lap and lifts up his arms. Your father lifts you up and hands you over to Bro. Bro grabs you under the arms and places you on the floor.  
“Thanks.” You say. The cart has always been too tall for you. You need help in and usually just leap out. You guess your father figured not to jump out due to your ankle. You’re thankful.  
“No problem, Johnny Boy.” Bro pats you heavily on the back then walks to his front door. Your father gets out of the cart and lifts you into his arms again. He walks into the Strider household and sits on the couch with you in his lap again. You try to pull yourself off but he just holds you tighter. Bro walks into the room with a white mug and the string from a teabag hanging out.  
“Dave’s in his room.” He says as he hands your father the mug. “Just knock first because lord knows what he’s doing in there.” He holds a hand out to you which you eagerly grab. He yanks you out of your father’s grasp and plops himself down next to your father.  
“No, no, son,” Your dad says. “I’m not letting you out of my sight. David can just come out here.”  
“Egbert he’s grounded.” Bro retaliates. “He’s not coming out of his room.”  
“But his friend’s allowed to go in?”  
“He needs to know John’s alive.” Bro lightly nudges you with his foot into the direction of the hallway. You place your foot on the ground to have another sharp pain shoot through your calf. You end up hopping to Dave’s room instead.

“Um, Dave?” You say as you push the door open. He looks up from his bed and for a second you swear he smiles.  
“Dude you’re alive. Kudos. Didn’t think you’d last a minute on your own. Glad to see you’re not totally helpless after all.”  
“Thanks Dave.” You say mockingly. “Sorry you’re grounded.”  
“Who told you these lies? I’m not grounded. I’ve just been chilling is all. C’mon, let’s go get your survival medal.” He gets up off his bed and walks into the hallway. You hop along behind him. “Jesus, Egbert, you were gone for two days and you already forgot how to walk? Maybe we should reconsider your medal.”  
“It just hurts to walk on.”  
“Trust you to get hurt in such a little amount of time.” Dave opens the front door and motions for you to leave first. Ladies first you’re sure he’s dying to say.  
“Hey albino fuck.” Bro says from the living room.  
“Yeah?” Dave calls back.  
“Where do you think you’re going?”  
“Out.”  
“No you’re not.”  
“Yeah I am. Haven’t seen my buddy in a while. Gotta catch up on all the juicy goss.”  
“Dave I built this house with my bare hands for you, the least you can do is obey me.”  
“What?” Dave says, finally walking out from behind the small amount of wall to stand in the living room doorway like yourself. “I was with you two years ago when you bought the place.”  
“Go to your room, Dave.”  
“No.” Dave walks back to the front door. Bro gets up from the couch and gets over to Dave within a second. He holds Dave in a headlock.  
“I said go to your room.”  
“Eat me.” Dave snaps. Bro walks down the hall with Dave and shoves him back into his bedroom. He slams the door shut and holds it as Dave tries to pry it open from the other side.  
“I think we’ll go now.” Your father says, suddenly next to you with his arm over your shoulders. “Thank you for the tea.”  
“John, do you need help up?” Bro asks, ignoring your father. You look up to your father then back to Bro and nod. He lets go of Dave’s door and it flies open with a thud. You assume Dave fell over due to the sudden lack of pressure holding the door shut. You giggle.  
Bro walks over to you and picks you up. He walks outside with you and waits for your father to climb into the cart before passing you up. Normally your dad just lifts you up and you climb in yourself, but you guess there are extra precautions because of your ankle.  
“Thank you.” You say again. He nods and walks back into his house. Your father tells you to not move around too much and begins taking the two of back home. You kind of wish you could have stayed with Dave for longer, to tell him all about what you’ve been through, to tell him about Karkat, but you guess that can wait until he’s no longer grounded.

You father turns around to check up on you about every thirty seconds on the dot. You shoot him a smile each time which he quickly returns. You roll your eyes when he turns back around. You really really can’t wait until your foot is better, especially, you think, because it’s somewhat embarrassing to be carried everywhere. Thankfully no-one was in the shop so you weren’t seen as he brought you to the couch.  
“I’m going to go open the shop now because it’s been closed for a few days.” Your dad says. “You stay up here, okay? Help yourself to something to eat. Stay off your foot.” He ducks down and kisses your forehead. “I love you, son.”  
“I love you too, dad.” He runs a hand through your hair before leaving down the stairs. You watch him leave then sit up. You’ve never been so hungry before in yo—  
“John.” Someone hisses. You turn your head towards the voice to see Karkat’s head popping out of your room. He looks down the hall then back at you. “Come here.”  
“What are yo-”  
“Come here.” He repeats, going back into your room. You get up from the couch with a smile at your lips and hop over to your room. You stop in your doorway to find him sitting on your pillow.  
“What are yo-”  
“Still can’t stand on it?” He points to your foot.  
“Not without it hurting.”  
“Where were you?”  
“I went to the doctors, then to Dave’s. What are yo-”  
“If you went to the doctor, why does it still hurt?”  
“He said there was nothing wrong with it.” You shrug. “Just give it time and it’ll heal itself. Swell down.”  
“No it won’t.” He scoffs and gets up. He digs his hand into his back pocket and pulls out a small container filled with something very pale pink in colour. “My friend, and I use the term loosely, my friend told me human medical care may be a little poor when compared to ours. So I got you this. Whatever happens, this will help. If you hurt your ankle, it’ll help. If you cut your wrist and you’re about to die from blood lost, it will help.”  
“How does it help that?”  
“I don’t know. It just does. It closes the cut up and closes your veins, and it makes you fucking live. Okay? Put this on your ankle and it will seep through your pores and fix whatever’s wrong with it.” He walks up to you and holds it out.  
“How stupid do you think I am?”  
“Excuse you?”  
“What makes you think I’m stupid enough to believe that that’s such a thing?”  
“John, why would I come back here and risk my life just to lie to you?” He grabs your wrist and turns your hand palm up so he can slap the container in your hand. He closes your fingers around it. “Use it okay? Or do you need me to do it for you, seeing as I had to make you grab it.” You stare at the container for a moment then roll your eyes up to look at Karkat. He sighs and picks you up. He takes you over to your bed and sits you on your pillow, taking the container from your hand and unscrewing it.  
“Wait, are you going to put that on?”  
“Yes. Because you are clearly unable to yourself.”  
“No, no, no, no. I can do it. Just I haven’t had a shower since I came back and I’d like to.”  
“Okay. After this.”  
“I think I should have a shower before getting things rubbed onto me, otherwise it will just wash off.”  
“Fine.” He says with a sigh, standing up. “Let’s go get a shower.”  
“Wh-what? No.”  
“You just said you wanted a shower.”  
“Yeah, but, wait, do you even know what a shower is?” He shakes his head. “How do you get clean?”  
“Stream.” He answers with a shrug.  
“Oh. Well humans have this thing called a shower and that’s how we get clean.”  
“Take one tomorrow.”  
“I haven’t had one since I got lost! I smell!”  
“No you don’t.” He grabs your calf and sits it on your knee.  
“Can you not wait ten minutes for me to have a shower?” You beg. He sighs heavily in annoyance and motions with his hand to your door. You get up from your bed and hop to the shower.  
“Ten minutes.” He calls out.  
You must have moved slower getting changed, getting in, and getting clean due to both your nerves and your foot because halfway through washing your hair Karkat barges in telling you to give him your ankle.  
“What are you doing in here?!” You yell. “Get out!”  
“It’s been ten minutes. You’re done.”  
“No I’m not! Get out!”  
“You told me you would be done in ten minutes.”  
“Well I was wrong, okay?!”  
“Two more minutes.” He says before stepping out. You decide to listen to him. Pissing off a troll that knows how to sneak into your bedroom isn’t something you particularly want to do. You hurriedly rinse the shampoo out of your hair and get out of the shower so you have a chance to get dressed before he walks in again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaah, sorry you had to read that.....
> 
> hey, i just realized this shit doesn't separate my paragraphs what a rude thing ):


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got asked to put some fluff in, so.... I tried, but I didn't want them to just jump lustily at one another, so I couldn't make it too fluffy, you know?  
> Anyway, I tried, with the situation I have.  
> If it's not fluffy enough feel free to tell me to make it cutesier.

You change into new clothes and discard of your old before hopping back into your room.  Karkat almost runs into you in the doorway.  He explains that he was just about to go inform you that it had been two minutes and whether you were ready or not, he was going to put the stuff on your ankle.

“Well no need.”  You smile.  “I’m here.”

“So I see.  Go sit.”  He points to your bed and gets the container out of his pocket again.  You sit on the edge of your bed which rewards you a very strange look from Karkat.

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to sit on the seat?”

“You mean my pillow?  You think my pillow is what you sit on when on a bed?  That’s basically the only thing of a bed you _don’t_ sit on.  At least, when it’s not yours.”

“. . . What?”

“Nothing, don’t worry, give me your miracle cream.”

“No, no, no, no.  Not a miracle.  It has a logical explanation.”

“Okay, give me your logical explanation cream.”

“Can you do it yourself?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?  Are you a big boy now?”

“Karkat.”

“No, I don’t trust you.  You can’t even walk without fucking it up.”

“It was dark and I-”

“No excuses.”  He walks up and sits on the floor in front of you.  “You just can’t do anything on your own.  I think I’m going to have to-” He stops talking to make a disgusted face at his fingers in the cream.  “Eiugh.”  He rubs the cream between his fingers and curls up his lip.  “Since you’re clearly out here fending for yourself, I’ll just have to help you walk.”  He scoops up more of the cream and places it on your ankle, which makes you flinch.  “I’m sorry.”  He says as his two hands lightly run along and around your ankle.

“It’s okay, it smells pretty at least.”  You say.  He looks up to you then back to your ankle.

“The swelling should go down in a few minutes.  You said a shower is like the stream, yes?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I want to wash this stuff off my hands.”

“Just use the sink then.”

“The sink?”

“Yeah, you know that room you barged into when I was having a shower?  The little bowl type thing at the end of the room is a sink.  Turn the knob then wash your hand under the faucet.”

“Turn the knob.”  He says each word slowly.  “And, under the faucet?”

“Yes.  It’s not hard to figure out.  If you can find your way into my house, you can figure out a sink.”

“Okay.”  He stands up and hands the container of cream to you.  “I want you to keep this just in case you ever hurt yourself again.”  He laughs before continuing.  You’re shocked at how beautifully a troll could laugh.  You never imagined a troll being able to create such a pleasant tone.  “What am I saying just in case?”

“Just go wash your hands.”

“Stay off your ankle until I come back.”  He wiggles his fingers out of discomfort, or at least you assume that’s the reason, judging by the facial expression he makes, before leaving your room.  You lift your foot up and try rotating it in circles.  It still hurts your ankle and shoots a pain up your calf.  You wonder if you should put some of the cream on your calf.  It couldn’t hurt to try . . . you don’t think.  You don’t see why it would.  The cream is meant to fix broken things, it should be fine if-  “John I’m afraid I might break it.”  Karkat interrupts.

“What?”

“I have to be honest.  I don’t know what a knob nor a faucet is.”

“. . . You’re kidding.”  He shakes his head and walks over to you.

“Please help.”  He offers his arm out for you.  “I don’t want to make a mess of myself.”  You glance from his forearm to his face several times before grabbing it and heaving yourself up.  He begins walking and you hop after.  “No, no.”  He says, stopping.  “I’m not acting as a ledge for you to hop everywhere.  Put your foot down.  Walk.”

“I’m scared.”

“That’s why I’m here.  Push against my arm so much you’re barely putting any pressure on it for all I care.  Just don’t hop.”

“Why can’t I hop just until the swelling goes down?”

“Because that’s taking the easy way out.”

“Bu-” He shoots a glare at you.  “Ugh, okay.”  You push with two hands against his arm to have him pull up with equal pressure.  It didn’t seem to bother him how little you were standing on your foot.  You stand on it for about one hundredth of a second each time before jumping onto your good foot.

“Does it hurt still?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to carry you again?”

“No, no, it’s okay.  I need to start using it sooner or later.”

“Make it later.”  He ducks down in front of you, inviting you to hop onto his back.

“Karkat I can walk to the bathroom.”

“Yes, but you’re slow and I want to get this stuff off of my hands.”  You roll your eyes and hop onto his back, wrapping your arms around his neck.  He stands up and walks hurriedly to the bathroom, placing you on the edge of your bathtub.  “So how does this work?”  He asks, pointing into the bathtub.

“The same as the sink really, which is right over there.”  You grab his wrist and move it so he’s pointing to the sink.

“Oh.”  He runs his hand through the back of his hair.  “Well how does this work?”

“Twist the knob there.”  You touch the knob with your finger.

“No, I can’t.  I don’t want to break it.  You do it.”

“Jesus, Karkat, it’s not that hard.  Give me your hand.”  He shoots his hand in front of your face.  You give it an odd look but grab it anyway.  You lead it over to the knob and place it on top, then yours on top of his, and twist it so the water comes on.  “Just like that, see?  Eas-” You look up to find him looking at you, though he quickly turns his head away to the sink when your eyes meet.  “Hey.  Where you even watching?”

“Yeah, yeah, turn it.  I get it.”  You turn it off then take your hand back to yourself.

“Okay, then, yeah, that’s how you do it.”

“Can I use it?”

“Yeah, go ahead, soap’s there right next to it.”  He grabs the soap in his hand and turns it around a few times.  “Wet your hands first, it works better.”

“And I do that by . . .”

“Turn on the tap.”

“What’s a tap?”

“I mean the faucet, same thing.”

“You never showed me how to turn that on.  You only showed me how to make the water come.”

“Same thing.  Turn the knob.”

“Well, keep your terms consistent next time.”  He huffs and turns the knob a little too much.

“Turn it down.”

“What?”

“Nothing, don’t worry, it’s fine I guess.”

“No, what?”

“Just wash your hands, Karkat.  I was only acting stupid.”  He peeks at you from the corner of his eyes and smirks with a small chuckle before looking back to the water.

“You think it’s an act.  Cute.”

“At least I know how to use a sink.”

“Hey, that’s stupid human things.  As with this.”  He holds the soap out for you to see.  “What do I even do with this?”  You stare blankly at him.

“Really?”  He nods sheepishly.  “Do I have to show you that too?”

“Can’t you just do it for me?  I don’t want to break anything.”

“It’s near impossible to break soap.”  He moves the soap closer to you.  You sigh and grab it, running it under the water.  “You want me to wash your hands for you?”  He makes a long elongated groan that implies he’s thinking before telling you that yes, yes he does want you to wash his hands for him.  You sigh and grab one of his hands, running it under the water then scrubbing the soap on it until it is covered in bubbles.  You put the soap down and run your own hands under the water before returning to his hand, scrubbing with your fingers along his palm and between his fingers.

“What’s happening?”  He asks.

“What do you mean?”

“With my hand, why is it like that?”

“You mean why is it soapy?”  You put his hand under the running water to get rid of the soap.  “It’s been like that for a while, Karkat, weren’t you looking?”

“I was looking at your face.”

“Why my face?”  He shrugs.  “You were meant to be looking at what I’m doing.”

“Your facial expressions are-”

“Karkat you’re not going to learn if you’re looking at my face every time I show you something.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve learned something today.”  He says in a low voice, almost to himself.

“Is it how to wash your hands using soap and a sink?”

“No.  I wasn’t paying attention to that, it’s not important.”

“Then what’d you learn?”  You ask, grabbing his other hand and cleaning that one too.

“Doesn’t matter.  Can I try washing your hands?”

“Mine don’t have cream on them.”

“But you went and washed my other one when I wanted to be the one to do it.  Please, just so I can learn.”

“Have you been watching this time?”

“Yes.”  He grabs your hand and runs in under the water, as well as the soap.  He moves his fingers slowly through yours as he washes them.  You feel a little bad for not being as delicate with him as he’s being with you.  Maybe he thinks you’re fragile because of your ankle.  That’s pretty understandable, and really the only reason you can think of for him to want to take his time.

    Fifteen minutes later he’s done with washing your first hand and moves onto the second.  You slither your hand out of his and tell him that’s enough practice.  He protests and says it’s not, but you turn off the tap and say it is.

“So how long until my ankle is better?”  You ask to get off the topic of hand washing.

“By tomorrow you should be able to walk on it just fine.  I guess until then I should still carry you.”  He crouches down to pick you up.

“But the swelling’s already gone down,” You protest.  “I want to try to walk on it.”

“And I wanted to wash my own hand, but life tends to shit all over the things we want most until it’s just a wasted dream, a distant memory.”

“So washing your hand was a dream of yours?”  You giggle.

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, mommy!  Mommy!  One day I will break into a boy’s house and wash my hand in his fanciful sink! Oh, it shall be so grand, mommy!”  He glares at you.  You laugh.  “Hungry?”

“A little, are you?”

“I’ll never pass down some food.”

“So you just want me to go out and get you some food?”

“No, I’ve got some in the kitchen.”  You try to stand on your foot.  It hurts less but still too much to walk on.  Karkat flings you onto his back and you lead him to the kitchen.

 

He’s fascinated by the cupboards, how they _click_ when they shut; the refrigerator, how there’s a light in it (“the light goes off when you shut it” you tell him.  “No it doesn’t, you liar” comes the response); the many different sizes of knives and forks and spoons; the stove and how the fire “appears out of nowhere”; the efficiency of eating at a table; the smooth surface of the counter; the feel of butter; the way each slice of cheese comes in its own packaging; the clever creation that is plates and cups; and later, when sitting at a chair close to breaking, the way it wobbles “like a tree branch on a windy day”.

    You make two grilled cheese sandwiches.  You figure everyone loves grilled cheese sandwiches, so why not Karkat?  He’s tentative to take the first bite of his sandwich though, and makes you do it, just in case you tried to poison him.  You don’t complain.  You’re growing kind of used to this behaviour, him having you do everything for him.

“There, see?”  You asked around the mouthful of sandwich.  “Not poison.  Just eat, it’s delicious.”

“But now I’m a bite short.  I have to have a bite of yours.”  You sigh and hold your half eaten sandwich out for him.  He grabs your wrist and steers it toward his mouth.  He sniffs at the sandwich, squeezes his eyes shut, then takes a large bite, much larger than your own.  “Is it good?”  You ask with a smile, having finished your bite already.  He gives you your hand back and nods.  He eagerly picks up his own sandwich and takes another three bites.

“Don’t eat so fast.”  You giggle.  “You’ll give yourself a tummy ache.”  He shrugs at you and continues to eat his sandwich.

    He finishes with his sandwich before you can even finish half of yours.  You ask him if he’d like another.  He nods.  You slide your plate across the table to him and get up to make him another when you hear someone say “knock knock”.  You know exactly who it is.  Bro always calls “knock knock” up the stairs as he walks up them.  You gape up at Karkat, who is staring back, sandwich halfway to his mouth.  He drops it onto the plate and runs out of the kitchen.  You go to call out his name, to scold him for running towards the stairs, but stop yourself.  You figure it’d be harder to explain why you were calling out a strange word, rather than a person running around your house to hide.  If Bro happens to see Karkat, you can just say you don’t know what he’s talking about.

“Hey Bro.”  You call back instead.  “I’m in here.  Do you want some grilled cheese?”

“Sounds fantastic.”  He says, walking up to the table.  He points to the half eaten half sandwich you gave to Karkat.  “Whose is this?”

“Mine.”

“Oh.  Well I’m going to steal it.”  He picks it up and takes a bite.  “Where’s your old man?”

“He said he was going to be in the shop.”

“Oh.”  He mindlessly stacks the two plates sitting on the table.  “Guess I shouldn’t bug him then.  Who’re you making that for?”

“It was going to be for my dad, but you, if you’d like it.”

“What makes you think he’d want another one?”  You tilt your head at him in confusion.  “That’s whose plate this was, wasn’t it?  Your father’s?”

“Oh!  Oh well I figured he left after one so he could open the shop, not because he was full.”

“So you decided to make him one half way through yours?”

“Before I forgot.  Do you want it or not?”

“No, Johnny, I ate yours, you have it.”

“Oka-”

“Though if you made it and let me take it home to Dave, I’m sure he’d be overjoyed.”

“Okay.”  You laugh.  “Tell him it’s made with love.”

“Will do.”

 

When you finish making the sandwich, you write Dave a note; telling him to try to get ungrounded so the two of you can hang out again.  You put the sandwich and note in a container that normally holds cake, and hand it to Bro. He thanks you, ruffles your hair, and leaves.

“He’s gone!”  You call out to Karkat when Bro goes out of your vision.  Karkat walks out from where ever it was that he was hiding and frowns at you.  “What’s wrong?”

“You gave him my sandwich…”  Your worried expression turns into a smirk.  “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“It’s none funny.”

“You’re acting like you haven’t eaten in years.”

“I might have well have.  I’ve never eaten anything that good before.”

“Okay, okay,” You say, turning back to get some more bread.  “I’ll make you one more, but that’s it.”

“Thanks.”  He walks up to you and ruffles your hair.

“What are you doing?”  You ask, brushing his hand away from your head.

“Saying thank you.”

“What are you doing to my head?”

“. . . That’s what that other human did.  I thought that must be custom.”  You roll yours eyes and tell him it’s not, that Bro only did it because you’re so much younger than he.  People of the same age don’t do that sort of thing unless they’re poking fun, you.  He calls humans weird and asks you to hurry up.

 

Karkat stays all day, sneaking out the window only when you hear your father start cleaning up downstairs in the shop.  He asks if he can come over again and again for the next few days to check up on your ankle.  You tell him yes, but if he could, come towards the night.  You explain if you’ll be able to walk on it, your dad will want you to work.  He’s glad, he thinks it will be easier to come and go when it’s dark.

“So.  Bye.”  He says, hanging half way out of your window.

“Be careful.”  You say.  “I don’t want you to get yourself spotted.”

“I’ll try my best.  I’ll be in your room this time tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll come in as soon as my dad lets me off work.”  He nods at you and slips off into the darkness.  You peak your head out to see if you can see him.  You don-

“What’s wrong?”  He asks, hanging from the windowsill again.  “Is there some human goodbye custom you need to do?”

“And a thank you, but,” You duck down and wrap your arms as much around him as you can as he dangles there.  It’s an awkward hug, but a hug nonetheless.  “Two in one.”  He wraps his arms around you in return and presses against the side of your house with his feet; standing almost.  “Thank you for fixing my foot.”

“Thank you for being alive.”  He whispers back.

“Wouldn’t have liked a dead person on your hands?”  You giggle.

“Something like that.”  He answers.

“John?”  Your father’s voice says.  You gasp and quickly let go of Karkat, subconsciously pushing him away and turning around to your father.  You hear Karkat gasp too, as he falls down.  Woops.

“Yes dad?”  You ask.

“John, what were you doing leaning out of the window like that?”

“Oh, I was just sort of . . .” You turn your head around and peer out.  Karkat’s already gone.  “Looking.”  You shut the window.  “Nothing important.”  Your dad studies you for a long moment.

“Okay, well, come on, what would you like to eat for tea?”

“I’m not really that hungry.  My tummy feels all sorts of funny.”

“Are you ill?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well get some sleep, maybe you’ll be better by morning.”

“Okay, dad.”

“I love you, son.”

“I love you too, dad.  Sorry, again, for getting lost.”

“Not your fault.  I’m so glad you’re back.”  He smiles at you and walks out, shutting your bedroom door.  You hop over to your bed and climb in after losing some clothes.  Sleep is a very tempting thought.  Teaching a troll how to be hygienic really wears a person out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I realize it's been forever, but I started year twelve this year and have basically had two minutes a week to work on it. I'll get a hang of the work load in a bit and have more time for this hopefully.

You wake up at 6:30. That’s more like it. You swing out of bed, stand up, stretch, yawn, rub your eyes, and groggily walk to the bathroom, bumping into a few doorways on your journey.   
“You can walk!” You father yells when you walk out of the bathroom. You flinch back at the sudden noise and look down at your foot.  
“Huh. Guess so.” You shrug.  
“So you can work?”  
“Yeah, dad.”   
Your dad gives you an apple for breakfast and pats your bottom to make you go downstairs. You eat your apple as you take chairs off of the table tops and place them on the floor. Your day goes very slow. Rose comes to visit you. She’s curious about what happened in the forest. You tell her that you just wandered around and got yourself lost. You overhear her talking to your father, telling him that you didn’t try harder to get home because subconsciously you were happy to be away. Biggest load of crap you’ve ever heard, but you’re not about to go telling her that.  
“If I could just have a few minutes with him, I can be certain.” She tells him.  
“Do it subtly.” Your dad tells her. You roll your eyes and continue cleaning off a newly used tabletop.   
“John.” Rose calls out, walking up to you. “You’re acting kind of odd, something wrong?”  
“Nothing, Rose. I’m just working. I don’t have to have a smile plastered on my face while being a busboy.”  
“Well then if nothing’s wrong, how are you feeling?” She runs a finger along the tabletop then studies her finger for dirt. “Unhappy?”  
“No.”  
“Distressed?”  
“No.”  
“Dejected?”  
“No.”  
“Anxious?”  
“N-” You stop half way and think about that. You are a little worried. What if Karkat got caught? “No.” You figure it’s better she doesn’t find out about Karkat. “No, I’m not anxious either.”  
“I see. What about?”  
“What?”  
“You hesitated. That generally means I was correct. What are you anxious about?”  
“I, ugh . . . nothing.” You shrug and turn away to start working again.  
“Nothing? So you’re anxious for no reason?”  
“I- no. No, no, no, no, no, Rose. Don’t look too far into this.”  
“Why not? Something to hide?”  
“No, Rose.”  
“Don’t want to face the truth?”   
“Yes.” You say, seeing a way out. “Yes that’s it, Rose. I don’t want to have anything wrong with me. I’m scared.”  
“It’s okay, Dear.”  
“Ar-are you sure, Rose? I don’t know what I’d do if you were to conclude I was crazy.”  
“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?” You tap a finger to your nose. “Fine John, have it your way. I’ll leave you be.”  
“Thank you, Rose. I have lots to do.”

That was a downright lie. Your day is more or less spent scrunching up balls of paper and throwing them in the trash can at various distances. Your father disapproves until he gets bored too. The two of you make a game out of it. If the paper hits the side and goes in, it’s one point; if the paper goes in without touching a side, it’s two points; and if the paper goes in, hitting the sides or not, while the thrower is facing the other way, it’s three points. The score ends up fifteen to forty-three in favour of yourself. There’s little to do for cleaning today, and even though you wasted the day, you tell your dad you’re tired and wish to go to bed early.

“You can walk!” Karkat beams when you slip into your bedroom.  
“Shh,” You hiss. “And yes, I’ve been working all day.”  
“I know, I went looking for you but no-one was up here.”  
“You what? No! Karkat! You can’t jus—What if my dad was up here and he saw you?”  
“Relax. I would have noticed anyone here before they even had a chance to notice me in return.” You attempt to pout at him, but you’re too pleased that he’s here. You walk up to him and pull him into a tight hug. He hugs back just as tight. “Missed me?” He teases.  
“Yes, and I didn’t know if you would have gotten caught while you were leaving or not.”

The two of you end up laying in your bed with the lights off, talking in hushed whispers. Your dad comes in now and again to offer you food. Karkat takes notice of your dad walking towards your bedroom before you do, and swiftly slides out of your bed to lay on the floor so he’s not noticed.   
You spend a lot of time, after your dad finally goes to bed, running your fingers over Karkat’s horns to make him purr. Every once in a while he nuzzles his head deeper and deeper into the crook of your neck.  
“John.” He says around his purrs. “John, you’re very pitiable.”   
“I- what?” You stop rubbing his horns. “What’d I do? Because I fell? Because my dad won’t leave me alone?”  
“No. What? I- doesn’t matter. It was stupid anyway.” He scratches the back of his head. “I should go.”  
“What? Why?” He shrugs. “Will you be back tomorrow?” He stares at you for a long time then nods, running a hand through your hair and telling you to get some sleep. Sleep ends up finding you quickly, though it leaves you many times throughout the night when you think you feel the bed move.

You end up waking up at five without any luck of falling back into unconsciousness. When you stretch your arms you hit something. It’s Karkat. You rub your eyes to make sure you’re not seeing things and, sure enough, there’s Karkat. Sleeping. Right next to you. There’s a strand of hair stuck to the corner of your mouth. You run a finger along his cheek to knock it loose. His eyes flutter open only to squeeze shut again in annoyance. He moans and grabs your waist, drawing your body to his.   
“What’s wrong? Couldn’t you go without getting caught?”  
“I got cold.” He nuzzles his head into your neck.   
“Um.” You try to pull away from him. “Bros don’t really cuddle together . . .”  
“Huh? I- oh, oh.” He swiftly sits up and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even notice. I just, I had this dream where we, well, doesn’t matter. I guess I just didn’t notice I was awake.”  
“Oh okay.” You get out of your bed and move backwards towards the door. “I guess you should go now, huh?”  
“I don’t have to.”  
“Yes, but I’ve got work.”  
“Yes, but it’s light out.” You look to your window then sigh and motion with your head for him to follow you. He crawls out of your bed and rushes over to you. You poke your head out of your door to try to see your father. He doesn’t appear to be awake yet, but just in case, you grab Karkat’s wrist and run to the bathroom.  
“You have to be really quiet, okay?” He nods. “Okay, and, um, sit here.” You point to the toilet. “Because I have to have a shower and I don’t want you to have to stand the whole time.”  
“The stream? Me too.” He begins to take of his shirt.  
“Woah, woah, Karkat. No. Not together. You can have a shower after me, okay?” He huffs and sits down harshly on the toilet seat. You roll your eyes and step into the shower, pulling the curtain shut behind you.   
You slip off your clothes and drop them just outside of the shower. You tell Karkat not to touch them. He asks why he would want to touch them, to which you’re silenced. You decide to ignore him and go on with your shower, telling him to close his eyes when you get out and dressed in your pyjamas again.  
“Did you say you wanted a shower too?” You ask.  
“Yeah, I want to see this stream of yours.”  
“Okay, so, it’s pretty self explanatory. You turn the knob with the ‘H’ on it for hot water, and the knob with the ‘C’ on it for cold water. You’ll have to use-”  
“You can change the water’s temperature?”  
“Um, yes. Just go in, give it a try.”  
He makes you turn on the water again, like with the sink. You have to explain what soap and shampoo is, and how to use it. He sounds confused when you finish explaining, but you figure if he’s going to learn, he should make a few mistakes. He asks if you can do it for him; wash him. You say no a little bit too loudly. You wonder if it woke your father up. Hopefully not. You proceed to calmly explain to Karkat that it’s not something friends do. He sounds disappointed. Trolls must wash each other, you decide.  
Five minutes into Karkat’s shower there’s a knock at the door. It’s your father, he is wondering what you’re doing up so early, and why you’re shouting. You explain you couldn’t sleep, and stubbed your toe.  
“Be more careful next time you wander around in the dark, okay, son?”  
“I will, thanks dad.”  
“Now don’t mind me, I just need to pop in and grab something.”  
“W-what? No! You can’t!”  
“I won’t be able to see you, and I’ll be quick.”  
A mantra of ‘fuck’ goes around in your head as you watch the doorknob turn. You’re going to get caught out. Your dad is going to find out about Karkat. You’re- you’re slipping into the shower with Karkat.  
Karkat turns to you when you slide in with him. He opens his mouth to speak but you quickly place your hand over his mouth to quiet him. You notice he has a bar of soap tangled through his hair, to which you roll your eyes. You reach up with your free hand to grab the soap. He pulls away from you as you grip the soap. It comes out of his hair, and slips out of your hand, over the top of the shower.  
“Shit.” You breathe as your father laughs.  
“Careful, Sport.” He throws the soap back into the shower and leaves the room. The soap hits Karkat on the head, frightening him enough to push you back, crouch, and hiss at it. You slip and fall to the floor, tripping Karkat on top of you in the process.  
Not exactly how you wished for your morning to go. You wrestle against a slippery Karkat to get him off of you. He attempts to get himself up, but slips on your skin and falls onto you again several times. You decide to just drag yourself out of the shower and let him flop onto the shower floor himself.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispers when you stand up and stare at your soaked clothes.  
“I really don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my dad.”  
“Wear my clothes.” He steps out of the shower, dripping onto the floor, like you. You pick up your towel and hand it to him. “What’s this?”  
“Run it over yourself, it’ll make you dry.”

The two of you spend another ten minutes in the bathroom. You keep on your soaked boxers, and let Karkat wear his dry. You put on Karkat’s clothes and hang your own outside to dry. Hopefully your dad won’t take too much notice of them there.   
“You should probably get home now.” You say, handing Karkat some breakfast you told your dad you’d rather eat in your bedroom, than in the kitchen. “I’ve got to go to work.”  
“Stay.”  
“I can’t.”  
“Say your foot hurts again, you can’t leave me alone up here by myself.”  
“I’m not. You’re leaving.”  
“But it’s bright out, I’ll get caught. Come on, John. Just hang out with me today.”   
“I should re-”  
“John, please. Today only. I’ll never ask to steal you away from your life ever again.” The two of stare at each other for a moment. He pouts his lips a tiny amount and makes his eyes larger than normal. “Plea-”  
“Fine.” His pout automatically turns into a smile. “But only if my dad buys it.”  
“Of course, of course, go tell him now.” He shimmies you out of your room and shuts the door when you slip out. You rub the back of your neck and go looking for your father.  
“Hey dad?” You call out.  
“Thirsty, son?” He asks as he gives you a glass of orange juice and kisses your forehead.  
“I- okay. But, I was wondering if I could maybe not work today? Yesterday kind of wore me out and all . . .”  
“Then why were you up so early?”  
“I wanted to tough it out, but it’s not working so well for me.”  
“Okay. I’ll get someone to fill in for you.” He runs his hand through your hair then presses the back of his hand to your forehead. “You don’t feel warm. Your foot bothering you?”  
“Yes, a bit.”  
“Okay, son, go get some rest.”

Karkat and yourself spend a good portion of the day sitting on your bed talking. You ask him about his smooth chest, what with the lack of nipples and a belly button.  
“I don’t know what those are.” He says.  
“You’re kidding.”  
“No, but if my lack of those things bother you, give me back my shirt.”  
“No, it doesn’t bother me, just with you sitting in front of me half naked I-”  
“Just decided to perve?”  
“No! I just couldn’t help but notice.”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
“If I wanted to perve on you I would have done so in the shower or when we were getting changed. But I didn’t, I looked you in the eye the whole time.”  
“Because you were nervous. You didn’t want to chance getting turned on and me noticing.” He chuckles at your expression. “I’m only teasing, John.”   
“That’s. Not. Funny.” You playfully punch him in the arm between each word.  
“Woah, woah, woah.” He laughs. “Why are you getting so violent on me? Did I hit a nerve? Do you pity me?”  
“Do I pity you? What? Why do you keep asking that?”  
“Because I pity you and you’re getting defensive.”  
“Whyyy? What did I doooo?”  
“You hit me.”  
“I mean to pity me.”  
“You’re just perfect in every way.” You scoff at him. “It’s true!”  
“That doesn’t mean you pity me.”  
“Of course it does!”

The day goes by quickly. He brings up pity again, asking if you ever think you’ll pity him back. You say sure, it’s a large world and he’s bound to be caught doing something stupid. He replies what? You wave him off and the two of you find something to eat. You spend the better half of the afternoon jumping on your bed together and showing him how to use a pen. He leaves when your father finishes work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short, poorly written one but...

Your father got both Rose’s mother and Dave’s brother to fill in for you. You assume Bro did most of the work, and Rose’s mom and your dad spent most of the day flirting. You feel a little sorry for Bro, and a bit more when you forget to hug him. You go out of your room to get yourself a drink.  
“Where’s my hug?” He asks when you’re walking away. You turn around to see him squatting on the floor with his arms open. You smile a little and walk into his arms. He wraps his strong arms around you in return and sits back in his seat, pulling you into his lap.  
“Dirk,” You father says. “I don’t think that’s the wisest-”  
“Shhh.” Bro replies, then talks to you. “So your father tells me you’re depressed. But I have a little boy of my own. Dave did the exact same thing.” You see the side of his face twitch. You assume he just winked at you behind his shades.  
“He did?” Your dad asks.  
“Sure.” He looks up to address Rose’s mom and your dad. “Got up early to shower, didn’t want me to be in the bathroom while he was in the there, wanted to spend his time in his room.” Bro bounces you on his lap. “Johnny boy here’s found his right hand!”  
“Wh-what?!” You basically choke on your saliva. Bro grabs the wrist of your right hand inspects your knuckles.  
“Yep. They’re hairy.” You snatch your hand back.  
“That’s not what’s happening!”  
“Just no longer in the shower.” Bro scolds. “It clogs the drain.”  
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, son.” You father says. “We all do it-” You interrupt him with your screams. You try to get out of Bro’s lap but he holds you in place, clamping a hand over your mouth. You bite one of his fingers, which rewards you with him shoving it into your mouth. “Dirk, what are you doing to my son?”  
“Nothing.” He says innocently.  
“Take your finger out of his mouth.” Bro complies. “Okay,” Your father continues. “Now, John, it’s a normal thing to do, especially at a young age, like yourself.” You squeeze your eyes shut and pretend to be somewhere else. “It feels nice and-” You ride your elbow into Bro’s side. He doubles over, allowing you to get away, or, at least, off of his lap. He grabs the back of Karkat’s shirt and pulls you back towards him.  
“Pops, look, you’re freaking the kid out. I’ll talk to him.” He stands up and grabs your hand instead, leading you to your room. He sits down on your bed and pulls you down next to him.  
“Bro that’s not it.” You say.  
“Egbert look, I don’t care if you’ve been up here all day jerking your meat or not, if you want a helping hand you’re only to ask.”   
“Oh.” You know he’s being serious. “Thanks . . .”  
“No problem, but that’s not what you were doing, is it?”  
“No, I told you that.”  
“John are you depressed? Do you wish to commit suicide?”  
“W-”  
“Because I love you, dude.” He pulls you into a hug and it sounds like he’s going to cry. “Losing you would be like losing Dave. And I’m sure if Dave lost you he’d soon follow.” You hug back.  
“Bro I’m not depressed and never have I thought of ending my life. Even if I were to, I wouldn’t do that to you.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.” He kisses your cheek and tells you he loves you again. “I love you too, man.”  
“And if you ever tell anyone about this,” He says, pulling back and pointing a finger in your face. “I’ll have your balls on my mantelpiece. Are we clear?”  
“Dude, yes.” His serious expression loosens and he smiles, hugging you again. He’s always tended to show facial expressions around you.  
“Then why have you been acting so odd lately?”  
“You mean why have I been going to bed early and waking up early?”  
“Yes, you beautiful boy, you.”  
“My foot’s fucked, Bro. It wears me out so I go to bed early, and since I went to bed early, I wake up early.”  
“Shit that’s it? Nothing juicy? You’re not hiding some foxy woman in here are you?”  
“No, it’s a man.” You say.  
“You’re gay?!” He exclaims, pulling back to look you in the eye. Well, you assume the eye. “Am I the first one you’ve told? Dave would have told me if he knew. I’m the first to know, aren’t I? Oh, John!” He grabs the sides of your face and squishes your cheeks together. “I’m so honoured that you trust me enough to tell me first!”  
“Shhh.” You say, as it’s all you can manage.  
“Oh.” He takes his hands back to himself. “I basically just told the whole house, didn’t I?”  
“Whole neighbourhood.” You correct. “And I never said I was gay. I am allowed to smuggle male friends in.”  
“So you’re not gay?”  
“. . . I don’t know, but-” You get interrupted as he pulls you into another hug. You sure wish he’d stop doing that. He strokes your hair this time, and speaks in whispers.  
“How do you not know? You either you are or you aren’t, no in between. You probably ‘don’t know’ because you don’t want to be. You know you’re dad’s still going to love you, right?”  
“Ye-”  
“Do you have a crush on someone?” He stops hugging you. You retreat to sit on your pillow. “Is it Dave?”  
“No.”  
“Oh. Well then why do you think you are?”  
“I don’t know, I just notice things more I think, on that gender than the other.”  
“Notice like what?”  
“He has a nice chest.” You mumble to yourself. “I think I was perving.”  
“Get’s that from me.” Bro says smugly.  
“Huh? Oh, Bro, no, not Dave.”  
“Then who?”  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“Tell meeee.” He sings, poking your stomach several times.  
“No.” You giggle, swatting at his hands. “Just go back to the kitchen and be old.”  
“Heh. Okay.” He grabs the back of your neck and kisses your forehead. “Don’t go getting depressed on me.”  
“I won’t.”  
“Good boy.” He lightly hits your cheek a few times then leaves. You sigh and flop onto your stomach. That wasn’t something you even knew you knew. You didn’t think you felt that way. It’s not like it matters anyway. He thinks you’re a loser. He pities you. He’ll never lov- love? No, no. You don’t love Karkat. It’s just a stupid little perve. It’s not even a crush. It’s hormones. You’re a raging teenager and you want Karkat’s lips. Hey, wait. No. No you don’t. Shut up brain, you don’t know what you want. You want a secret troll friendship with an awesome dude . . . which will turn into a beautiful romance where he grabs your waist and you kiss and feel his soft lips on yours and oh god, they are so perfect.  
“John . . ?” Your father interrupts, slipping into your room. You sit up and face him. “Dirk is going to go pick up Dave and get take out. Would you like to go with him?”  
“Sure.” You nod your head. “I’d like to go see Dave.”  
“Okay, son.” He opens the door wider and turns back out.

Bro takes your father’s horses and tells you to go in yourself to get Dave when you get to their house. He says to tell him he’s not grounded, though only for tonight, he will be grounded again by tomorrow. Not as many people stare at you this time. It’s later and less people are out. Bro makes you promise more things on your way to his house.  
“I know you said you’ll promise not to get depressed, but I also want you to promise to stay away from razor blades okay? Unless they’re in a razor and you’re shaving your face. You’re going to be one hairy mother fucker, I can just tell.”  
“I’m not going to cut myself.” You say.  
“Stay away from bleach.” He continues. “It might get on your fingers then you put your fingers in your mouth and-”  
“Bro.” You laugh. “Calm down. I’m fine. I’m going to be around all your life, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Except now.” He stops the horses outside of his house. “Go get that asshole.” You get up and walk over to the edge of the cart. Bro grabs your hand and pulls you back, touching a finger to his cheek.  
“Honestly, you’re worse than my dad.”  
“That’s what I aim for.” He taps the finger on his cheek. You roll your eyes, kiss his cheek, then leap off of the cart. It hurts your ankle, but only for a second. “Hurt yourself?” He asks in a way that implies he thought you leaping was a stupid idea.  
“Pff. No.” You jump up the stairs and into their house. “Dave!” You call. “Dave you’re not grounded for the night!” He pokes his head out of his doorway.  
“You serious?”  
“Yeah, come on, Bro’s out the front, we’re going back to my place.” He runs out of his room and jumps into your arms.  
“Oh, John! John! My knight in shining armour, saving me from my bedroom! Take me! Take me now!” You giggle and place him down. He jumps back up. “Seriously, take me.”  
“Wh-”  
“Shh.” He places a finger over your lips. “No speaking.” You roll your eyes walk out of his house with him. Bro raises a brow above his shades when he sees the two of you.  
“Not Dave, ey?” He asks.  
“It’s not.” You snap back, placing Dave on his feet.  
“Of course not.” He walks over to the edge and holds his hands down for you to grab. You grab one, and expect Dave to grab the other. He doesn’t. He jumps up himself. Bro pulls you up one handed then starts driving away.   
“So why the sudden change of mind, Bro?” Dave asks. “Finally realize it was too harsh?”  
“Shut your trap unless you want to be grounded as long as you live. Your stupid decision could have cost John his life. If anything I wasn’t harsh enough.”  
“That-” You slap your hand over Dave’s mouth. He licks your palm all the way to the store, and all the way home. You try to remove your hand, but he holds it in place.

Bro picks up ten burgers from the store. Bro, Dave, and yourself have three each. Your dad and Rose’s mom split one in half. You and the Striders hang out at a table in the empty shop. Your voices echo, so Bro decides to turn off the lights and play hide and seek, throwing his voice to lure Dave and yourself into a false sense of security. When he finds one of you, he will throw his voice to the other side of the store, then run his hand up your back. Every time it makes you squeal.   
“I don’t see how you’re so depressed.” Dave says when the three of you find the table again.  
“I’m not.” You answer. “Rose is just feeding that to my dad and he’s believing it.”  
“You’re dad’s a twit.” Dave mumbles.  
“Dave!” Bro scolds. “Respect your elders.”  
“Bite me, elder.”  
“No, no. Not me. I’m not old.”  
“Ancient.” You correct.  
“Oh, ha ha ha-”  
“Mind my interruption.” Your dad says from the top of the stairs. “But Dirk, may I speak with you?”  
“Sure.” He stands up from the table and addresses Dave and yourself, “Excuse me ladies,” then bounds up the stairs to speak in private.  
“What do you think they’re saying?” Dave whispers.  
“I bet they’re talking about how lame you are.”  
“I bet they’re talking about how small your dick is.”  
“Bet you’re wrong.”  
“Bet I’m right.” You flip him off and watch Bro as he comes back down to you.  
“Your dad’s getting laid.” He says to you. “You’re spending the night with us. Go get your PJs.”  
“You’re joking . . .”  
“Nope. Scoot. You may catch a glimpse of it as you’re up there, so be careful where you land your eyes.”  
“. . . Okay.” You get out of your chair and go upstairs. There’s some items of clothing thrown across the living room and down the hall. You hear a few feminine squeaks coming from your dad’s room and curl your lip up.  
“John!” Karkat smiles. “Where were you, are you okay?”  
“I’m fine. What’re you doing here?” You decide to just change into your PJs now. You won’t be changing into new clothes tomorrow, and Karkat’s already seen you half nude before.  
“I’ve gotten used to sleeping here. It’s soft and warm. Should I not do that? I can go home.”  
“No, that’s fine, man. Just I have to go to my friend’s house for the night. You can sleep here though, if you don’t mind my dad getting laid in the room across the hall.”  
“What?”  
“My dad’s got a lady over and he doesn’t want me in the house. But if you’d rather sleep in my bed than in the forest, that’s fine, just be warned.”  
“What does it mean to . . .” Oh god his lips look so beautiful when he’s talking. Wait, what is he saying? Fuck it. You’re going to kiss him. You’re going to do it. You’re—you should wet your lips first. “John.” Karkat says.  
“Huh?”  
“Were you listening?”  
“Oh. No. Sorry, I was thinking. But, hey, you pity me, right?”  
“I most certainly do.”  
“Okay, that’s what I thought . . . Well, I have to go. You can spend the night here though if you wish.” You rush out of your room and slam the door shut. He will never love you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops, I thought I posted this about a week ago.

Bro tells Dave and yourself to go to bed when you make it to their house. He says he’s sick of seeing your faces and hearing your voices for the evening. You would have liked to stay up and do something, but sleep is okay too. You and Dave share his bed. You wake up cuddling him, thinking he’s Karkat.  
“Not Dave, ey?” Bro teases with a smirk when he sees you in the morning.  
“What?”  
“I saw you two cuddling.”  
“Oh. Well, it’s not what you think.”  
“Really? So the two of you didn’t confess your hot homo love for one another then spend the night touching each other’s naughties?” He wiggles his fingers in your face.  
“No we didn’t.” You slap his hand. “And for your information I thought . . . nothing. I thought nothing.” Your turn to walk away but he grabs your shoulder and snakes around to face you.  
“You thought . . .”  
“I thought I should go home so I can start work.”  
“You thought . . .”  
“That is what I thought.”  
“Please, John. I wasn’t born yesterday.  
“I know. You should start dressing your age.” You fold down his collar, take off his glasses, and knock of his hat. “Much better.” He only glares at you.  
“You thought . . .”  
“Don’t you want your stuff back?”  
“You thought . . .” You put his glasses on yourself. “John, what’d you think?” He picks you up and sits you on the counter.  
“I just forgot where I was and thought that Dave was the dude.” You whisper with a shrug.  
“Who is this boy?”  
“You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Try me.”  
“No. Really, you wouldn’t.”  
“Have you kissed him?”  
“He doesn’t like me like that. He pities me.”  
“. . . John, are you in love with one of your bullies?” You shake your head. “Then who? Can you show me?”

You agree to introduce Karkat to Bro. You trust Bro. You don’t think he’ll tell anyone about Karkat. You tell him to not overreact when you open your door. You see Karkat. He is still asleep and he is so beautiful. Bro, however, does not think so. He makes a squeaking noise when he spots Karkat and shoves you into the wall. Karkat wakes up when Bro tackles him out of your bed. The two of them yell and flail. Karkat gets out from under him once, but Bro grabs onto his ankle and pulls him back. Karkat makes various awful hissing sounds.  
“Bro stop!” You yell, running up to them. You jump onto Bro’s back and pull on his face. There’s a lot of cuts on his cheeks, and Karkat freezes when he sees you. He’s about to bite down into the side of Bro’s neck. Bro uses this to his advantage and grabs Karkat’s head and slams it into the ground repeatedly. Karkat squishes his eyes shut and reaches up and grabs your hand, somehow managing to kick Bro off from on top of him, sending Bro across the room, and you flat against Karkat.  
“Hi.” Karkat smiles. You look over his face then hug him as best you can while he’s laying against the floor. He lazily puts his arms around you in return. “Thought it would be a good idea to introduce your troll friend to your human friends?”  
“No, but I thought it was a good idea to-”  
“John . . ?” Bro asks. You turn your head so you’re looking at him.  
“Bro, this is Karkat.”  
“A troll?” Bro hisses, grabbing the back of your shirt and pulling you up off of Karkat. “Where did you even meet him?”  
“In the woods. He saved my life.”  
“Probably so he could eat you. Get rid of him.”  
“This is him, though, they guy I have a crush on.”  
“No. Oh, no, no, no, no. John you are not going to be in love with a troll. Do you hear me?”  
“Who do you think you are telling me who I can and can’t love?”  
“He. Is. A. Troll. What are the chances he is even in love with you back?”  
“Hmm?” Karkat chimes in.  
“Do you love this kid?” Bro asks, shaking your shoulders.  
“Pardon?”  
“Do you want to kiss him?” Karkat stares at you for a long time then begins to nod. You feel your face heat up and you’re body become light. You’re glad Bro is holding onto your shoulder, otherwise you’re sure you would have floated off the ground.  
“That would be very nice.” Karkat whispers. “But he doesn’t want to kiss me, so that’s okay. I’m fine with-”  
“He does want to kiss you.” Bro spits, shoving you towards Karkat.  
“Really?” Karkat asks, a hint of a smile at his lips.  
“Um,” You stammer. “Well I guess maybe a little bit but-”  
“Go on then.” Bro says. “Kiss.”  
“What?” You ask. “That’s not really a thing you can stage, Bro. I mean, first kisses shouldn’t be because the friend of one of-”   
“Just kiiiiss.” You look to Karkat and he looks at you back. His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips numerous times. He slowly leans forward and you feel your stomach drop. It feels both light and heavy. It must be stretching. It’s trying to sneak out the front door and the back door. Your heart’s beating extremely fast and that too is trying to come out of your mouth. Your palms become clammy so you wipe them on your pants, immediately regretting it because now he knows you’re sweaty and gross.   
But then his lips hit yours. Everything goes back to normal. Your stomach decides it’s going to stick around for a while, taking your heart with it. Your palms dry up and find his chest, clutching a small portion of his shirt. Your eyes slide shut and your lips open and close together. This is almost worth all Bro’s shit, which ends in a few seconds when he decides to leave. Karkat moves a hand to your hair, and you move your feet so you walk the two of you over to your bed. You sit down first, then Karkat. He pulls you into your lap and stops the kiss.  
“No.” You breathe, eyes still closed. “I’m not done.” You press your lips to his again. You love the rough feel of his lips against yours. You love his hands in your hair. You love that he kissed first.  
“You should work.” He mumbles onto your lips.  
“No, I think I’ll take the day off.”  
“What was that phrase your friend said?” He asks, running his hands again and again over your face and through your hair.  
“Hmm?”  
“Do I something this kid.”  
“Oh. Love. Do you love this kid.”  
“Love.” He whispers. “It’s perfect.” You smile at him and mould your lips together again. He kisses back for a little while then breaks apart. “Go to work, Love. I’ll be here when you get back.”  
“I don’t want to leave.” You whine.   
“I promised you I’d only take up one of your days.” He taps his lips to yours then stands you up. You grab his hand and stand him up too. “Do I have to leave to make you go to work?”  
“That’s the only way-” He interrupts your sentence by kissing you again for a second, then disappearing. You guess you’re going to be working today.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really short and shit but eh.

Bro is standing outside of your bedroom when you walk out. He grabs your face and checks it over, then lifts your shirt and inspects your torso. You suspect he’s searching you for cuts. Once he’s satisfied that you’re not hurt, he puts a hand on the top of your head and leads you downstairs to start working.  
“So he’s the reason why you’ve been spending all your time in your bedroom?” He asks while on the staircase.  
“Not really, but a bit.”  
“Hmm. I still don’t like it.”  
“I know, Bro. Please don’t tell my dad though. And please don’t call him an it.”  
“I’ll call him whatever I want because he’s a troll.”  
“I know.”  
“No.” He stops you just before going into the kitchen. “I don’t think you do. Do you know what happened to your mother?”  
“I know, but he’s differ-”  
“No he’s not.”  
“Then why did you tell me to kiss him?” You hiss.  
“I didn’t think you would!”  
“What are you yelling at my son about now, Dirk?” Your father asks, walking out with a batch of cupcakes.  
“Nothing.” The two of you say at the same time.  
“Well okay. Here, Dirk, one on the house.” Your father holds the plate out for Bro. Bro takes one and thanks your father.  
“Well I’ll see you Egberts later.” He says. “It would be lovely if John could spend the night again. We enjoyed having him over.”  
“Would you like to?” Your father asks. “I can get Roxy to fill in for your shift tomorrow.” You shake your head, knowing Bro just wants to keep you away from Karkat.  
“I’ll pick you up when you get off.” Bro says and hands you the cupcake. “I’ll collect your things from your room.”  
“Bro, no.”  
“We’ll talk about it later, kiddo.”  
“But, Bro!”  
“Later.” He flash steps out of the shop and you groan, walking back into the kitchen and putting on an apron. Your father gives you an odd look but goes to the counter. 

You’re put on baking today. You’re okay with that. You have to mix the batter and cook the cakes. It’s not so bad. You’re not as good at it as your dad, but he says practice makes perfect. You have to hand him plain cakes and he puts the icing on top. You’re too horrible at that. He promises to teach you sometime when the shop is closed, but you know he won’t. He’ll keep putting it off. You’re okay with that too.  
You burn several cupcake batches throughout the day, but don’t hold anyone up. There are too many ovens baking at a time to screw up that much. For that you’re thankful. You can afford to burn three batches at a time without having to make anyone wait.

Bro is waiting for you when you get off work. He has a duffle bag at his feet and raises a brow at you when you glance from him to the stairs. You wonder if you’ll be able to talk your way out of going over. Maybe if you say you’re not feeling well your father will tell Bro to just go home.  
“Let’s go kiddo.” Bro says, standing up.  
“I’m not feeling well.” You say to your dad.  
“What doesn’t feel well?” He asks with a look of sympathy.  
“I just feel like I’m going to puke.”  
“Do you want to stay home?” You nod and he kisses your forehead. “Sorry to cancel on you, Dirk.”  
“Oh, bullshit. He’s faking!”  
“Dirk, what possible reason would my son have to fake feeling ill?”  
“You really want to know?” Bro glances to you and smirks. You stare blankly at him. “Come with me, pops. I’ll show you.”  
“No.” You cough out.  
“Then let’s get going.” He holds his hand out for you. You glance up to your dad then take Bro’s hand.  
“Dirk he’s ill.” Your father protests.  
“I’ll be fine, dad. It’s passing.”  
“John I don’t want you going.”  
“Then we’ll just talk here.” Bro says, towing you up the stairs. He drags you into your bedroom and slams the door shut. You’re a little disappointed that Karkat isn’t here. Bro must notice the look on your face and he explains. “It was here when I came to get your things. I told it to leave.”  
“Bro!”  
“Hey.” He snaps. “That thing is no good for you. I know I told you to kiss it, but that was only because I thought you wouldn’t do it and it’d be so damned embarrassed it’d never step foot in this town again.”  
“He is not bad for me.” You retaliate. “He is the nicest person I know.”  
“He’s one of the people that killed your mother, John!”  
“He’s different! He saved me!”  
“How did he save you?”

You explain to Bro everything that happened in the forest. How a troll was after you and Karkat pulled you to safety (you conveniently leave out the part where he thought you were a troll); How he carried you back to your house since you couldn’t walk; How he gave you the cream which-  
“What cream?” Bro asks.  
“It’s a troll cream that fixes basically everything. You just rub it on the skin over the area and it will fix it. I bet if you rubbed it over a kidney that’s gone and died it would fix it for you.”  
“Mm. Sure. So where is this cream?”  
“I keep it here in my drawer.” You answer, getting up to get it out.  
“Show me how it works.”  
“I’d have to cut you.” You tease.  
“Fine. How deep?” You’re taken aback. You didn’t think he’d be up for getting cut.  
“I don’t think it matters.” You say. “Karkat said if you cut yourself and end up cutting a vein the cream would heal it anyway.”  
“I’m not going to cut my vein.” He answers and leaves your room. You sit on your bed with the cream and wait for him to come back. He has a small cut on his finger. It looks like a paper cut.  
“Wow,” you say. “that’s a bit small, but sure, it will work.” You unscrew the cap and put a little bit on your finger, then run it over his cut. In about a minute it closes up and looks like there was never a cut there.  
“That’s amazing!” He yells, examining his finger.

You go on to explain that once Karkat put the cream on your ankle he gave it to you just in case you got injured again, then the next day came to check up on you. This convinces Bro that he’s not all bad; that he might actually care for you.  
“I still have a bad feeling about it, though.” Bro says. “Like the whole thing is going to end with your death.”  
“He’s not going to kill me.” You protest, rolling your eyes.  
“I just have a feeling.”  
“Well your feeling is wrong. He’s not going to kill me. The second I think that’s his intention I’ll tell you, okay?” He nods. “But it’s not.” You continue. “So it doesn’t matter.”  
“Promise me the moment you think that’s his intention you’ll leave and come to my house.”  
“I promise.” You whisper. He pulls you into a short hug then leaves the room. You wait a few minutes before running to your window and opening it, calling out for Karkat.


	10. Chapter 10

Karkat must have been hanging around, because soon after you poke your head out of your window and say his name, he tackles you to the ground and is kisses around your face. You laugh and wrap your arms around him.  
“I missed you.” He says between kisses. “So so much.” He eventually moves his kisses to your lips and his speed changes. The two of you kiss each other slowly and carefully for several minutes then just lay on the floor, limbs intertwined.   
“I’m sorry about Bro.” You say. “He thinks you just want to kill me.”  
“I would never, Love.” He says, sitting up and shooting you a worried glance.  
“I know, I know.” You open your arms for him. He moves into them and lies on your chest as you play with his hair to hear him purr. You notice his hands kneading, digging a little into your shirt. You wonder why you never noticed that before.  
“Hey John?” You dad asks through your door, interrupting your ten minute long cuddle with Karkat. Karkat glances up then quickly escapes through your window. “What are you doing on the floor?” Your dad asks when he walks in and sees you.  
“I um, I just, can’t . . . be bothered . . . to um, to go to my bed.” You close your eyes and let out a loud breath, disgusted with the excuse you’ve come up with.  
“That- really?” You father asks. You nod. “Is it because you feel sick?” You nod again. “Well come on, maybe eating will make you feel better.”  
“I’m not hungry.” You say too fast. He stares at you with sympathy for a long time. You stare back from on the floor.  
“Well okay. If you change your mind I’ll leave some food for you.” You nod again as you watch him leave and shut the door. Karkat comes back in and helps you up from the floor.  
“Can’t be bothered.” He mocks with a kiss. You blush kiss back, but he soon breaks away. “You should go eat though, and maybe if you could bring a bit back . . .”  
“I’ll bring some back for a kiss.” You smile. He smiles back and taps his lips to yours.  
“Now shoo.”

You walk out of your room and into the kitchen. Your dad’s face lightens up when he sees you. You slide into a chair and eat half of the pasta on your plate then ask your father if he heard a noise downstairs. He says he didn’t, and neither did you, but you persist that he goes check it out. He complies and goes downstairs, giving you an opportunity to rush into your bedroom and hand Karkat the plate. You tell him he doesn’t have much time to eat it all, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. He eats it all within thirty seconds and thanks you, licking some sauce off of his lips. You watch his tongue snake over his lips and nod before retreating back to the kitchen.  
Your father informs you that there was nothing downstairs and what you heard was probably just wind. You agree that it probably was and excuse yourself to your room. He asks if you’re going to sleep. You tell him you’ll see and scurry off to your room.   
Karkat is sitting on your bed when you walk in. He smiles and sits up a little more straight when he sees you. You walk over and stand between his legs, running your fingertips down the side of his face. His skin is a little coarse under yours, a feature of being a troll you suspect. The two of you stare at each other in intense silence. His mouth is slightly agape and you run your thumb over it. His eyes slide shut and his lips purse, kissing your thumb. You place your free hand on his chest and lightly begin pushing. He opens his eyes and lowers his body onto your bed, gently biting down on his bottom lip. You crawl onto the bed and hover over him, bottom in the air, face near his, and hands weaved through his hair.  
You duck your head down and shut your eyes, listening to the way his breathing changes. His breathing is fast when you hover above him, and stops completely when you begin to duck your head. You smile at his reaction and- hit your mattress. You sit up and notice Karkat’s left, and your father walks in.  
“I thought you might like some ice cream.” He says in a small voice. “Might cheer you up.”  
“Thank you.” You say, trying not to roll your eyes at the irony. You get up and go to grab the bowl in his hand. He pulls it out of your reach and leads you out of your room to sit on the couch with him.  
“John, I love you.” He says as you shovel ice cream into your mouth. “So much.” He brushes hair out of your face and kisses your forehead. You nod and swallow the ice cream in your mouth.  
“I love you too, dad.” He smiles at you and pulls you into a hug. You sigh and half heartedly hug back.  
“Is there something wrong?”  
“I just don’t feel well again. I think I should sleep.”  
“I’ll run you a hot bath.” Your father says, letting you go and standing up. “Then you can sleep for school.”  
“School?” You whine. “But my ankle!”  
“That was days ago. You’re fine to go to school now.”  
“But daaad!” You continue to whine.   
“No.” He snaps. “You’re going to school.” He walks down the hall and into the bathroom. You hear the water turn on.

Karkat is back in your room. He hugs you from behind and purrs as you get clean clothes to change into. He tells you in his scratchy purr voice that he missed you. You tell him that you missed him too, but you have to go have a bath. He asks if he can join you.  
“I’d love to spend time with you, but I really think you should stay here. It would be too hard to sneak you in.” He sighs at your response and lets go of you. You turn towards him.  
“Hurry.” He orders with a pleading look.  
“I’ll come back as soon as it’s not suspiciously short, kay?”  
“I’m still going to miss you, Love.” He grabs your hand and kisses your fingers. You smile and blush. “You’ve been coming and going much too quickly tonight.”

You spend more time in the bath than is needed. Ten minutes would have sufficed, but once your body is in the warm water, you don’t feel like you have the energy to move. All your body is capable of doing is relaxing. By half an hour though, your father knocks on the door and tells you to get out before you end up falling asleep.  
Ten minutes later you leave the bathroom with your wet hair and stumble into your room. Karkat grabs both your hands and leads you to your bed. He lies down and pulls you down on top of him, but you just roll off and cling to his side like a sloth. He accepts the cuddling and clings to you back.  
“Before you fall asleep.” He says. “My friends want to meet you.”   
“Now?” You ask. He chuckles and kisses your nose.  
“No. Not now. Tomorrow. They’re wondering who it is I’m devoting all my time to.”  
“I can’t tomorrow. School.”  
“The day after.”  
“Can’t.”  
“Day after that.”  
“Shhh.” You place a finger on his lips and sit up, sliding under your blankets. “Talk to me about it in the morning.”  
“Can’t you just not go?”  
“You mean skip? I can’t skip school.” You grab his shirt and pull on it, inviting him to come closer.   
“You did it before.” He whispers, climbing into your bed with you. He grabs your waist and pulls you toward him. “Why not now?”  
“Can’t you wait a few days?” You sit up a little and crush your lips to his. He moves a hand to the back of your neck and moulds his lips around yours. You chuckle and pull away. “At least let me go to school for this week.”  
“Fine.” He says, leaning up to kiss you again.

The two of you spend the time until you fall asleep lying on your sides, fingers laced together, and lips touching at three second intervals. The closer you get to sleep, however, the larger the gap between your kisses, and the less you purse your lips. Karkat doesn’t seem to mind, he must be close to sleep too, you assume.

When you wake up in the morning, Karkat is still asleep. You get out of your bed as quietly as possible, and kiss him when you’re about to leave, hoping to wake him so he knows you’re leaving. He doesn’t wake up, so you run your hand along the side of his face and whisper his name. He groans and turns his head towards you, eyes still closed.  
“I’m leaving now.” You whisper. “You can sleep here but be careful of my dad, okay?” He nods and turns his head back to where it was. You smile and leave your room, closing your door as silently as you can.

Dave welcomes you back to school when he sees you. You thank him, but say you’d rather be asleep. He agrees and says you can always sleep in class with him. This, of course, means he wants to sleep and you have to help him appear awake. You’ve done it a few times, and it seems to work somewhat.   
The two of you sit at the back. You push your chairs together and lean forward, resting your heads in your hands. You both lean slightly to the left, and Dave, being on the right, is able to put some of his weight on you so he’s more comfortable. If he starts to breathe too deeply you nudge him. It’s worked about four times out of six.   
“Dave may you continue reading?” The teacher asks. You notice Dave’s hand twitch at his name, but he doesn’t wake up. “Da-”  
“Can I read?” You ask. The teacher moves her eyes to you and nods.  
“If you’d like to.” She smiles. You thank her and begin reading about the central nervous system or something. Dave groans at your voice in his ear and tells you to shut up. “David!” The teacher scolds. He snorts and sits up, looking around.  
“What did I do?” He asks, composing himself.  
“Were you asleep in my class?”  
“No, ma’am. I was just giving an example of . . .” He moves the sheet you were reading off so it faces him. “Oh Jesus.” He breathes when he reads the heading. “I was just giving an example of the central nervous system.” He says a little louder, talking to the teacher. “Like how it works when one sleeps.” He draws air quotes around ‘sleeps’. The teacher gives Dave a dirty look. “It’s true, ma’am, why would I lie to you?”  
“It’s true.” You pipe in. “Me reading was also part of it.”  
“John don’t get yourself involved.” The teacher snaps. “Dave come sit up the front.” Dave turns his head to you, then back to her. She motions to the desk. He huffs and gathers his belongings. “And take off those glasses.” She adds.  
“What?” Dave asks. “Ma’am you wouldn’t make John take of his glasses, would you?”  
“Of course not. He wears reading glasses.”  
“So do I.”

This argument goes on for a while; until the period is over. You hang back with Dave as the teacher calls Bro. Dave told her if she didn’t believe him, to call Bro. The teacher thought Dave was bluffing, so she calls him only to have Bro say Dave’s glasses are in fact prescription. She apologises to Dave and the two of you leave.  
You’re not in Dave’s class this next period. You’re not in anyone’s class. At least, not anyone you know enough to sit next to. You end up sitting up the front alone.  
“How’s those cupcakes?” Your bully asks when your teacher steps out to get something she forgot. He throws a scrunched up ball of paper at you. You sigh and keep doing your work. “Hey,” He continues. “I’m talking to you.” He throws another paper ball at you. After a moment you hear his chair screech as he gets up. Your stomach becomes heavy and your heart picks up, palms becoming clammy. “John.” He says, sitting down in the spare seat next to you. You continue to ignore him and do your work. “How’s the cupcakes? Bet your fag of a father cried.”  
“My dad’s not a fag.” You whisper.  
“What’s that?” He asks. You ignore him again. “Hmm? John.” He reaches across the table and grabs your face, turning it so you’re looking at him. “What did you say?”  
“Nothing.” You say, trying to pry his hands off of you.  
“What’s the matter?” He smirks, tightening his grip.  
“Stop.” You choke out. To your surprise, he listens and lets you go. Your hand automatically rises to rub where he was holding, hoping to get rid of the pain of the pressure. He smiles at you and raises his own hand. You cringe and brace yourself as he grabs the back of your head and slams it into the table top. He keeps a hold of you and moves your head so it’s right in front of his.  
“Next time I ask you a question you’re going to answer me. Are we clear?” You nod. “I said, are we clear?”  
“Yes.” You mumble.  
“Good.” He lets go of you then spits on your face. “Cake scum.” He gets up and returns to his seat. You wipe the spit off of your face and inspect your glasses. They’re not broken. He focused on hitting your forehead on the table thankfully.

Needless to say, you don’t tell anyone about that little encounter. Every other class on your schedule you can sit next to one of your friends. He doesn’t seem to pick on you if you’re with someone. You like that, and he likes that your face has started to bruise a little. You’re not looking forward to when your dad sees.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a rushed half assed chapter cause I felt bad for making you guys wait during exams.  
> Screw exams.  
> Johnkat is more important.  
> Obviously.

You avoid your friends as much as can during the day. Though that isn’t too easy in class. When you’re in class with either Rose or Jade, you just sit your hand over the bruise on the side of your face they can see, and when you’re in class with Dave, you encourage him to sleep.  
You avoid them at breaks and quickly rush home when the bell goes. You walk fast home to have no chance of any of your friends catching up with you, and sneak into the shop.  
“Come start your shift, Son.” Your dad calls from behind the counter.  
“Can I quickly eat something?” You call back from the entrance of the shop. He nods and goes back to serving customers. The shop isn’t busy today.

You rush over to the stairs and jump over the small gate, then run up them. You throw your bag onto the couch and go into your room to put on more comfortable shoes.   
“John!” Karkat beams. You gasp and turn around to run out of your room so he doesn’t see your face, but you had shut your door, and slam right into it. You fall onto your bottom and shake your head. “Are you oka-” Karkat lifts his hand and runs his rough padded fingertips over your bruises. You swat his hand away and stand up. “Love what happened?”  
“It was nothing, I just bruise easy I guess.”   
“Who did this to you?”  
“Nobody, just some kid that picks on me.” You pick up the magic troll cream from where Bro sat it down. “Will this get rid of them?”  
“Of course it will.” He reaches over and takes it out of your hand. “Who was it? Do you want me to kill them?”  
“What?”  
“I can make it quick, there’ll be no pain.”  
“I- What? No. Karkat, jeez. Have you been here all day?”  
“Sleeping mostly.”  
“You sleep a lot.”   
“Well excuse me if I can’t get a lot of sleep out there.” He unscrews the cream and dips his fingers into it.  
“I can do it.” You say. He dismisses you and runs the cream along your face. You make sure you don’t make eye contact with him.  
“There.” He says once he’s done, kissing your cheek. “They’re gone already. Now can you tell me how this happened?” You grab the cream out of his hand and screw on the cap, sitting it down where you found it.  
“I have work.” You mumble.  
“Love.” He says, grabbing your wrist. “Are you okay?” You nod, but look at the floor. He places a finger under your chin and lifts your head so you’re looking at him. “Are you sure? I don’t want someone hurting you.”  
“It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have been ignoring him. It was rude.”  
“No-one ever deserves to be hur-” You rush into him and embrace him in a hug. He hugs you back and rests the side of his head on yours.  
“It’s nothing, Karkat, I promise. If it were a problem I’d tell you.” You break away from the hug. “I should go to work now.” He grabs the side of your face and crushes his lips to yours, walking backward to your bed. You pull away and laugh.   
“Please, John.” He whines, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I haven’t seen you in so long and I just want to be with you and hold you.” He begins swaying.  
“As nice as that sounds, Karkat,” You whisper, swaying back. “I really do have to go.”  
“Tomorrow.” He says, pulling away and running the back of his hand slowly down the side of your face. “Tomorrow we’ll go see my friends. But we’ll dawdle, okay?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“They won’t hurt you. See how you feel about it in the morning.” He kisses your forehead and nudges you lightly to your door. You twinkle your fingers at him as a goodbye and slip out.

You end up working both the counter and the ovens today. Within the first half an hour of your shift a couple walks in and asks you if you do wedding cakes. You say you’re not sure, and excuse yourself while you go to the back to ask your dad. His face lights up and he takes off his apron, handing it to you. Ever since, he’s been sitting with them at a table in the back corner and you have to both bake and take orders.  
It’s not too bad. A few people grimace at the cakes they receive, but they accept them nonetheless. It’s been good practice for you, though not a lot. By six o’clock there have been no customers for twenty odd minutes. You decide to rest your head in your arms on the counter until someone begins rattling things beside your head. You open your eyes and things are significantly darker, but there’s a bright light coming from the table your dad was seated at. You close your eyes again to escape it.  
“When’s this kid get off?” The male of the couple asks as he looks around the counter for something.  
“Hmm.” You hear in your dad’s voice. “Half an hour ago. Did he fall asleep?”   
“Yeah, I think.”  
“Excuse me for a moment, please.” Your dad says. You hear footsteps coming your way. “He has depression and sleeps a lot.” He touches your shoulder and shakes it a little. “John.” He whispers. “John, son, wake up.” You groan to let him know you’re already awake. He grabs your other shoulder and lifts you up. “How long have you been asleep?” You shrug as you rub your eye.  
“A bit I guess.”   
“Rough day at school?” Your sleepy mind makes you nod, but only for a moment before you begin shaking your head.  
“No. No it was fine.”   
“Okay. Go up to bed, son. I’ll be a little while with this lovely couple.” You nod and walk out from behind the counter.  
“Goodnight John.” The lady calls out to you as you climb the stairs. You wave at her and trug off toward your room.

When you open the door you’re tackled into the adjacent wall. Karkat kisses you urgently and grabs the back of your thigh, lifting it up to his hip. You take no time to wrap both your arms and legs around him and kiss back. He supports your bottom with his hands and walks you over to your couch, dropping you down onto it then climbing on top of you. You re-wrap your limbs and kiss again only to have him pull away slightly.  
“Have you eaten?” He asks, lips grazing yours as he speaks.  
“No.” You answer.  
“Would you like to?”  
“God no.” You move a hand to the back of his head and lift yours up, crushing your lips to his again. You feel a smile on his lips as he growls, resuming kissing you as urgently as possible.  
The two of you kiss until you have to break away from each other for breath. Karkat sucks in a single gasp of air then begins kissing you again. You’re not sure what’s brought this on, and you’re not curious enough to make it stop. You plan on lying underneath him enjoying it for as long as you can, which happens to be for another three cycles of kissing until you both need to stop for air.  
“I think we should go to your room.” He breathes in your ear, sliding his tongue along your ear lobe. It sends goose bumps along your arms.  
“O-okay. Sounds good, my dad might be coming up soon anyway.” You smile at him and he smirks back, climbing off of you and towing you off to your room.

He lies down on your bed and pulls you down so you’re on top of him. You wrap your arms around his neck as best you can as he rests his hands on your hips and begins moving them in circles on his. You gasp a little and look down at your hips then back to his face. His eyes roam your face.  
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.  
“What are you doing?” You ask just before he leans up to meet your lips.  
“Creating friction.”   
“Why?”  
“Do you trust me?” He asks, spreading his legs a little and repositioning your hips. You feel a pang of pleasure jolt through you as he moves you in this position.  
“You haven’t given me a reason to not to.”  
“Then trust me with this.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i just finished my exam so i'm going to just post what i've got atm.  
> omg i actually never posted this chapter, i just put it as preview then clicked out, oops.

Karkat continues to guide your hips in circles on his. He varies his speed and size at times. He does small, fast circles (these ones you like the best. The only downside is they make you pull away from kissing him to let a moan escape your mouth into his ear.), and slow, teasing, large ones. You decided it was in your best interest to scold him for these teasing circles several minutes back. Since then, he’s been sure to do them more often. You can feel the smirk on his lips every time he drags out the circles. By now you’ve gotten sick of them and beg him to stop, adding a pretty please in for good measure. To your surprise, he complies.  
He rolls over so he’s on top of you. He spreads your legs and begins rolling his hips onto yours in a rapid rhythm. You clutch the fabric of his shirt on his back, push your hips into his, and let out a small breath as he moans. His eyebrows knit together and raise higher than you knew was possible. You lift your hand up to rest on the back of his neck, causing his eyes to open and fix on yours. The thrusting ceases and your lips graze carefully against one another’s.  
Karkat lowers his body so it’s resting atop of yours and takes his time with kissing you. The two of you wrap your arms around each other and kiss slow and what, at least to you, is passionately. His hands slip down your body eventually and around to your waist as he sits up. You drop your arms lazily around your head and smile up at him. He scootches down your lap and grabs your waistband. You gasp and sit up on your elbows, about to say something when his head shoots to your door. He groans in annoyance and disappears from your sight a moment before your father walks in.  
“Son?” He asks as you scramble to cover yourself. You notice your downstairs is all wet. You weren’t aware you were sweating so much. You put your pillow over your groin to cover it all.  
“Yeah, dad?”  
“Did you eat?”  
“No, I’m not hungry. I wanna sleep.”  
“Okay.” His eyes glance to the pillow then back at you. “Goodnight. I love you.”  
“I love you too, dad.” And with that he’s gone. Karkat comes out from under your bed and lays next to you.  
“I love you more than he does, John.” You hold your breath for a moment when you feel as if your heart left your body. You produce a stupid grin as your face heats up. “I love you so fucking much.” Your grin gets wider. “So much.” He whispers, tapping his lips to yours. “Get some sleep now.”  
“Wha-? A-are you serious?” You ask, heat leaving your face. “I can’t sleep now. I’m much too awake.”  
“Well we can’t do anything now.”  
“We’ll be quiet.” You say, rolling on top of him. He chuckles and rolls the two of you over so he’s on top. You grin again and lift your head to kiss him, only to have him pull back.  
“I don’t want to get your sheets dirty, and we have a big day tomorrow, I want you to get some rest.”  
“After.” You answer, rolling your hips up onto his.  
“I appreciate your enthusiasm, Love,” He lifts his hips up so they’re harder for you to reach. “But we really should sleep.”  
“Yes. After.”  
“Now, my Love.” He ducks down and taps his lips to yours. “I love you, go to sleep.”  
“I ca-”  
“The feeling will go away if you ignore it.” You sigh and shove him off of you. He chuckles again and kisses your neck.

You wake up above your sheets (you decided you were too warm to get under) with Karkat draped across your chest, lightly snoring. He has an arm wrapped around your neck, and you have one in his hair. Your free hands are clasped together. You decide to squeeze his hand, which makes him produce a small whimper.  
“Good morning, gorgeous.” You whisper, running your hand down his back.  
“Mmm, ready to go?” He asks in a deep, gravely, sleep weighed voice. You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss it.  
“I want my dad to think I’m going to school.” He turns his head so he’s looking at you and drags himself up your body so he can touch his lips to yours. You kiss his nose in return and get off of your bed, grabbing new clothes and going to the shower.  
You try to act as normal as you can in the morning. You’re a little nervous, so you don’t eat as much, but you don’t think your dad notices. He pats your head when you’re half way through eating and goes downstairs. Karkat comes out of your room almost on cue. You’re sure he was listening in. He walks over to you, kisses your cheek, and takes the slice of toast on your plate.  
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers. “So are you ready to go?”  
“Now?”  
“Yes now.” He sits down in the chair next to you. “Why not now?”  
“I don’t usually leave for school yet. Wait another ten, maybe fifteen minutes, okay?” He sighs heavily at your response.  
“Really?” He begins drawing small circles on your thigh, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. “What are we going to do? Ten to fifteen minutes? All alone?” You gulp as your skin goose bumps under his finger.  
“Karkat what are you doing? My dad’s downstairs.”  
“He won’t know. Any ideas of what we could do?” He moves his hand a little further north.  
“W-we could kiss.” You choke out, avoiding what you assume he really wants. “If you’d like to.”  
“I’d love that.” He smirks and pulls you across onto his lap, putting a hand to the back of your head and crushing your lips together. You move around as you kiss so you end up straddling his lap. He takes this as an opportunity to move his other hand to your bottom and squeezes it lightly. 

After eight minutes of kissing, body squeezing, and the occasional grind, you slide off Karkat’s lap and head downstairs with your school bag. You tell your dad you’re going to school, to which he wishes you a nice day. You walk out of the front door with your heart in your throat and run around to your back yard. Karkat’s poking his head out of your window, waiting for you. He waves at you when he sees you, and you wave back. You throw your school bag in a bush along the side of your house and motion for Karkat to climb out. He ducks out of the view of the window, then jumps out, wearing one of your dad’s hats.  
“What’re you doing with that?” You laugh.  
“In case anyone sees my horns.” He answers like it’s obvious. “Are you okay to hop on my back? I want us to stay together, and I don’t want to be in the streets.” You nod and jump onto his back. He repositions you and runs toward your fence, jumping onto it, then onto the top of your neighbour’s house. He leaps from roof to roof with exquisite grace.  
“You’re amazing.” You whisper into his ear. You kiss the back of his neck, which makes him lose his balance. The two of you begin falling down the side of someone’s house. Karkat digs his nails into the side and leaves long scratches down half of the building.  
“Thank you, Love,” He says when he’s caught himself. “But please don’t do that, you put me off. And slower your heart beat, it’s making me nervous.”  
“I can’t help it.” You complain, burying your face into his shoulder, taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself from the little shot of adrenaline you got while falling. He grabs your hand and kisses it before continuing along the rooftops.

You get off of Karkat’s back the moment you make it into the forest. He hangs your father’s hat on a tree, swearing he’ll pick it up on the way back, and you grab his hand, something you’ve been dying to do since this morning.  
“Do you think anyone saw us?” He asks, looking back towards town and hurrying off deeper into the forest with you.  
“I didn’t hear any screams, so I think we’re in the clear.”  
“I never heard any screams last time and you all still saw me.”  
“Well we’re on your turf now, so either way it doesn’t matter.”  
“I guess.” He lets go of your hand and drapes his arm around your shoulders. You press yourself against him and wrap your arm around his waist. This is just as good as holding hands, you think, maybe even better, though you’re still not close enough to him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was awake by myself for four hours at my friends house so i pooped this out for you all

You walk for twenty minutes before coming to a clearing in the forest. Karkat makes a show about picking you up over every root sticking up out of the ground, telling you to be careful each time. It probably would get on your nerves if he didn’t kiss you when he put you down again. You begin secretly wishing for more roots.

You and Karkat walk into the clearing with your arms wrapped around each other’s waists. You notice a few trolls bordering the clearing in clumps; probably deep in conversation. Karkat doesn’t seem to mind interrupting, and clears his throat rather loudly. They all look and gather around, congratulating Karkat, which is a little odd to you. A tall one smiles widely and ducks down to you; inspects you.

“Ugh, hello?” You whisper. He grunts at you and lifts you up off the ground by your hair. Both you and Karkat scream. Karkat acts quickly, however, and wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up so he’s holding your weight rather than your hair.  
“Looks delicious.” The troll says.   
“He’s not for you!” Karkat bellows as you wrap your arms around Karkat’s back. “Let him go!”  
“Just a bite.” The troll bargains.   
“You can’t eat him!” Karkat swats at the troll’s hand in your hair. “Put him down! So help me!”  
“Put the human down.” A female with two different horns says. “It is obviously for Karkat and his matesprit.” The tall troll licks up the side of your face, making your stomach drop and a small scared whimper escape your mouth.  
“Scrumptious.” He grins, placing you down. Karkat glares at the troll then runs the end of his sleeve down the side of your face to clean it.  
“He is not an it.” Karkat retaliates. “And no-one is going to be eating him. Is that clear?”  
“Then what is he?” The girl asks. “A pet?”  
“No.” Karkat wraps an arm around your waist and leans his head slightly on yours. You move closer to him and grab a fistful of his shirt. You meant for it to look like a loving gesture, but by the frightened look on your face as you watch the tall troll, you suspect it looks everything but. “He’s my matesprit.” Karkat finishes. All the trolls break out into a menacing chorus of laughter. “Hey!”  
“Well he did always have the tendency to play with his food.” A troll with a ridiculous cape chimes in. Karkat straightens up and glowers at everyone.  
“Fine!” He shouts. “We were just leaving anyway!” He turns around and begins storming away with you.  
“I’ll humour you and say this relationship is real.” The girl troll says as the laughter slows. “But it will not work.”  
“Why’s that?” Karkat asks sarcastically, turning around again. “Because we’re two different species? Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?”  
“I mean because humans are fragile.” She continues. “And you remember what we all had to save you from not two weeks ago, don’t you? Don’t you think if you tried it again and succeeded it’d be crushed?”  
“He.” Karkat corrects. “And I’m not going to try it again.”  
“Try what?” You ask.  
“He doesn’t even know?” The girl troll asks in shock.  
“Know what, Karkat?”  
“It’s nothing, Love.”  
“Come with me, human, I’ll tell you.” Karkat’s grip on you tightens. “You can tell it if you’d rather, Karkat.”  
“He doesn’t need to know. It isn’t important.”  
“I’d like to know.” You say.  
“There, see?” She chimes. “Come sit on this log over here human and I’ll tell you.”  
“Kanaya,” Karkat says as she goes to the log. “No, please.”  
“Karkat hush. Human boy, come over here.” She pats the space on the mossy log next to her. You glance to Karkat and then back to her, shaking your head.  
“I thought you wanted to know.” She says.  
“I do, but he doesn’t want me to.” Karkat sighs heavily and walks over to the log, towing you behind him.   
“You’re lucky I love you.” He sits down and places you in the middle of himself and the girl, Kanaya. The log is cold . . . or wet. You’re not too sure which.  
“How much does it know?” Kanaya asks.  
“He knows nothing.”  
“Okay, well human, you see, we all have different blood colours, and these-”  
“Oh I know about the blood.” You say. “I learned it in school. It ranks you guys or something like that.”  
“Something like that.” Kanaya agrees. “Well, Karkat’s here is a really bright red. He isn’t too fond of it.” You reach over and grab Karkat’s hand. He squeezes yours in return. “He wanted to get rid of it I believe.” She looks over to Karkat for reassurance. He nods and begins telling the story.  
“I would kinda cut myself sometimes, no big deal. So you want to go to-”  
“Sometimes?” A troll with red glasses says as she walks up. “Try always.” Karkat sighs in annoyance. “There were cuts all up his arms. That’s why he wears sleeves. To hide them.” She sits down in the dirt and crosses her legs.  
“But I’ve seen your arms.” You say, a little confused. The girl in the dirt reacts as if you’ve said something naughty.  
“It’s not like that.” Karkat kicks some dirt onto her. “I used the cream to get rid of them, my love.”  
“Then how did people find out?” You ask. “Did you tell them?”  
“No, um, you see the big guy over there?” He points to the crowd of trolls. “The one with the broken horn?” You nod. “He saw them one day.”  
“How?”  
“He was trying to attach a trap to a tree and needed some help. I reached up and my sleeve rolled down just past my wrist and he saw them. He didn’t react strangely. Never did really, even during the big one I think. Did he, Kanaya?”  
“No.” She says. “He just stood there and watched.”  
“Watched what?” You ask.  
“I’m getting to that.” He laughs. “Be patient.” He kisses your cheek and you feel your face heat up.  
“Did you motherfucking hear that?” The tall one asks, joining the other girl in the dirt. The heat automatically leaves your face and you move a little closer to Karkat for protection. He pulls you into his lap and wraps his arms tightly around you. The girl in the dirt seizes the opportunity and sits in the now free space on the log.  
“The chuckle in his words?” Kanaya asks. “I agree, it was quite strange, but continue Karkat.”  
“It was just a laugh, guys.” Karkat answers with a roll of his eyes. “Anyway, he didn’t react strangely, just calmly said: cutting down would be more sufficient.” He traces down the middle of your wrist with a gentle touch of his fingertip. “Or something along those lines.”  
“Down your . . ?”  
“Yes, Love.”  
“But you didn’t.”  
“Ugh, not exactly. That evening, um, well, I tried it.”  
“But it didn’t work.”  
“No it did.” Kanaya says. “He was dying. Nepeta found him first. She came back to get help. He was lying down in the dirt; wrist bright red; ground bright red; wearing the largest smile I’ve ever seen. No-one has been able to match it as of yet.”  
“You were smiling?” You ask.  
“It was the most amazing sensation I’d ever felt.” He answers as if he were talking about something he pours all his passion and love into. “Excluding the first time I kissed you, of course.” You grin and glance over to the trolls sitting on the log, hoping they didn’t hear that, but knowing they did. “To watch the thing you hate most about yourself physically leave,” He continues. “And in such a rush . . . it was beautiful. My wrist felt so heavy, but my body felt so light. Like it could float up. At the time I figured it was, being weighed down only by my wrist.”  
“And me.” The girl sitting in your spot says. “I had the duty of holding his wrist to slow down the blood escaping while the others scrambled around looking for cream.”  
“Yeah she did. I’d say sorry, Terezi, but I’m not. I wanted to die. Glad I didn’t, don’t get me wrong.” He turns to you. “I love you with all my being, believe me, just at the time I wanted to no longer be here, and she wasn’t letting me.”  
“Well excuse me for caring.” Terezi pipes in before you can even open your mouth.  
“You’re excused.” Karkat says. She ducks down and picks up some dirt, throwing it in Karkat’s face. “Don’t.” He says, brushing himself off. “You’re going to get John, and he’s already scared enough as it is because of this asshole.” He kicks the tall one’s knee.  
“John?” Terezi asks. “That’s an ugly name, eiw.”  
“Sorry.” You mumble.  
“Don’t be.” Karkat says. “Her opinions don’t matter, anyway. I think it’s a beautiful name for a beautiful human.”  
“You are a beautiful human.” Another troll says. This one is wearing a blue kitty cat hat. You’ve already decided you like this one.  
“Thank you.” You smile. “You’re a beautiful troll.”  
“Thank you, human.” She curls up in the dirt and rests her head in the tall one’s lap. “What are they talking to you about?”  
“Karkat’s attempted suicide.”  
“Oh. I don’t like that story.”  
“I don’t like it very much either.” You admit.  
“We’ll stop then.” Kanaya says. “How about we talk about something more cheery?”  
“Like how you two met!” The cat troll beams.   
“We met on my last human run.” Karkat answers in a very curt manner.  
“Human run?” You ask.  
“Oh. Ugh. Yeah. Every now and then if we can’t manage to gather enough food, one of us will go into town and lure out as many humans as they can so we can hunt them.” He attempts a smile at you, but all you’re concerned with is what if that’s what happened to your mother? What if that’s why your father was so frightened to learn you went into the forest?  
“We haven’t been low on food recently.” Terezi says, which makes Karkat sigh.  
“Okay, Equius suggested that if I still wanted to kill myself, I might as well do in it a way that would benefit you guys.”  
“Who’s that?” You ask.  
“The guy with the broken horn.”  
“Oh. I don’t like him.”  
“But Equius was only trying to help!” The cat troll explains.  
“By killing me, though, Nepeta. That’s not exactly everyone’s defini-” You cover Karkat’s mouth to shut him up.  
“It’s funny how we went straight back to the topic of you dying.” You say. He grabs your wrist and removes you from his mouth.  
“Sorry, Love. So anyway, Nepeta, I did that; they blinded me; John fell; I saved him; he saved me; and I love him.”  
“But you don’t eat him?” The tall one asks.  
“No, Gamzee, I kiss him.”  
“He’s a human though, bro.”  
“I know. I don’t care.”  
“He’s food.”  
“. . . I think we’re going to go before I end up frying his brain and he’s rendered even more useless. If that’s even possible.”   
“But you only just got here.” Nepeta complains.  
“I said I was going to show you who I was spending my time with. I didn’t even say anything about talking to him. You’re being greedy, Nepeta.”  
“Food can’t love you back.” Gamzee says.  
“Conscious food can.” Karkat answers, his voice lined with anger.  
“Nepeta is right.” Kanaya says. “You should stay a little longer.”  
“Fine.” Karkat whines. “We’ll stay.”

By ‘stay’, Karkat meant ‘go up into the trees where there’s twelve lines of hammocks made out of twigs and leaves’. The hammocks only fit one person, so you end up lying on top of Karkat in his hammock for half an hour.  
He purses his lips at you while the two of you share a comfortable silence. You duck down and touch your lips to his, saying “mwah” when you pull away. He purses his lips again and you do the same thing. After the fourth “mwah”, he joins in. You laugh and duck down for a sixth time, only when you do, Karkat attempts to roll the two of you over, and the hammock snaps in half.

Karkat clutches onto you with one hand and digs his nails into the trunk of the tree with the other. You scream until you’ve stopped falling, which doesn’t take long. Karkat heaves you up onto a nearby branch before climbing up himself. He perches next to you and lightly bumps your shoulders with his.   
“It’s dangerous being around you.” You say, placing a hand over your heart to try to slow it down.  
“Only dangerous when you kiss me, Love.” He answers unconsciously, looking up and inspecting his broken hammock.  
“Should I stop kissing you then?” This captures his attention. He looks back at you with a smirk, and places a hand on your jaw, closing the distance between the two of you.  
“Don’t you dare.” He says, a moment before your lips meet. You grip the branch for support and kiss back. “Should we go somewhere where we both have balance?” He suggests, lips grazing yours as he speaks.  
“God yes.” You answer, pulling away. You know he only left his lips by yours so you’d be overwhelmed and not want to leave. You’ve noticed when he’s in a mood to be physical he’ll do cheap little tricks like that. You think it’s cute.  
“Okay, Love. I know another little clearing; would you like to go there?”  
“If you’d like to.” You answer.  
“So that’s a no. Would you like to go home, then?”  
“No, my dad’s there and he thinks I’m at school. That little clearing sounds lovely. If not a bit cliché.”  
“We don’t have to.”  
“No we will. I have to stay out until school’s over anyway.” You kiss his forehead. “Let’s go handsome.”

When you make it to the little clearing (emphasis on little. This thing is puny! It’s tinier than your bedroom!) Equius and the one with the cape are here. They look to you both and stop talking.  
“Hey.” Karkat says. “What are you guys doing here?” The two look at each other for a moment.  
“Humans are food, Kar,” The one with the cape says. “And they know it.”  
“Oh, eat a fish dick, Eridan!” Karkat snaps. “I fucking know humans are food! I still think that! Every human alive is food, except, for, John. I fucking know, okay?”  
“I’m only worried, jeez.”  
“He wishes to die.” Equius says. “Going into town will do no harm.”  
“Wait, you told me to meet them here so he can die?”  
“Yes. Was there some miscommunication?”   
“I thought you were against him being with humans because it is a risk to his life.”  
“On the contrary, I-”  
“Ladies, ladies, please.” Karkat says. “I don’t want to die anymore. I’m in love with this human, for the thousandth god damned fucking time today, and I am willing to risk my life to see him day after day. I’m not, for the record, but I’d be willing to.”  
“Are you sure you’re not?” Equius asks.  
“Positive. Humans aren’t that hard to avoid.”  
“I know. That’s not what I’m talking about.” Eridan quickly jabs his elbow into Equius’ side. You give them a strange look and wonder what it is they’re keeping between one another.  
“Losers.” Karkat mumbles under his breath, walking away with you.

You end up at the hole you first met each other. Karkat thinks it will be romantic, though you think it is anything but. A dingy old, too-small hole that is home to god knows how many breeds of spiders does not sound romantic to you. You assume there isn’t a high enough number in the world to accurately express the number of missed neural connections that happened in Karkat’s brain for him to come to this conclusion.  
“It’s kinda cramped in there.” You say.  
“Yeah but it’s where we first met. It means a lot, come on, just for a little while.” He climbs in and opens his arms for you. You sigh and crawl in with him. You sit in between his legs, leaning back on his chest. It’s an alright hole, you guess, if you’re not really leaning on any of the sap or spider guts, whichever it actually is. Karkat wraps his arms around you and grabs your hands. You snuggle into him and close your eyes, kissing the wrist he cut those few weeks back, once you ask which one it was, of course.  
“So this is kind of nice.” You admit, placing his hand down in your lap. “Could use some heated bubbly water, but besides that-”  
“You want to swim?” He asks in a cheery tone that suggests that’s what he wants to do. You glance up at him and smile.  
“Sure, let’s go.” You say. He lets go of your hands and pushes you up. You dust off your bottom and hold your hand out for him to grab. He grabs your fingers and crouches on one knee. “Oh my god.” You breathe as he kisses your knuckles. “You’re so lame.” He winks at you and stands up.  
“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.” He presses his lips hard against yours. You get onto your tippy toes and wrap your arms around his waist. You notice there’s dirt on it, so you dust it off. He chuckles into the kiss and swats your bottom.  
“Oh!” You gasp, pulling away.  
“You started it.” He grins.


	14. Chapter 14

You come home roughly half an hour later than you usually do (you had to wait for your clothes to dry). Karkat drops you off in your back yard and leaves again. He wishes to fix his hammock while it’s still light. You search through the bush by your house and pull out your school bag, quickly shoving your lunch down your throat.  
“You’re a little late, Sport.” Your dad says when you walk in. The shop is empty.  
“Ugh, yeah, I was talking with Dave.”  
“Okay, well go get changed for work.”  
“Yep. Be down in a bit.”  
“Thanks, son.”

When you come back down your father is sitting at a table, with many different samples of cake for the couple getting married. You slide behind the counter and watch them. Each one prefers a different flavour and they’re bickering about it.   
“Afternoon.” Someone says, drawing you away from the taste testing. You look up to find Bro.  
“Oh, hey.”  
“How long have you been working?”  
“About ten minutes maybe.”  
“Your old man shouldn’t have you working while you’re sick.”  
“I’m not sick.” You laugh.  
“Interesting. Stay here, please.” He walks away from the counter to the couple discussing cakes. He grabs your father’s arm and walks him over to you. “Could you tell me please, Mr. Egbert, where exactly has your son been all day?”  
“He’s been at school.” Your dad answers with confidence. “Now if you excuse me.” He turns to leave.  
“Has he now? Hmm.” Bro grabs your dad and pulls him back to the counter. “Because Dave came home today and asked if I knew if John had hurt himself again.” You sigh heavily and hide your face in your arms on the counter. “Now why, Egbert, would he ask that if John was at school?” The two go silent, the only noise being the couple. You assume Bro and your father are staring at you.  
“John?” Your father finally asks. You glance up at him with a nervous smile. “Didn’t you go to school?”  
“I, um,” You stand up straight and run a hand through your hair, buying time to come up with a reason. “No I didn’t, actually. But I have a good reason.”  
“That thing is not a good reason.” Bro spits.  
“What thing?” Your dad asks in the most caring tone.  
“Dad, I have a confession to make.” You suck in a dramatic breath while your brain runs wild looking for something to say. “I have depression and Bro doesn’t think it’s a thing.”  
“What!” Bro yells, making the couple stop their chatter and look over.  
“Dirk, depression is a very serious manner and I would appreciate it if you don’t tell my son otherwise.” Your dad leans across the counter and pulls you into a hug. You hug back and flip Bro off. He grabs your finger and bends it back a little.  
“Daddy come with me,” Bro says, letting go of your finger and grabbing the back of your dad’s shirt. “I’ve got a little someone to show you.”   
“Bro no!” You yell, running to grab his elbow. He shakes you off and pushes your father up the stairs. You turn to the couple and excuse your father for leaving before running up the stairs to find the two in your doorway.  
“Dirk what-”  
“Where is he?” Bro snaps, grabbing the collar of your shirt and pulling you up to him.  
“I told you because I trusted you.” You whisper. “I thought you’d understand. I didn’t think you’d hate me.”  
“Were you with him today?” He asks through clenched teeth.  
“No.”  
“Are you lying to me?”  
“I’m not, Bro.” He sighs and puts you down.  
“I don’t hate you, Kiddo. Do you still talk to him?” You shake your head. “At all? He hasn’t tried to contact you?”  
“Who, may I ask?” You dad chimes in. Bro wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses the sides of your faces together.  
“No-one. Johnny boy and I were just pulling a little prank on you. You fell for it.” He begins laughing. It’s a beautiful thing to hear, you think. He nudges you a little, and you join in with the laughing. Your father rolls his eyes.  
“So you’re not depressed, son?” You shake his head. “Okay. You’re grounded.” He sidesteps around you and Bro and heads down the stairs again. You gape at him as he leaves your sight.  
“Well you did skip school, Champ.”  
“He doesn’t know that.”  
“Were you with the troll?” You glance at him and try walking away. He tightens his grip on you. “Okay, we have to have a little chat.” He drags you over to the couch and sits you down.  
“I’ve got to work.” You say, getting up. He grabs your hand and pulls you back down.  
“I won’t hesitate to sit on you.” He threatens. “Why did you lie to me?” You stare at your shoes. “John. Why did you lie to me?”  
“It’s what you wanted to hear.” You mumble to your feet.  
“What?” He asks in a demanding voice, lifting your face to look at him. You swat his hand away and continue looking at your shoes.  
“I only wanted to make you proud of me.”  
“Proud?” He asks with a sigh. “Oh lord I knew that wouldn’t end well. I’m telling your dad to stop saying he’s proud of you.” You glance up at him then back to your feet, which you kick into the floor. “I’m not proud of you, John. I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed beyond belief. He’s going to kill you.”  
“But he saved me today. His friend wanted to eat me but he fought for me.”  
“His friend?”  
“Yeah.” You nod to the ground. “I went to go see his friends today. He has a lot and-”  
“Oh John.” He sighs in a disappointment that makes your stomach twist. “Go to your room.”  
“W-what?” You look up to him to see if he is serious. Of course you can’t tell. You don’t know why you thought you would be able to.  
“I’m telling your father.”  
“You can’t!” You yell, grabbing his arm. “Please Bro! I trusted you!”  
“I’m not letting this continue. I am the adult and you’re the child. You’re going to do as I say, and I say to stop seeing him.”  
“No!” You yell. “I don’t care what you say I’m going to keep seeing him!” He points in the general direction of your room. “You can’t tell me what to do!” He stands up and shakes you loose from his arm. You feel your eyes begin to tear up. “Please.” You whisper as he walks to the stairs. “Bro please don’t do this to me I thought you loved me.”  
“Don’t even try that.” He snaps. “I love you and this is why I’m doing this.”   
“You don’t!”  
“I do. And even if I didn’t, I’d still love you more than that thing ever could.”  
“He does love me!” You yell, running to the stairs to tug on his shirt in hopes of keeping him upstairs. “He feels more than you do! He can feel joy and sadness! He’s even attempted suicide a few times he’s felt so much emotion!”  
“Maybe he should have done more than attempt.” You gape at him for a moment then bring your hand up and across his face. He slaps you back, two times as hard. “Go to your room.” He turns away from you and continues down the stairs. You follow. “Hey Egbert.” He calls.  
“Dirk please.” You father mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t have time-”  
“Daddy!” You cry, pushing past Bro and running to your father with your arms open. He glances to Bro then to you.  
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his tone thick with worry. He gets out of his chair and hugs you tightly. “What’s on your face?” He grabs your chin and takes your face out of his chest. “Are those fingers?”  
“I think he’s drunk.” You say, trying to put on your best about-to-cry voice. “He keeps going on about how I’m in love with a troll. Daddy it reminds me of how one almost killed me, I don’t like it, make him stop.”  
“Did you hit my son?” He asks, burying your head into his chest again.  
“He hit me first!” Bro yells in return.  
“Did you hit my son?”  
“He’s seeing a troll!”  
“You need to get out.” You move your head so you can look at Bro. You stick your tongue out at him. “I don’t want you seeing my son anymore. You will only come over to drop David off.”  
“I don’t want to see him anyway. Don’t be expecting Dave, Egbert, I’m not going to be letting him over if your boy is still fraternizing with a troll.”  
“Dirk! Do not speak of t-r-o-l-l-s in front of my son!”  
“He can spell! And he’s lying to you! Sit in his room and I guarantee you that that thing will show up.”  
“Dirk go home. I have work, and so does John.”  
“Don’t keep him in his room.” Bro says, walking backward to the door. “Keep him grounded in the kitchen, otherwise he’ll be able to see his troll.”  
“It so happens that I’ve just now decided he’s no longer grounded.” Your father retaliates. Bro huffs and walks out of the store. You’ve never seen him throw a fit before. You wonder if it’s because he really is worried about you. It’s not like he really has anything to worry about! You know Karkat would never hurt you. At least not purposefully.   
A few times at night when he’s asleep and you shift your weight, he’ll groan and grab at you, to stop you from moving you presume. He’s ended up cutting you a few times like that; mindlessly bringing his arms forward and jabbing you. You don’t think he’s ever noticed, and you don’t plan on telling him.  
Your father lets go of you and tells you to go back to work and not worry about Bro bugging you anymore. The woman of the couple suggests calling the police to report child abuse. Thankfully your father agrees with you to not get the police involved. She shrugs and goes back to discussing cake, eventually getting her way.  
You have to deal with the after school rush by yourself. Your father takes the couple upstairs to pick out a final design.  
The shop gets most busy the hour after school. The older kids wander around with loose change and an empty stomach, and the younger kids end up with “rewards”. You’ve once heard a mother say her daughter was getting a cupcake for not losing her show-and-tell. The things some of these families can piss their money away on for no reason.  
The hour’s great for money, but rather unfortunate for you, what with the hand mark on your face. You know it’s still there because people’s eyes keep drifting to your cheek. If it’s still there when you close the shop (you plan on shooing everyone out at five o’clock and closing down early. You’re just too tired be energetic till six) you’ll run upstairs and put the cream on before climbing into bed.

When five comes around, you’re half way through baking someone’s batch of cupcakes. You turn the open sign on the door to ‘closed’ (to not let anyone else come in), and sit in an awkward silence while they’re cooking. You quickly put the icing on, probably a little too early, and hand them over to the woman. She pays and leaves. You breathe a sigh of relief before realizing you can’t go upstairs otherwise your father will find out you stopped early. You really wish you thought plans through. You end up just sitting on the floor in the back by the ovens.  
You don’t sleep. You don’t do much of anything. You lay down across the floor twirling your hair and thinking. You wonder if Karkat is having trouble with his hammock. What if he gave up on that and is waiting for you in your bedroom? What if Bro had actually spotted him in there? What if you and Bro never talk again? No, that’s silly. You know it’s fine. You’ll see him tomorrow and nothing will be askew.  
“Tuckered out, Love?” Karkat asks, placing your father’s hat on your face and drawing you out of your thoughts. When did he even get here? “I’m kind of hungry, can I just help myself?”  
“Yeah sure.” You answer into the hat. “There’s a box of blueberry muffins with icing sugar on the counter. It says ‘special’ on the box. You can just eat all of those. Some man ordered them then when I made them he had left.” You slip the hat from your face to the back of your head, sitting up and leaning on the oven. “What are you doing here, by the way?”  
“Do you not want me here?” He holds out the box and cocks his head, silently asking if he picked up the correct box.  
“Yeah those ones.” You say. “I just meant isn’t my dad upstairs?” He nods and opens the box. “How’d you get past him?”  
“I just kinda did. Humans aren’t that hard to hide from.” He brings the muffin up to his nose and sniffs it. The icing sugar slides up his nose, making him snort and drop the muffin. “What the hell!”  
“Don’t breathe it in.” You laugh, holding out your arms for him. “Come here, it’s all over your face.” He wipes his hands down his face before squatting down next to you. You bring your own hand up and brush the icing sugar off his face.  
“It would be more efficient if you licked it off.” He smirks. You glance up at him and chuckle to yourself.  
“Just eat your food.” You take your hands away from his face as he sits next to you. He opens the box with and grabs out another muffin. “Don’t eat the paper.” You warn, unsure if he would just shove the whole thing in his mouth.  
“What paper?” He looks the muffin over.  
“There’s just always paper on it.” You shrug at him.  
“Take it off?” He asks, holding the muffin out for you. “I’ll pay you in kisses.”  
“Well how could I say no?” You grab the muffin from him and begin peeling the paper. He clears his throat so you turn to look at him. You do.  
He brings his hands up and places them on either side of your face. You pause half way through peeling the paper and all but melt into him as he presses his lips hard against yours. Your shoulders relax and the breath escapes your lungs through your nose long and slow. He pulls away, taps to yours a couple times, and grabs a new muffin.  
“I want this one done too.” He whispers, lifting up your hand and placing it in your palm, never breaking eye contact. You feel your stomach dip in. You can’t tell if you’re more nervous, or excited.  
“I want half the payment now.” You whisper back. “Half when it’s done.”   
“Heh. That was very clever.” He grins, getting up onto his knees. “I think you deserve a pay rise.” His voice has gotten deeper; more gravely. Or are you just paying more attention now? His eyelids must have become heavier, as well. They’re halfway over his eyes and even when he blinks, they return to being half closed.  
He slips his hand behind you, to rest in the small of your back. He lifts you up and lays you across the floor. Soft lips come down delicately on yours. Your shirt rides up on the side as he slides his hand up your body. His skin is warm; much warmer than your own. You pull away from the kiss a little. He continues to kiss along your jaw.  
“I don’t think this is the best place.” You whisper like a loser.   
“John I want you so badly.” He breathes in your ear, causing your skin to prickle with goose bumps.  
“But-”  
“Shh.” He presses a finger to your lips and kisses down your torso. His bottom is in the air as he ducks down to you, getting closer and closer to the ovens. You’d laugh if you weren’t so frozen.   
His little bottom bumps into the oven when he reaches your navel. The metal creaks with the pressure inward. It must spook him. He scoops you up in his arms and leaps onto the adjacent counter. He crouches protectively over you and hisses at the oven. You roll your eyes.  
“Open your mouth, please.” You say. He looks at you, wearing a confused look, but does it anyway. You shove one of the muffins you are holding into his mouth and slither off the counter, leaving the other muffin behind. He grabs the muffin in his mouth and bites down on it. “It was just the oven when you bumped into it.” You explain. He holds up a finger at you, telling you to wait for his response as he finishes chewing.  
“Let’s go to your room then,” He says. “So I don’t bump into things.”  
“We can’t. My dad will see us. Can’t we just sit? How’d you go with fixing your hammock?”  
“Can’t we just kiss?” He asks, getting off the counter. He smirks as he walks up to you. “Please?”  
“I thought you were hungry.”  
“You taste better.” You smile and lift your hand out to him. He grabs it and pulls you harshly into him, dipping you down as your lips move in sync with one another’s.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting a new one every Saturday, starting from a few weeks back. Thought it might help me actually post more often if I had a deadline. But clearly it didn't work. I'm just going to chuck what I have here since it's already so late and scurry off.

Your father comes downstairs with the couple at about a quarter after six. You crane your neck to try to see over the counter, lightly shaking Karkat’s shoulder. He fell asleep with his head in your lap about five minutes ago when you were playing with his hair.  
“Karkat.” You whisper. His face scrunches up and he shifts his weight. “Wake up.” You shake his shoulder again.  
“Stop.” He groans.  
“My dad’s here, we can’t be together.”  
“But I love you.”  
“I mean he can’t see you. You have to go.” You shove him off of your lap. He sits up and lifts his arms in the air as he stretches. You quickly grab them and put them down to his sides. “He can see you.” You repeat. Karkat rolls his eyes and leans in to kiss you.  
“I’m going to shove you around tonight in your sleep.” He grins.  
“I’m not going to have a tonight if he sees you.” You tap your lips to his and move out from behind the counter. You go and stand next to your father, seeing the couple off. He turns to you when they leave the shop.  
“Why did he hit you?”  
“I hit him first.” You answer nonchalantly with a shrug.  
“Come on.” He says, turning around. “We’re going to have a chat about it.” You sigh heavily and follow him upstairs. 

You make sure that when you’re both sitting you’re the one facing the stairs, which is wise. Karkat is hesitant in coming up the stairs, and isn’t trying too hard to not be seen. He crawls up them slowly and calmly strolls into your room.  
“What was it he was saying about trolls?” Your dad asks.  
“He just-”  
“John, no fibbing.”  
“I wasn’t going to fib. He had said that they should die.”  
“Now, John, I know that’s a fib. Why did you hit him?”  
“Because he made fun of my-” You clamp your mouth shut and stare at your father. You’re sure your eyes have popped out of your skull. It’s only a matter of time before he stops returning your look and asks you to continue. “Dad I have to tell you something.” You mumble. His look turns into a concerned one. You bring your legs up to hug. Your chest has never felt so heavy and hot. Your lungs have never been so stiff. “I um, I have a crush on someone.” You glance up to him for a second. “Some, ugh, some guy.”  
“A male?” He asks in disbelief, though you were half expecting for him to already know. “What about Rose? Don’t you like her?” You shake your head. “But it would be so cute since I’m with Miss Lalonde.”  
“Sorry.” You answer with a shrug. His lips pull to the sides for a moment before he gets out his pipe and lights it up. “Am I still allowed to live here?” You whisper after a short silence.  
“What?” He chokes out, coughing smoke out harshly. He waves his hand in the air to get rid of it. “What did you just say?” He asks when he catches his breath.  
“If you want me to leave I can find somewhere else, it’s no big deal.”  
“Why would I want you to leave?”  
“Because I’m gay and you don’t want me to be.”  
“Oh John.” He says, putting the pipe in his mouth and pulling you into a hug. He takes it out again to talk. “There is nothing you can do that will make me not love you. Especially not something as trivial as your sexuality. You are who you are and I’ll always accept that, okay? You can grow up to be a murderer and I’ll still love you.”  
“Okay.” You nod. “I love you too, no matter what you do.”  
“Thank you, son.” He chuckles. “Now about you and Dirk.” He pulls away from the hug to look you in the eye. “I think we should all go out. I don’t want a silly fight to get in the way of your friendship with David. How about the four of us go fishing?”  
“Fishing?” You ask. You’re not sure if he even knows how to fish. Either of the three. You sure as hell don’t know how to use a fishing rod. “Do we even own the equipment?”  
“Of course we do. Your mother and I bought them. Now we’ll be waking up bright and early so we have a chance to get over to their house before any of them leave. I want you to go to bed early tonight.” You nod again. “Go get changed. We’ll go out for dinner tonight.” He kisses your forehead then leaves to his bedroom.  
It’s weird, you think. You figured things would be different once you told him. Awkward even. You never imagined you’d just hop back into real life without a second thought. It seems wrong. You’re 99% sure that’s not the way it’s meant to go. Not that you’re complaining, you’re happy he accepts you.   
You get up off the couch still a little surprised, and walk into your room. Karkat isn’t in there, but he wrote a note on your notepad and placed it on your bed. You pick it up and grin at his hand writing.   
Jon, he writes in the most beautiful way. I’m going to go home for tonight. I want to see if I can sleep without my “bed” breaking underneath me. I really hope it doesn’t because I probably won’t notice until I hit the ground. I’ll be back tomorrow if I don’t break my back. I love you and I’m going to miss you so terribly. Karkat.  
You fold the letter up and hide it away in your drawer. While you’re in there, you fish out some new clothes to wear. You wear something semi-formal because you’re not sure where exactly you’re going. You assume somewhere inexpensive, but you don’t want to under dress. Which you don’t in any definition of the phrase.  
Your father takes you out to a bench in a park. He hand makes you a sandwich here. It’s a pretty good sandwich though, so, again, you don’t complain. There’s a nice breeze which pushes your hair but doesn’t pick up dirt and throw it in your face. It’s a cheap dinner, but it’s the best you’ve had in years, you think.  
“Who’s the boy?” Your father asks as he goes to take a bite of his sandwich. “Is it David?”  
“No.” You answer coolly. “You don’t know him, but trust me, he’s nice. Much nicer than Dave. Much more polite than Rose. He’s perfection.”  
“Is he your boyfriend?”  
“No.” You answer, knowing ‘yes’ would make your dad want to meet him. “It’s just a crush.”  
“Does he know you like him?” He asks. This was the kind of reaction you were expecting. A lot of awkward questions trying to be normal. You shrug as an answer. “Why don’t you tell him?” You shrug again. “Is he in your class?” You shake your head without thinking about it. “So he’s older than you?”  
“Can we please just eat?”  
“How much older?”  
“I don’t know.” You mumble.  
“Is it Dirk?”  
“What? Oh, god, dad, please. No. It’s not. They’re my age, don’t worry. And even if it were Bro, it’s not like it would matter. He hates me now.”  
“Oh, son.” He soothes, placing his hand across the table in the space in front of you. You take a hand away from your sandwich and place it on top of his. “He doesn’t hate you. He was just a little upset that you hit him is all. I would have been too.”   
“I don’t know, dad, he-”  
“Trust me when I say it’s nothing.” He interrupts. “You’ll drive yourself insane over this.” He takes his hand out from under yours. “Eat your dinner. We’ll take a walk once you’re done.”

And of course, he quite literally meant once you’re done. You’re not sure why you were expecting anything else. The moment you put the last of the sandwich in your mouth he stands up. He hasn’t even finished his, just throws it out and lights up his pipe. You guess he was still craving it from before when you made him cough on it. He catches you watching him and offers you a puff. He figures you’ve had enough second hand smoke that a few first hands won’t matter. You politely decline. You don’t have any interest in actually smoking out of a pipe. Especially in public where kids from school can see you.  
Your walk lasts for half an hour, maybe forty minutes. You’re not too sure. It was long; you can say that with confidence. Your dad talks a lot about the couple getting married, then your opinion if he wanted to marry Roxy, but he reassures you that it’s purely hypothetical. You believe him. There’s no reason not to.   
At home you sit on the couch with him. He begins reading a novel to you. Some sort of romance. You’re not sure why he wants to spend so much time with you. Maybe he’s following Bro’s advice and trying his best to keep you out of your room. Doesn’t really matter to you, you’re kind of enjoying the attention.  
You sit at opposite sides of the couch until your first yawn. He asks if the story is boring you. You tell him it’s not; you’ve just had a long day. He sympathises and encourages you to lean on him. This is where you are when you end up falling asleep and end up waking up. You’re both sprawled across the couch in the morning, the book on the floor.  
“Dad.” You say. You wait a moment but he doesn’t wake up. “Dad.” You say a little louder. He still doesn’t wake up. You decide to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water to dip his fingers in. That ought to wake him up, if not make him wet his pants.  
“Nice try.” He says when you grab his wrist to lower his fingers in. He grabs the glass from you and pours it over your head. “Go get dressed. We’ve slept in.”  
“I need a shower first.” You say, brushing wet strands of hair out of your face.  
“No you don’t,” He gives the glass back to you. “That was your shower, just go get dressed, son.”

You place the glass on the kitchen table and disappear into your room. You throw on the loosest clothes you can find so you’ll be comfortable sitting for endless hours, and pull out your notepad.  
Karkat, you write. I’m being dragged outside today to go fishing. We only decided it last night after you left. I don’t know what time I’ll be back. If you’re hungry you can grab something from the kitchen. Just this one here, not the one downstairs. I already miss you more than anything. I’ll see what I can do to come back early. John. (It has a silent h in it, by the way. That’s okay though, I always thought your name was with c’s not k’s).  
You place the note on your pillow where you found his, and leave your room. Your dad walks out of his own bedroom with two rods, a tin box, and the novel he was reading you last night. He shoves the box in your arms and continues down the hall to the stairs. You mindlessly follow.  
“We’re going to have to walk to their house.” He says. “I don’t want to have the horses wandering into the forest while following the grass.”  
“Then at least feed them first.” You say. “You know they’d love grass, they’re going to be upset if they don’t get a treat.”  
“We’ll pick some grass for them when we’re there, okay? That’s a better treat than anything we have on hand.” 

Another long walk later you make it to the Strider residence. Your father knocks on the door twice and takes a step back. He smiles down at you and tells you he loves you. You tell him you love him too. He grins and glances at his watch.  
“What do you want?” Bro asks, rubbing his eye and leaning on the door.  
“We’re going fishing.” Your father announces.   
“Um,” Bro glances over to you then back to your father. “No. No we’re not.” He slips back inside and shuts the door. A hot painful sensation rises in your stomach.  
“Told you.” You say, pretending it didn’t bother you. Your father glances to you with sympathy and takes a step forward to knock again.  
“We’re not going into the forest with the troll whisperer here.” Bro says calmly when he pokes his head out. He must have been waiting behind the door.  
“Dirk you and I need to talk.” Your father says sternly. Bro sighs and opens the door wide, stepping out of the way.  
“But I was serious about him not seeing Dave. He’s going to have to wait in the kitchen or something.”  
“Fine.” Your father agrees, stepping into the house. You stay motionless on their front porch.   
“Are you still seeing him?” Bro asks. You nod. He sighs and closes the door. Your face heats up and you feel like you’re going to puke. You can’t believe he’s acting like this over something so small.  
“Dirk!” You hear your father shout from inside. “Let him in! Now!” The door opens and you’re sure you’ve just missed hearing a sigh come out of Bro.  
“Don’t talk to Dave.” He says, stepping out of the doorway. You slowly walk in and stand next to him.  
“Where do I go then?”  
“Son go wake David up please.” Your father grabs your shoulder and leads you out of the doorway, stopping you at Dave’s. “Dirk, come with me.”   
“John go sit on the couch.” Bro says as he follows your dad into the kitchen. “Don’t wake Dave up. Let him sleep.” You nod and scurry off to sit on the couch in silence. Well, you’re silent.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Your dad shouts when Bro walks into the kitchen. You hold your breath for a moment at his tone. You suppose it’s an automatic reaction to hearing your father’s voice raised. You don’t hear him say ‘fuck’ all that often. It makes you uncomfortable. Thankfully that’s the only line of the conversation that is loud enough for you to hear, though you probably would have liked-  
“What’s with your dad?” Dave asks as he sits down next to you. “Did he catch Bro with his girlfriend?”  
“Bro doesn’t want me to see you anymore.” You shrug, awkwardly drumming your fingers on the tin box. “I don’t know why my dad is angry though, it doesn’t affect him.”  
“Fuck Bro.” Dave says. “We’re always going to see each other. Nobody can make us not be friends, dude. Calm the fuck down. No, in fact, go in there and calm your damned father the fuck down.”  
“I’m not going in there.” You blurt out.  
“Yes you are.” He chuckles. He stands up and moves the box out of your lap. “Just walk in. That’ll be enough.” He grabs your hands and pulls you up off of the couch. You really don’t want to do this. You really can’t do this. You can’t be in the same room as them together when they’re talking about you. He shoves you in.  
“Hey.” You whisper.  
“Look, how about I talk to the kid?” Bro asks your father. “Will that satisfy you?” Your dad motions for him to go ahead. “C’mere, John.” Bro pats the space on the counter next to him. “Daddy dearest would like us to clear some things up.” You glance to your father standing at the other end of the kitchen.  
“Only if you want to, son.” He replies.   
“Could you step out?” You whisper. He looks hesitantly to Bro for a moment and shakes his head. “Please dad. We’ll talk more if we’re alone.” He raises a brow at you. “Please.” You beg. He shoots you another sympathetic look and leaves the room.  
“You understand why I’m doing this, don’t you?” Bro asks before you even get seated. You nod. “Why am I doing it?” He places his hand on your knee. You really hate it when people treat you like you’re stupid and need help.  
“Because you hate me.” You answer bluntly.  
“No, that’s not-”  
“Because you don’t want me to be happy.” You continue. “Because you don’t trust my judgement; Because you’re being biased; Because you think I’m too young to know what love is; Because you think I’ll get over him in an hour; Because he used self defence; Because you want me to be with Dave; Because it’s bestiality; Because you can; Because you’re an adult.”  
“John, no. I’m doing it to save you.”  
“Yes. Because he used self defence and you’re being biased. You think he’s a threat because that’s how we’re meant to see trolls. I know why, Bro.”  
“You don’t. I’m doing it because I love you and I love Dave. Look, who’s more important, Dave, or this troll?”  
“I’m not answering that.”  
“Okay. Well then just listen. If you choose Dave then you leave the troll and there is zero percent chance of him killing you. If you choose the troll then I’m going to have to assume he doesn’t love you back and-” You turn your head to glare at him. He ignores you and keeps talking. “He’s only using you to get information on humans. Maybe you appeared weak that day in the forest, I don’t know. Maybe they’re tracking things you do. If they see you with Dave, they’ll come after him. I’m not going to let any trolls come after Dave just because you think you’re in love with one.”  
“I don’t think I am.” You spit. “I know I am.”  
“Okay, sorry, correction: I’m not going to let any trolls kill my Dave because you love one and they need to start somewhere.”  
“They’re not going to kill anyone.”  
“For the love of god, John, get off your pedestal for one minute and look at things from my point of view and stop being so stubborn.”  
“I am, Bro. If you fell in love with a troll I wouldn’t hate you for it so why do you hate me for it? I can’t help who the fuck I fall in love with, please.”  
“Where are you getting this hate idea from?” He asks. “John I love you. I’m actually really jealous of your father because I’d kind of rather have you than Dave. You’re so much cooler.”  
“You don’t mean that.”  
“Shh, just hug it out.” He pulls you onto his lap and hugs you tightly. You loosely return in. “Don’t you ever think I hate you, okay? Disappointed in you, sure, but never hate. Never hate.”  
“Do I still have to pick one or the other?” You mumble into his shoulder.  
“Yes. And may I remind you of a little saying that goes as follows,” He clears his throat like he’s going to say a very important speech. “Bros before hoes.” You giggle.  
“Well going by that I’ll have to say Dave-”  
“Good then you’re breaking up with the troll.” He picks you up off his lap and places your feet on the floor. “Glad we got that settled. Let’s go fish.”  
“Wait, what, no.” You stammer. “I can’t break up with him.”  
“Sure you can.” He says very cheerfully, sliding off the counter. “Let’s go.”

The four of you sit on the side of the river, far enough into the forest that ‘city noise won’t scare away the fish’, but close enough that you won’t encounter trolls, according to your father. Your dad also has to set up and cast out both your rod and Dave’s. The four of you sit in the order of, Dave, you, Bro, your father, again, with your father’s help. It took a lot of obvious planning. He rearranged you all time and time again until he just ended up stating that you have to be in the middle of the Striders and none of them are allowed to move from where he placed them, like they were doing before.  
Twenty minutes in Dave’s decided to lie down to sleep, and you’ve decided to continue reading the novel your father had started last night. It’s been very silent the whole time. The only thing to break the silence is Dave announcing ‘done’ when he lies down, and Bro telling him to ‘get your lazy ass up’. Though, if you’re being honest, other things may have been said. You have the tendency to block out outside noise when you’re engrossed in you reading.  
The novel isn’t even that well written you notice. You’re just interested because the leading man reminds you of Karkat, and, well, you’re kind of imagining the two characters are you and he. You’re currently in the middle of a steamy little encounter between the two of you where Karkat seems to have quite the fixation with your luscious lady lumps. Your face becomes really hot. You hope it isn’t turning too red, but you know by the way Bro bumps his knee into yours it is.  
You read for two hours in more silence. Dave is asleep with Bro’s jacket over him. Your father and Bro talk a little, but they whisper, so you don’t really count that as noise. You only noticed when the wind made you lose your page and you had to take time to find it again. It wasn’t loud enough to draw you out of the story. Much unlike the whistling coming from behind you all.  
The three of you share a look; silently asking who that could be walking through the forest in such a good mood. Your father decides to whistle back. The person stops for a moment then whistles back, going up an octave on the end. Like asking a question.   
“Did you tell anyone else we were out here?” Bro asks, turning to look from the trees to your father.  
“No,” He answers. “No-one. Someone may have saw us though.” He whistles again, and gets a more confident response. “I wonder who it is.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, yes, it's been ages. i'm swamped with shit to do and i only wrote during lunch times at school, so, yeah...  
> (it'll probably be like that for a while but i'll see what i can do)

You wonder if maybe it’s a neighbour. Maybe you dropped something and they decided to bring it to you. Maybe they’re whistling so that you can actually find them and they can return it. Maybe they’re-  
“Love!”  
Maybe they’re Karkat.  
You catch a glimpse of each other through a small break in the trees. You quickly turn away and mumble that it’s no-one, reeling in your line to appear casual. Bro grabs your arms and stands up. He tells your father it’s a kid from school you had a spat with and he’s going to go sort it out for you. Your father accepts this and allows Bro to tug you off into the forest.  
Your heart beats in your ears when you get closer to where you saw Karkat. Is this going to be it? It can’t be it. Bro wouldn’t do that to you. There’s no way he was serious about you picking Dave over Karkat. There’s no damned harm in having both.  
“Call him.” Bro says, looking up into the trees. You look up too, though it’s gotten too thick to let any light in, and, on cue, Karkat walks out of the trees and grabs your hand. You squeeze it and smile at him. “Hey.” Bro says, pulling you away from Karkat. “He doesn’t want to talk to you. In fact, he doesn’t want to see you again. Ever.” Karkat rolls his eyes and holds the note you wrote for him out to Bro. Bro snatches and reads it, mumbling the words to himself.  
“He said that he missed me.” Karkat points out.  
“Not that he loves you.” Bro retaliates with a smug little grin. “Why do you think that is?”  
“Are you suggesting John doesn’t love me?” Karkat snaps.  
“I’m suggesting you should leave. He can only be with one: you, or us. He’s chosen us.”  
“Has he chosen you or have you chosen you?” Karkat smirks, crossing his arms.  
“He’s chosen me, so go, and god help you if I ever hear of you being near him again.”  
“John do you love me?” Karkat asks with a soft smile.  
“I said leave.” Bro says through clenched teeth.  
“I want to hear it from him. John?”  
“I do.” You blurt out. “I love you more than anything on this Earth, Karkat.”  
“And do you love him?” He points to Bro.  
“Um.” You look up to Bro then quickly back to Karkat. You lick your lips and shrug. “Kind of I guess. Not as much as I used to. It’s kind of going downhill quickly since he stopped trusting me and stuff.”  
“Well I’d say he just chose me.” Karkat says to Bro. “Funny what you learn when you listen.” Karkat reaches over and grabs your hand again. He pulls on it to lure you over to him.  
“Whatever.” Bro grabs the back of your shirt and pulls you back to him. “He just doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do. He will eventually. He’s staying with us.” He shoves you back toward the river. Whenever you turn to look back at Karkat he shoves your shoulder so you look forward. And these are the reasons you’re beginning to hate him.

Dave’s awake when you make it back. He asks how it went with the kid. Bro tells him to shut up and sits down. You shrug and return to reading for a minute before Dave gets bored and wants to talk. You’re fine with that, and do that for a long while until Bro decides he wants to talk to you too. He leans down to whisper that he loves you in your ear just as an arrow flies through the space where his head would have been if he stayed sitting up.  
Your father gasps and turns around, then gasps again and stands up. He grabs your arm and runs towards town, dragging you until you catch your footing. He lets go of you for a second, but only to move his hand to grab your own, knocking your novel loose. You fight against him to run backward and pick it up, but that only causes you to slow down and get whacked with a tree branch when you turn around. It was sharp and cut your face in several places.  
Another arrow gets shot. It lands in front of your father. He stops suddenly and you crash into him, causing you both to fall. Another arm grabs you. It tears you out of your father’s hand and leads you back the way you came. The wind is loud in your ears. You vaguely hear your father calling out your name. Your glasses whip off your face when you turn around. Someone tackles you. Your hand gets knocked loose. They’re heavy on top of you, but soon leap off.  
A new hand grabs yours. It’s softer than the last. You get lead back toward your father, away from the growling and hissing. Their breath is fast. So is yours. Your father’s voice gets louder. You’re tackled again. Dave shouts your name. Something gets draped across your back. Then another thing. Then you. Across someone else’s back. It must be Karkat. He runs for a short amount of time then climbs a tree. You sit on a branch with your legs on either side, just like Karkat. There’s more light up here, but he’s still blurry.  
“Why’d you shoot at us?” You ask as he takes the bow and quiver off your back and places it over his own.  
“I didn’t, my love.” He rests his forearms on your shoulders and kisses your cuts. “I was only shooting at one of you.”  
“Was that my . . ?” You turn your head around to look at your novel in his hand. He holds it up and looks at the cover.  
“What, this?” He smiles. “I just found it in the dirt. Had no idea a frantic father knocked it loose.” He chuckles and places it in your hand. “I thought I’d pick it up for you because you looked a little distressed that you dropped it.”  
“I was. It’s a great book, but now I can’t make heads nor tails of the words. You’re going to have to read it to me a little later.”  
“Okay, let’s go home and I’ll read it to you now.” He stands up on the branch, which makes it shake. You grip onto it and do your best imitation of his hiss at Bro, who has joined in calling out your name some distance away. He hisses back and scurries down the trunk of the tree, opening his arms when he reaches the bottom and stands on the ground beneath you. He motions with his fingers for you to come down.  
“No!” You shout.  
“I’ll catch you,” He promises. “Just slide off.” You shake your head violently. “Love, don’t you trust me?” You squeeze your eyes shut and grip onto the branch tighter. “My love,” He sings, elongating ‘love’. “Please leap into my arms.”  
“I’m going to die.” You mumble to yourself, slowly shifting one of your legs so they’re both dangling over the one side. His grin is so large you can easily make it out from all the way up in the branch, about three times your own height.  
Everything about your body is telling you to cling onto the mossy branch for dear life and wait for him to climb back up and help you down, but everything about his is telling you to jump down, like that cheeky grin. Especially that cheeky grin.  
You let go of the branch and feel the wind push against your back, taunting you to jump into your perfect boyfriend’s warm arms that fit your body flawlessly. It seems stronger now that you’re not using extra support.  
You drop your novel down first, just to test his catching skills. He catches it with one hand without any fumbling and places it beside him on the ground. You’d be upset about his mistreatment of it if it hadn’t already been in the dirt today.  
With the persistent push of the wind, you close your eyes as tightly as possible and slip off the branch despite your better judgement. The air glides gently over your body like water when you dive in, but also harshly stabbing like a thousand needles. You let out a manly shout for the – okay a scream, but a manly scream – for the whole ten minutes you seem to be falling to your doom.  
Karkat grunts when he catches you. You can’t help but be a little offended at first until he chuckles and sets you down. He places his hand over your heart like you normally do when it’s beating fast.  
“That’s enough adrenaline to last a lifetime.” He jokes. You laugh and put your hand over his, pressing it harder onto your chest. “Let’s go so I can read to you.” He ducks down and picks up your novel. You take it from him and dust off the back cover of dirt. “What page are you up to?”  
“I’m not sure what page exactly.” You answer, grabbing for his hand while you walk in the opposite direction to your town. “And we’re going the wrong way.”  
“Well what was happening?”  
“We were going to have sex I think. Seriously, though,” You tug on his hand to make him stop walking. “We’re going in the wrong direction.”  
“We?” He smirks.  
“What?”  
“We were going to have sex?”  
“No. In the book. They hint at sex a lot but I think we were actually going-” He raises a brow at you. You clamp your mouth shut.  
“Love.” He gasps. “Are you reading an erotica pretending the characters are us?”  
“It’s not an erotica.” You defend. “They’ve just been physical a couple of times.”  
“You mean we have.” You lightly shove his shoulder then get on your tippy toes to kiss him. He eagerly wraps his arms around your waist and ducks his head down to meet yours.  
“I love you.” You whisper when you feel his lips graze against yours. He lets out a breath, begins to say something, but gets cut off.  
“Dirk!” Your father shouts, causing the two of you to jump away from one another in fear. “This is not a joke! I can’t lose someone else to those things!” Karkat glances over towards the voice and begins walking away, towing you along with him.  
“Wait, where are you going?” You ask. “That’s my dad.”  
“So?”  
“So I have to go to him.”  
“No you don’t. You can come live with me. I’ve already convinced Gamzee to allow you to sleep where he normally sleeps.” You stare blankly at him. “Love, I want to be able to wake up every day and see your face.”  
“I can’t leave my family. Just sleep over, it’ll be the same.”  
“Yeah,” He mumbles. “I guess so, I just thought . . .”  
“Here,” You hold your novel out to him. “Read this while you’re away. Come to my room in an hour.” He takes the book and fans through the pages. “I’m the girl.”  
“You’re the girl?” He echoes.  
“Yep. So I’ll see you then.” You grab the collar of his shirt to pull him down so you can kiss him goodbye.  
“I love you.” He calls out to your back when you scamper away looking for your father.

You get pulled into a brief hug when your father finds you. He too grabs your hand and walks you hurriedly through the forest. Dave isn’t with them, but they don’t seem worried. He must be somewhere safe.  
“Interesting how the trolls like John.” Bro says in a tone that suggests it’s casual conversation. “Almost like he has a connection with them somehow.”  
“Dirk please.”  
“Almost like he’s picking them over us, only we just keep interfering.”  
“Almost like I’m sick of your shit.” You reply. “Almost like you’re being an ass.”  
“I’m not being an ass-”  
“Dirk you’re being an ass. Shut up.”

You don’t end up picking any grass for the horses. Your father tells you no when you remind him; too dangerous to be a sitting duck. It’s your duty to re-fill their trough when you get back home. It doesn’t exactly need topping off, but you feel bad for not getting them any fresh grass. They seem pleased to get the food nonetheless.  
Back upstairs your father and the Strider’s are all sitting around your kitchen table. Your father’s got a plate of brownies in the middle, which Dave is tearing into. You walk up and slip into the spare seat, grabbing your own brownie.  
“I wonder why we were shot at.” Bro says. You know it’s directed to you.  
“We were in the forest.” Dave says. “Isn’t that reason enough?”  
“I’m not sure. It just seemed like there was another motive.”  
“Like what?”  
“I’m not sure of that either, Dave. Maybe the trolls were lead to believe that someone loved them more than they love us, maybe-”  
“What the hell are you on about?” Dave asks in the same moment you groan and bang your head on the tabletop. The three of them are silent for a moment.  
“John what’s wrong?” Your dad asks, placing a hand on your shoulder. You contemplate pointing to Bro, but just end up pointing to yourself. “You’re wrong?”  
“No.” You mumble into the table. “Just everything’s blurry and it’s giving me a headache.” He removes his hand from your shoulder, placing it back a couple silent minutes later along with a pair of glasses on the table. You quickly put them on. Oh how you’ve missed being able to see.  
You go to grab another brownie but decide against it and ask if you can excuse yourself to your room. It has to be about forty minutes since you told Karkat to meet you in your room. Spending twenty alone would be fine. Or at least fifteen with Dave.  
Bro asks if you’re going to be alone. You tell him to piss off, which gets you a little in trouble with your dad for cursing, but mainly because you and Bro still aren’t getting along.  
“I’ve got things to do tomorrow,” Your father begins. “A lot with that couple. How about you two work all day together?”  
“All day?” You complain.  
“Seven to nine.” He confirms.  
“Um, no.” You say. “I’m not working that long.” He stares at you in disbelief. Probably shocked you back talked.  
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Bro asks. “What about Dave? What am I going to do with him?”  
“I’ll be asleep for most of that if you leave me be.” Dave adds in.  
“No. You’ve got to go do your English, or math, or Spanish, or whatever classes it is you take at school.”  
“Let him sleep.” Your father says. “He’s a growing boy. He needs it.”  
“Then I’d like to sleep in too.” You grin. Your father chuckles and pats your hand. “I’m serious, dad.”  
“John, son, you don’t sleep in, and you’re not going to start. You’re going to work with Dirk tomorrow and that’s final.”  
“But I don’t want to. Can’t you get Rose’s mom to do it?”  
“I’m getting a little tired of your attitude, son.” Your father says, just below a shout. You slink down in your chair. “Am I going to have to lock you two in the bathroom so you begin working things out?” You shake your head. “What’s that?”  
“No, sir.”  
He sighs and grabs your wrist, then Bro’s. He pulls you both up out of your seats and drags you to the bathroom. You’re surprised that Bro isn’t putting up a fight; trying to pull his hand away. You look back toward Dave before you turn the corner. He’s just staring. You’re not sure who at, what with those glasses, but it must be out of shock. You can see his hand holding the brownie by his mouth rather than a series of blurs like he hasn’t eaten in weeks.  
Your bathroom door doesn’t get locked. Even if it did have a lock that for some reason locked from the outside, your father would never lock you in. Bro doesn’t try to leave when you hear your father’s footsteps disappear down the hall. Just sits on the edge of the bathtub. It’s weird. You sit on the toilet with your legs against your chest in silence; the latest soundtrack to your life. The air’s gotten thick with tension. Talking would probably thin it, but that’s something you really don’t want to do, but you suppose you’re going to have to.  
“So.” You say, drumming your fingers along your shins, thinking for something to say. Bro stops looking toward the wall and turns his head towards you. “I think I’m just going to go now.”  
“Go where?” He asks in a small voice.  
“To my room.”  
“No. Kiddo, we have to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frhiugrioka also thank you for all the comments, there's a special place in my heart for people who say things ♥


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, yes, it's been ages, and it's going to continue to be ages, because my other exams are in six or so weeks and i need to study for them.  
> also it might jump a lot cause i wrote bit by bit at lunch on a scrap piece of paper at school, and i couldn't be bothered reading over it and junk . . .

You eventually persuade Bro into getting to know Karkat. He suggests Karkat sit on the floor in the kitchen tomorrow then tells you he has to go take Dave to the museum. You know that’s a lie, but don’t say anything and go to your room to read. Your dad’s pleased that you’ve gotten yourself into the novel. He says it was his favourite when he was a kid too. You’re not a kid though.  
Karkat is sitting on the floor against your bed when you walk in. You shut your door and jump onto it, then open your arms and tell him to come into them. He doesn’t hesitate to lie next to you and rest his head on your chest.  
“Do you still want me to read to you?” He asks. He shifts so most of his body is laying on yours, putting a single leg between yours.  
“If you’d like to.” You answer, shutting your eyes and running your fingertips up and down his back. He rolls his shoulders back and relaxes.  
“Later.” He says in a voice coated with the vibration of purrs. “Your heart’s beating really fast.”  
“Beating for you.” You answer.  
“I wonder what’ll make it beat faster.” His voice no longer holds the shakiness that comes when he purrs. You open your mouth to reply, but instead only produce a small whimper as his rubs and squeezes your groin.  
“Karkat, I don’t- ooh.” He sits up and shimmies down your lap. “I thought we were gonna read.” You protest.  
“Why read when we can live it?” He carefully slides your pants down to your knees.  
“My dad’s here.”  
“We’ll be quiet.” He takes a finger and slowly runs it from the top of your underwear to the inside of your thigh, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. You grab his hands and take them away from your body. “What’s wrong, Love?” He pauses for an answer you’re not going to give. “We have different anatomy, I think we should explore each other.” He pauses again for an answer. “Do you not want to go first?”  
“No.” You say, hopefully putting on a convincing fake confidence. “I want to do you first.”  
He smirks and crawls up to kiss you. You briefly touch lips several times before he slips his hands under your back and flips you both over. He whispers that he loves you while his eyes are contently shut and his forehead’s resting on yours. You tell him that you love him more.  
Grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up, you begin to get a little anxious. Your dad has a little knack for interrupting intimate moments. It’s only a matter of time before he walks in and offers you something stupid. Probably going to ask if you want him to run you a bath-  
A bath.  
That’s perfect!  
“I’ll be right back.” You say to Karkat. He opens his eyes and looks confused, and slightly offended. “I’m going to get rid of my dad.” You pull up your pants, scurry out of your room, and calmly wander into the kitchen where your dad is washing dishes. You clear your throat.  
“What’s wrong, son?”  
“Dad I think I’m going to have a bath and read in there. I’ve heard baths help relax people and if I’m working with Bro tomorrow I’ll need to be relaxed.”  
“Okay, sure, that sounds like a great idea. Take your time. Do you want me to run it up for you?”  
“No thanks! I can handle it.” You turn around before he can reply and slip back into your bedroom. Karkat’s laying on your bed, shirt still half off like when you left him. He’s softly singing to himself. It’s cute.  
You rush up to your bed and grab his hand. He sits up and lifts his other arm, wrapping it around your waist and dragging you down on top of him.  
“We’re going to have a bath.” You grin. He returns it with another look of confusion. “Like the stream, but shh.” You place a finger to your lips and climb off of him. He gets up and follows you.   
You poke your head out of your door to see if your father is in a position to spot Karkat but you don’t even see him. You rush out of your bedroom and into the bathroom, pathetic bursts of adrenaline causing you to slam the door shut. You sure hope it doesn’t arouse your father’s suspicion, though you don’t dwell on that for too long though and begin filling the tub with water. Karkat doesn’t move much, just lifts his arms when you lift his shirt, and ducks down to kiss you when the fabric gets removed from his face. When you begin to kiss him though, along his jaw, down his neck, and along his collar bone, he thaws and places his hands on you. His hands run down your sides and grab the waistband of your pants, pulling them down just past your waist so gravity can do the rest. You reluctantly turn away from his touch to turn off the water. The bath is about half full. You figure when two people get added into it it’ll go up a fair bit.  
You carefully remove each other’s clothes, stopping when there’s only one piece left. Karkat asks if you want to pull them down on the count of three. His voice cracks halfway through. He must be really nervous. You shake your head and quickly yank his underwear down. His body stiffens for a moment before he returns the favour. You grab his hands and walk backward to the bath. His eyes are glued to your newly uncovered body part, and you suppose yours would be glued to his if he actually had anything there.  
The water’s a little bit too warm, but you’re not about to go making a scene of it. You climb into Karkat’s lap when he sits in the tub and resume kissing him. His hands both slide down your back until he can squeeze your bottom. You run your own down his chest and into the water to rub the empty space at the bottom of his torso. He gasps a little and pushes his hips into your hand. The more you rub small circles on him the more a little slit opens to reveal . . . okay, you’re not too sure, but when it’s long enough for you to grab you get scolded.  
“Woah, woah woah.” He stammers. “Don’t yank it out, what are you doing?”   
“Sorry!” You say a little too loudly as you jerk your hand away. “What am I meant to do with it then?”  
“What are you . . ?” He stares at you for a second and cocks his head a little as he talks. “Love are you asking me to masturbate for you?” You shrug then nod, backing off of his lap. “Wh- Really?”  
“Please. So I don’t do anything wrong. Just a little bit.” You grab his hands and bring them up to your mouth. You kiss them both then hold them against your chest. He wiggles one free and begins touching himself.  
His little itty bitty red tentacle grows to be not so itty bitty at all. It begins to leak red ooze all into the water. You would probably care a little more if, hell, you’ll be honest, if watching Karkat masturbate didn’t turn you on so much. You bite your lip and softly pump yourself as you watch him glide his hand over it. It’s basically the same as what you’re doing to yourself, only not as stiff and controlled. With a flexible penis, there’s a lot more freedom.  
You reach out toward him with your free hand. He watches it comes toward him with his mouth agape then grabs your face with both of his hands, bringing it to his to kiss furiously. You move your hands to grab at the hair on the back of his head. You can feel the red ooze on your cheek, transferring off of his hand, but you don’t care.   
His tentacle thing runs along your stomach, searching in your belly button before realizing it doesn’t lead anywhere and resorting to gripping and grinding against your penis. You moan as silently as your body will let you into his mouth and thrust onto his stomach. He thrusts back and grabs one of your hands, untangling it from his hair and lowering it to his genitals. You curl a finger around the tip of the tentacle and remove it from yourself. He grabs your hand again and lowers it more, forcing you to rub somewhere else. There’s a small opening and when he’s figured out that you’ve figured that out, he moves his hand back to your face. You put your middle finger up to the first knuckle into what appears to be your boyfriend’s god damned vagina. He yelps a little and tells you to go in further. You go the second, but that’s not enough for him either. You go as close to the third as you can and he tells you to go in further. You tell him he’s shit out of luck and pump your finger in and out.   
The room quickly fills with muffled moans and kisses as you move your now two fingers rapidly in and out of him, and his tentacle curls, grips, and caresses your penis. You wish it wouldn’t move so delicately. You wish it would be at least a little rough or fast. He seems to like it though, so you’re not going to say anything.  
About five or six minutes after beginning, Karkat’s breath comes short and quick in your ear. You’re glad; your arm is getting tired. His hands clamp into fists, well, they try to. His right hand is resting in the small of your back as you lay on top of him. It slowly closes and his nails dig into you, surely cutting five perfect lines into your flesh. His left hand is in yours. When he tightens that one it causes your hand to bend back painfully. You automatically begin to remove your fingers from him to try to pry your other hand free, but he swiftly takes his right hand and grabs the wrist of your left. He guides your fingers in and out of him at about twice the speed of what you were capable of doing.   
A long, long, long, long, long moan escapes his mouth as he gets closer and closer to his climax. You’re one hundred percent sure your dad can hear it and try to pull your right hand free so you can cover his mouth, but he’s not having it. It seems to last for hours before he stops making a sound and lets his hands go limp. He takes a two second break to catch his breath then lifts his head up and begins slowly kissing you. Needless to say, you kiss back just as slowly, slipping your hand out of him.  
“I love you.” He says onto your lips.  
“I love you too.” You nod and take your hand out of his, turning over so you’re sitting in between his legs and lying against his chest as you masturbate. You swap to your right hand, but a moment later he bumps your hand away and replaces it with his own, pumping as fast as he was with himself. You buck your hips up into his hand and let out a loud moan of your own.  
“Shh, my Love.” He purrs in your ear. You cover your mouth and squeeze your eyes shut as he strokes the back of his fingers down your face. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip and you clutch his hand as you reach your climax. It helps you let out a sudden burst of bliss without being too noisy, but you do make a few pitiful squeaks which he chuckles at.

You end up cuddling in the nude afterwards, but in the warmth of your bed, rather than in the warmth of a semen filled tub. You lie on your sides and kiss a lot. A whole lot. You run your hands along each other and tangle and un-tangle your legs. His touch still gives you goose bumps and causes your heart to race. You would have figured by now you’d be used to it. He whispers that your skin is really sensitive skin and runs his finger up your stomach. You squirm and do the same thing to him, but he doesn’t react the way you hoped, he just smirks at your vain attempt and does it to you again. You clutch his hand in both of yours and hug it to yourself.  
“Do you remember when I caught you in the forest when we first met?” He asks. Your face drops as his lights up.  
“Don’t you dare.” You whisper. “I’ll laugh too much and my dad will hear. He’s already heard our sex noises, I don’t want to have to explain spontaneous laughter to him too.”  
“Please.” Karkat begs, pouting a little.  
“I’m not going to give you permission to torture me.” You let go of his hand and pout back, but he must think you’re asking for a kiss because he taps his pout to yours, and travels it down your neck and chest. Your father walks in shortly after and reminds you that you have a long shift tomorrow and may want to plan your sleep accordingly. You tell him sure, you’ll go to sleep now, but end up staying up another three hours with Karkat. You don’t regret it in the morning.

Karkat’s naked body is tangled around yours when you wake up. He’s already awake and watching you. You don’t ask how long he’s been up, just kiss him and tell him you love him. He tells you he loves you too and rolls over to go back to sleep. You guess you should have told him that he’d be working with you.  
“Sweet heart,” You say, placing your hand gently on his back. “You’re coming to work with me today.”  
“What?”  
“You’re going to get on Bro’s good side.” You sit up and throw the covers off of your bed so he’ll get up. “I know I should have told you sooner but we started doing other things and I just plain forgot.” You lick your lips as you let your eyes wander across his body.  
“I liked those other things.” He says into your mattress.   
“Yes me too, now get up.”   
“No, leave me alone for a little longer.”  
“I’ll leave you alone for a kiss.” You lean down and kiss the back of his neck, then slip your hand in between his thighs to rub. He quickly rolls over and pulls you on top of him. You continue rubbing his thigh and run your other hand through his hair. “I was only kidding, though.” You breathe. “We don’t have the time. We have to go.”  
“We’ll be quick, Love.”  
“We’ll be quick later.” You promise. “Get dressed, gorgeous.”

Bro is the only one in your house when you and Karkat leave your bedroom. He’s made you a bowl of cereal and agrees to make one for Karkat too. It’s nice. It’s really really nice to have Karkat sitting openly with you at your kitchen table. He talks in whispers about what food is in front of him despite you talking in a normal tone.  
“What are we going to do with him?” Bro asks, taking your bowl and eating what’s left.  
“I was thinking he’d just sit in the corner behind the counter maybe, since you would be hanging back there most of the day.”  
“What makes you think I’m a chef? You’re going to be the one cooking, kiddo. And how about you?” He says, waving his spoon toward Karkat. “What’re we going to do about all this?”  
“About all of me?” Karkat asks.  
“Yes. What if someone sees you? Johnny, Rox stays over a lot now, doesn’t she?”  
“Rose’s mom?” You ask. “No. She stays with Rose.”  
“Well, whatever, she stayed over the night they fucked. She’s bound to have make up laying around somewhere.” He stands up from the table and wanders down your hall. You get up too, and drag Karkat along with a sigh.

Rose’s mom did leave some make up behind. She left foundation, and lipstick, and eye shadow, and, jeez, she might as well have permanent residency. Bro grabs a little foam triangle off the dresser and runs it over the plate of foundation, then wipes it on Karkat’s cheek. You grin and tell him to do it again. He does so eagerly and soon Karkat has his hair pinned back (a very sexy look in your opinion) and a very human looking face.  
“I look stupid.” Karkat says.  
“You look human.” You reply, squishing up close to him to be seen in the small rectangular mirror too.  
“Exactly.” He wraps his arm around your waist and raises his hand to touch his cheek but stops himself. You and Bro had warned him before that if he were to touch his face he would smudge his makeup and have to sit down all day, which is something he doesn’t want to have to do.  
Together with makeup, gloves, and a hat, Karkat can pass as an ill human, just as long as he doesn’t show off his teeth. You and Bro are satisfied with how he looks and go downstairs to open the shop. You have to set out the cupcakes from yesterday and mark them as half off, since you haven’t had the time to bake fresh ones yet, and it’s going to take a while because one of the ovens have decided to break and you’re stuck with using two for the day.  
While the others are pre-heating you decide to fill out the specials board. You write in large blue lettering on the small blackboard that the special for today is a plain muffin for a dollar each or six for four. The whole time you’re writing Karkat rubs your butt.  
“What’re you doing?” You ask as you grab a piece of yellow chalk to draw a cupcake in the bottom half of the board.  
“Just watching you write.” He squeezes his hand and it causes some tingles in the front of your pants. You flinch a little and swat his hand away. “What’s wrong?”   
“Nothing.” You shake your head and begin to draw the cupcake.  
“Really?” He asks and curls his fingers around your waist. “Nothing at all?” He brings his other hand in front of crotch and creates a shape with that mimics if he were to be holding your . . . junk. He slowly moves this hand back and forth. You gulp and feel the tingles again. “You make me crazy, Love.”  
“John!” Bro shouts from out on the floor cleaning tables. “What are you doing?”   
“We were just drawing the cupcake.” You say and pick up the blackboard to show Bro. Karkat takes his hands away from you and takes a step back.  
“Don’t make me go all middle school dance on you two.” Bro threatens. “Bake.”  
“They’re preheating.”  
“Then mix the ingredients. Troll. Come with me.” Karkat looks to you for guidance. You motion towards Bro with a reassuring smile.

Within ten minutes customers begin to trickle in. They ask for everything you don’t have. They ask for a standard birthday cake, which you say they’ll get if they come back in two hours, they ask for rainbow cupcakes, something you don’t even sell, and overall, they just refuse to buy the day-old cupcakes.  
When you bake fresh cupcakes, and the birthday cake, Bro promises to frost them for you since you’re hopeless at it. You have to write ‘Happy Birthday’ on the cake though, because Bro doesn’t trust himself.  
“Hello my gorgeous human.” You smile to Karkat when he walks into the back where you are (most of the reason you refuse to do the frosting yourself).  
“What’s jaundice?” He asks as he wipes some flour off of your face.   
“What? Jaundice? It’s a disease. Why?”  
“Dirk said that I have it.”  
“Dirk?”  
“A lady asked why his eyes were like that.” Bro explains. “So I said he has jaundice.”  
“Ooh, no. I don’t know how well that’ll go if it gets around. People won’t want to come here if they think a sick kid is handling their food.”  
“You’re kidding.” Bro says. You shake your head. “Then what do you want to do with him? Sit him in the corner?”  
“N-no. Just don’t tell people he has jaundice.”  
“If I sit down am I allowed to be grey?” Karkat asks. “Because I really want to kiss him.” He brings his hand up to stomach level and points at you.  
“You can last a day without kissing.” Bro says. He hands you the icing spatula and drags Karkat to the front counter, which is where he spends most of his time.  
You only interact with Karkat a couple of times throughout the day. He mouths ‘I love you’ when your eyes meet from time to time; you get a couple of minutes to talk to him when Bro comes back to do the frosting; and you get to spend ten kissless minutes with him during your break. It doesn’t really matter to you, you guess, as long as he’s getting along with Bro you’re glad to take the sacrifice.   
Finally, after fourteen hours, your shift ends and you close the shop. It would be an understatement to say you’re about to drop dead. You’re kind of really jealous of Karkat, who fell asleep in the corner of the kitchen an hour ago. You tell Bro you’re going to wake him up and go to sleep yourself, but he tells you you have to talk.  
“After today,” He starts, sitting at one of the tables. “I’ve decided that Karkat isn’t as bad as I was originally lead to believe.”   
“What?” You ask with a large smile. “Really? So you like him?”  
“The first thing he said to me was sorry for misbehaving, and every moment I wasn’t engaging him he was watching you. John, I couldn’t stay mad at him, not when he was looking at you like that.”  
“Does that mean you’re going to leave us be?”   
“Not entirely. I’m still going to make sure you don’t do anything too R rated, not until you’re twenty-five, at least.”  
“Okay.” You laugh, glancing over to the kitchen. “Nothing sexual from here on out until I turn twenty-five. I promise.”  
“Here on out?” He echoes. “John have you done something sexual with him?”  
“No, no, of course not. I was talking about this morning in the kitchen.” You climb onto his lap and hug him. “Thank you for giving him another chance.”  
“That’s no problem, Kiddo.” He hugs you back. “You should go get some sleep. I gotta get home and feed Dave.”  
“I love you.” You tell him, sliding off his lap. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t. I was lying.”  
“It hurt.”  
“I know. I just- I was mad at you. I’m so sorry.” You slowly walk backward towards the kitchen where Karkat is asleep.  
“Make sure you take off his make up before you let him sleep.” He tells you. He gets up from the table and leaves the shop. You know that was his way of telling you he accepts your apology, in a messed up sort of way.   
You walk up to Karkat, who is snoring softly as usual, and nudge him awake. You tell him it’s time to go to bed and grab his hands, to pull him up, but he just pulls you down to him and uses your chest as a pillow. You pat his back sympathetically and stand up, dragging him along with you to the sink to begin scrubbing away the makeup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the poor sex-ish scene, cause i just get all awks when writing things like that so i was just kinda trying to get it over with


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bloop

When you wake up the next day your house is empty, excluding Karkat and yourself of course. You poke your head into your father’s room but he’s not there. He’s not in the kitchen either, nor the shop. You fix some breakfast for Karkat and tell him you’re going to go over to Bro’s to see if he knows where your dad may be. He wants to come, though. He wants you to put makeup on him again and take him with you. You tell him you can’t because Dave hasn’t met him before, and would probably end up knocking off the hat but he keeps complaining that he wants to walk around with you, so you hand him your novel and tell him to conjure up some ideas while you’re gone to shut him up.  
You run into your bully on your way. He asks you if you’re up so early because you’re looking for your balls. You tell him that you thought you’d be kind and help him look for his despite it being a futile task. He gets a little cross with you for that and throws a punch at you, but you end up ducking out of the way and running off. It was really quite an empty insult, since he is out at the same time.  
Dave ends up opening the door for you when you make it to his house. His shirt is half off of his right shoulder, and his eyes are barely open. You see no harm with letting yourself in, so you walk straight into Bro’s room.  
“Where’s my dad?” You ask as you open the blinds.  
“Shut them.” Bro orders, putting his pillow over his face and mumbling something into his mattress.  
“What?” You ask. He mumbles again. You crawl onto his bed with him and lift the pillow up. “Bro he’s not at home.”  
“I’ve been asleep the whole time since I left-”  
“Um.” Dave says from Bro’s doorway. You sit up and turn to him. “Can I know what’s going on here?”  
“We’re having an intimate moment,” Bro says, wrapping his arm around you and turning his head around to look at Dave. “Do you mind?” He pushes you down on the mattress and hovers above you, ducking down to give you pretend kisses. You hear Dave groan and stomp his way down the hall.  
“Get off me please.” You say after he’s pretend kissed all the way down to your stomach and Dave is long gone.  
“Don’t wake me up, Kiddo.” He retaliates.

Bro suggests that your dad was just going shopping for more supplies and you were asleep when he left, so you didn’t notice. You know that can’t be it. If your dad was going to leave while you were asleep he would have checked up on you first, and he would have noticed a troll sleeping next to you. You don’t tell Bro, just thank him and leave again.

Karkat’s helped himself to another bowl of cereal while you were out. You can tell because he got a second bowl, rather than refilling his first. He explains that he was hungry after a long day of befriending Bro, then says he wants dessert and pulls you into his lap. You tell him that’s unbelievably corny but kiss him anyway because it’s also unbelievably adorable.

“Your friend thinks it’s strange that I stay over most of the time.” Karkat says as you lay across the couch on top of him.  
“Does he?” You ask with your eyes closed.  
“Yes. It got me thinking that maybe it is strange.” You sit up and stare at him. “I don’t want to impose on you.”  
“You’re not. Sweetie, you’re not.” You run your hand through his hair. “I love having you over. You’re my favourite part of the day. I love you so much.”  
“I love you more.” He grins.

Your father spent the night at Rose’s place, not at all worried about imposing. He walks into the kitchen with a very guilty look on his face and busies himself in the top cupboard, looking for a mug.  
“Good morning, son.” He says casually.  
“Where were you?” You ask, quietly pushing the door to the bottom cupboard shut as Karkat hides away in it.  
“I was with Roxy for the evening. I know I should have informed you, but it wasn’t planned. It just suddenly happened.”  
“What? What happened? Is Rose okay?”  
“Yes. They’re both fine. Roxy and I are just . . . ” He sighs, motioning to the kitchen table. He trudges over to it himself and pulls out a chair for you. You walk away from Karkat’s cupboard, which allows it to open, and go sit in the chair. Your father walks over to the other side of the table and sits down. “There’s a part to every relationship, colloquially known as the honeymoon stage, and it just means that being physical becomes very important.”  
“So your relationship with her is based off of sex?”  
“No. I love her, just at the moment-” He sighs again and squeezes the bridge of his nose. “You’ll understand after the first time you get physical with the boy you end up loving. It gets addicting, somewhat, the feeling of-”  
“No. No, god, no,” You stand up from the table. “Please stop talking. You’re not meant to be having sex. Oh god. You’re old and widowed and-”  
“Are you suggesting I don’t love your mother anymore?” He asks. You stare at him for a moment then shrug and nod a little. “Go to your room, son.”  
“What?”  
“Go!”  
“I didn’t even-” He gets up roughly from the table, causing his chair to fall onto the floor. “I didn’t do anything!” He grabs the scruff of your shirt and pulls on it to drag you through the living room, but you duck out of it. He glares at you and grabs your hair instead. You stop resisting and follow his lead as he pulls you into your bedroom so he doesn’t end up pulling your hair.  
“You’re grounded for a month!” He shouts as he slams your door shut.  
“Hey.” You hear Karkat’s accusing voice say. You gasp and pull on your door to open it, but your dad quickly pulls it shut, probably to protect you from the danger that is your push over boyfriend. “What did you just do to him?” Karkat continues.  
“There’s no-one else here.” Your dad defends. “It’s just me.”  
“Let him out. I’m not going to tolerate you treating him like dirt.”  
“Karkat!” You shout as you jiggle your doorknob in an attempt to knock your father’s grip loose. “He’s not supposed to know about you, you fucking dumbass! You’ve just ruined everything! Absolutely everything!”  
There’s a moment of silence after your outburst (excluding the sounds of your door) before your father swings it open and grabs your hand. He runs you out of your bedroom and down the stairs. Karkat’s no longer there, so you guess he figured it was safe to make a run for it, but Karkat returns a second later with a frying pan and hits your dad over the head with it. Needless to say, when you catch yourself, you gape at your father’s unconscious body slide down the stairs, then to Karkat.  
“What?” He asks innocently.  
“You hit my dad!”  
“You didn’t want him to see me.”  
“You hit my dad!”  
“But now we can just place him in his bed and when he comes to he’ll think he dreamed me up.”  
“You hit my dad! What if he won’t wake up?!”  
“He’ll wake up.” He reassures. “Just take him to his bed and leave him there.” He walks past you down the stairs and grabs your father’s feet.  
“Don’t touch him!” You shout, rushing down to bump Karkat away.  
“Why not?”  
“Because you’re a fucking troll!”

You grab your father’s arms and try to lift him up, but he’s kinda heavy for a scrawny guy. Karkat just stands there and watches until you ask for help, and even then he’s hesitant. He doesn’t do anything while you’re tucking your father into his bed either but stand there and mumble to himself, looking at you expectantly. You ignore him. If he wants to have a conversation with you he’ll have the decency to speak up.  
You decide to place a half empty bottle of beer in your dad’s hand, so there’ll be an explanation for the headache he’s guaranteed to have when he wakes up. Karkat offers to drink it for you, so you don’t waste it, but as soon as he takes a sip he makes a noise like you’re torturing him. It annoys you. The first thing he finally doesn’t mumble shouldn’t be something he’s just going to end up pretending is the worst thing to happen in his life. You snatch the beer from him and pour most of it out, so there’s only one third left. You figure it would be a bit more realistic if a drunk guy went to bed nursing his drink. At least, in theory it sounds good.  
Once you’ve set that up you go and sit at your kitchen table. Karkat mumbles something to you again and gives you the same expectant look.  
“What?” You snap, fed up with the way he’s acting.  
“Should I go, Lo- John?” He asks in a small voice. You run your hand over your face and sigh. “Because I’d really like to stay and love you.”  
“Does that look like that can be an option?” You ask. His face sinks, so you elaborate. “My dad’s going to wake up soon and he’s going to have the feint memory of a troll, so he’s going to look for you. You have to go. I don’t want you here when he’s doing that, okay?” You wait a moment for him to reply, but he doesn’t. “Karkat, okay?”  
“Huh?” He asks, focusing his vision on you, though you were sure it already was.  
“Were you listening to anything I just said?” He shakes his head. “I said you have to go. I don’t want you here.” His face sinks even more, if that were even possible. “Karka-”  
“You don’t want me here?” He echoes.  
“No, baby, you have to go.” You stand up and walk towards him, to lead him out and give him a kiss goodbye, but he runs off before you reach him. He must have heard your dad stir. You guess it doesn’t matter that much, it’s not like he doesn’t already know you love him and that kiss was all that important.

A few minutes after Karkat’s left, your father walks out of his room, rubbing his head. He stops abruptly when he sees you and forces a grin on his face.  
“Hey.” You smile back.  
“Hiya son, um,” He hides the beer bottle he’s holding behind his back. “How are you?”  
“I’m well, how are you?”  
“Great, great. I’m great.”  
“That’s great.” You keep your smile, but his fades. “You didn’t act inappropriately, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

After he eats the scrambled eggs you make him, and after three glasses of water, he leaves to go apologise to Roxy and tells you to open the shop. You ask if you should tag along, just in case he’s still a little groggy, but he reassures you he’s fine.  
Things run a hell of a lot smoother than yesterday, thankfully. You assume because now you know what not to do. Everyone that walks in, though so early in the morning, after two hours there’s only been four people, has left satisfied with what they got. You’re actually really proud of yourself for not fucking everything up. You’re excited to share the good news with your father when he walks in, but don’t get a chance before he starts yelling at you.  
“What?” You ask.  
“I know about your boyfriend.” He says through clenched teeth, dragging you into the very back of the kitchen by your shirt. You feel your stomach drop and simultaneously turn to ice and fire. “David’s brother confirmed it.” He continues. “I cannot believe you, John Egbert. Do you know how badly this will affect the shop if it gets out? Mr. Egbert and his fucked up son, indeed.”  
“What? Dad-”  
“You’re going to stop seeing him, is this clear? You are not going to tell him, however. It is going to be made clear enough by your avoidance of him, do you understand? You are not to leave my side unless you are using the restroom or sleeping. I will go to school with you if it comes to that. I am so disappointed in you. How did you even see him enough to form a relationship?”  
“He snuck into my room. But dad-”  
“What? No, no, no. Then from here on out my room is your room. There has to be zero chance that you’ll run into him. Maybe you should sleep over at the Lalonde’s place for a couple of days. Do you realise you are dating a sex-crazed animal?”  
“He’s not sex-crazed.” You say. “Why can’t I stay with Dave?” His face turns grimmer, like you’re not understanding something and he’s getting tired of explaining it. He probably just wants you to stay over with Rose so he can be with Roxy. “O-or I can stay with Rose.”  
“I’m really disappointed in you, son.” He repeats, which causes a sharp ache in your chest. “Have you ever been physical with him?” You nod once. “My lord, where did I ever go wrong with you?”  
“There’s nothing wrong with me.” You whisper. “I fell in love and acted on it. Isn’t that much better than allowing it to die?” You look up at him for an answer, but he’s still wearing a pissed off face. “Actually, you know what? I don’t frankly care what you say, I’m going to continue to see him no matter what you-” He points to the stairs. “What are you doing? You want me to go upstairs?” He doesn’t speak. “Fine! I didn’t want to stay here with your close minded attitude anyway!”  
“You’re grounded.”  
“I didn’t do anything! All I did was love someone you don’t approve of!”  
“Yes, and I believe that’s reason enough. Now go. Pack some things, too, I want you to spend the day with the Lalondes just in case he decides to return.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's all shitty and jumpy and junk cause i was really putting it off so i didn't even think about making it all make sense i was all like NAH LET'S JUST WRITE THIS BIT THEN THIS BIT THEN JUST GLUE IT ALL TOGETHER EH THAT WORKS  
> um yeah so oops but also cbf making it any better i really don't want to have to write this bit holy shitballs

Your father insists on walking you over to Rose’s place because he’s afraid you’ll go run off to see Bro if it were up to you to transport yourself.  He’s right.  You plan on doing just that.  You plan on leaving Rose and yelling at Bro until his ears bleed.  How dare he tell your father about you and Karkat.  How dare he basically ruin your life like that.  How dare he say something that leads to you spending the night with two pristine ladies that are sure to bore you to death.

The two girls give you a pair of stern looks when they open the door together.  Of course your father has already told them about you and Karkat.  Why did you think otherwise?  Why did you think you’d be able to catch a break?  Why did you think he wouldn’t tell his girlfriend just because he doesn’t want it to be public?

“Make sure he stays put.”  Your father says.  “I know he’s going to try to sneak off to the Strider residence, so keep an eye on him.  He’s also in the middle of throwing a tantrum and I apologise in advance for that.”

“No I’m not.”  You say.  “I’m perfectly fine with being shipped off because I’m too happy for your standards.”

“He _did_ pull John out of his depression.”  Rose defends.  You nod in agreement, though you were never depressed to begin with.

“Rox?”  Your dad pleads, ignoring the two of you.

“I’ll keep him here.”  She promises. 

 

Rose and yourself spend half an hour sitting in her room in silence.  She tries to start conversation by saying stupid things like “odd couple”, but you don’t indulge her.  You don’t want to talk about it.  You want it all to go away.  You want to go see Bro.  You want Karkat to be your secret again.

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as your father’s making it out to be.”  She sympathises.  “I don’t really care who you date, for the record, but next time you should make sure it stays hidden.”  You sigh heavily at her attempts to make you feel better.  “Come on, let’s go get your toothbrush.”

“My toothbrush?”  You ask.

“Yes.  You forgot it at your place and we’re going to go get it.”  She winks at you and leaves he room.

 

Turns out she was creating an excuse to get you out of the house so you can go visit Bro.  You were kind of hesitant to follow her, but you’re glad you did.  She sits on the couch with Dave while you step into Bro’s room and ask what the fuck is wrong with his stupid fucking mind.  He laughs at you and says he’s not sorry.

“Don’t laugh!”  You snap.  “My dad’s not letting me live in my house because Karkat sneaks in through my window, you crazy fucking bastard!”

“Shit you told him about Karkat?”  He asks.

“No!  You did!  I can’t believe you, Bro!   I ha-”

“Woah, woah, I didn’t say anything about him!”  He interrupts.  “Your father came in here yapping about how I should stop seeing you and how it was illegal, so I played along.  Dave must have told on you when he caught us this morning.  I figured it was better for him to think I was your boyfriend than a troll, and this way if he ever happens to see Karkat he won’t think too much of it, besides a death threat.”  He pauses for a moment while you glare at him.  “John?”

“He’s already seen Karkat.”  You answer.  “I was being rude to him, then he sent me to my room and Karkat didn’t like the way he was treating me, so he asked him what he was doing or something, I don’t know.  Karkat hit him over the head to make him pass out then we put him to bed with a beer bottle so he just thinks it was a drunken dream.

“That’s harsh.”  He says.  “Are you okay to pretend to be dating, though?  I would have made it Dave, but he might take it seriously and I don’t want him to get hurt.  I have a feeling he’s going to sink his teeth into whoever first shows him romantic love and not let go.”

“I suppose I am, but even if I say no you’re going to go ahead and say we’re together.  We’re not going to kiss or anything, just have the title, right?”  He nods.  “Good.  Could you entertain my dad while I stay over at Rose’s, by the way?  I don’t want him to run into Karkat.”

“I think I’m the last person he wants to spend his time with, but I can give it a shot.  I’ll tell him all about our relationship and how it’s been nothing but sensible and you’re still his little virgin angel.”

“Actually I told him we’ve been physical.”  You mumble.  “Karkat and I had a bath together once and things sorta happened, and dad had asked if we’d done anything so I said yeah.”

“Little Johnny is no longer a virgin?”  He gapes.

“No, no, I’m still a virgin, and I plan on staying one for a long long time, it was just handy work.”  He smirks and opens his mouth to talk but you cut him off.  “Go to my dad, please.  He can’t find out about Karkat, he’ll never believe that he’s not trying to hurt me.  Either of them.  They both don’t know each other and already hate one another, please, Bro, you have to help.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”  He ducks down and picks you up, crushing you into a hug.  You hug back and wrap your legs around him to keep yourself up, since he doesn’t seem to be trying that hard.

He walks out of his bedroom in this manner, you clinging to him like a little sloth.  Rose grins, and Dave just stares blankly, like he’s uninterested, but you’re sure it’s rough on him.  Bro explains that he’s going to go take you home so the two of you can talk to your dad and hopefully convince him that you’re in love, not lust, but you tell him no he’s not and kiss his nose.  Rose too suggests that it’s a bad idea, since your dad is angry at the two of you for the time being.  She says to leave him be for a couple days.  You don’t really want to stay with Rose for more than an evening. 

 

At nine o’clock in the evening, when you’re back at Rose’s house laying in your sleeping bag staring at the ceiling, your father comes over to drop off more clothes for you.  A week’s worth of clothes, to be exact.  You hear him and Rose’s mom talk downstairs.  He asks her to tell you that he’s still disappointed in you, but instead she tells you that he loves you, and he’s just a little hurt.  You like her version better. 

She pulls you out of your sleeping bag and ushers you downstairs to their couch, where she hugs you in silence for a good while.  Rose is already sitting there reading, and she pats your knee when you first sit down, but otherwise ignores you.  It’s nice to be hugged by a mother, you notice.  You can’t believe you’ve gone through your whole life without this.  She has an aroma about her that’s both welcoming and distant, but mostly welcoming and you’re sure nothing has ever felt this wonderful.

 

School comes, and school goes.  Dave is ignoring you like you’ve got some contagious disease he can catch by saying hello; Rose spends most of her time telling everyone that you are now her brother who helps her paint her nails; and Jade compliments you on your work and asks if you can do her toes.

You sit with Dave in the class you have with him, but he doesn’t talk to you that much.  You say hello to him and he replies with a nod, then asks if you could move over a little because you’re too close.  He’s cold to you for the next three days.

 

On the fourth day Rose’s mom walks into the bathroom while you’re brushing your teeth for school.  She tells you that you’re allowed to go home tonight and you nearly break your face smiling.  You thank her for telling you and have an excited feeling in your stomach all day until you actually make it home.

Your dad is working when you get home, which gives you chance to rush upstairs and dig out your biweekly report card to show him.  You were half expecting Karkat to be sitting on your bed waiting for your arrival, but you guess he stopped coming when he noticed your dad was always in your room.  You’ll have to go find him and tell him it’s safe to come back.

Downstairs your father isn’t too interested in your report.  You show him and he merely glances at it before sliding it back across the counter to you.  You slide it back over to him.

“I didn’t get anything low, look.”

“You got a C.”  He replies.

“Yeah, but only one.  I got mostly A’s, did you see?  That’s better than mostly B’s like I’ve been getting.”

“Yes it is.”  He slides the report back to you.

“I’ve missed you.”  You tell him as you pick up your report.  “Four days is a long time.”  He doesn’t answer, just walks back to the ovens.  You follow him like some sort of pathetic puppy.  “I love you, dad.”

“Go put that away before it gets dirty.”  He tells you, pointing to your report.  “Then go off and play with David, I won’t be needing you today.” 

“Oh.”  You say, taking a step backwards.  “Are you sure?  I don’t mind working with you.”

“I’m fine on my own.  Go find David and bring him back here if you’d like, I don’t mind.”

 

You place your report card on the kitchen table then run out of the house.  Everything will get better when you see Karkat, you decide, so you creep around houses until you make it to the outskirts of town and can run into the forest without anyone seeing.

It’s windy and the air whistles around all the tree trunks.  A few gusts of wind make it difficult to walk forward, and blows dust in your eyes, which blinds you long enough to be tackled to the ground.  You move about underneath them and try to squirm out as you rub your eye.

“Human!”  They shout excitedly.  You open your eye a little to see the cat troll on top of you.  “Where have you been?”

“I’ve been grounded kind of.  Where’s Karkat?”

“He said he went to a hole.  I followed him there, it’s really small.”  She gets off of you and helps you up.  “Are you looking for him?”

“Yeah,” You answer, dusting yourself off.  “I haven’t seen him in several days.”

 

She kindly shows you your way over to the tree where you first met Karkat.  He’s sitting in the hole with his legs up to his chest and his head buried in his knees.  Nepeta says hello to him, and he tells her to go away because she smells like you.  You laugh under your breath and crawl into the hole as Nepeta follows his instructions.

He lifts his head up to look at you then sighs and crawls out.  You follow him and ask where he’s going.  He lifts his hand up to his face and wipes his eye before turning around and telling you that he’s getting away from you.  You stare at him for a second as you feel your whole body set on fire.

“What?”  You choke out.

“What are you doing here?”  He asks, though it’s more of a shout than a question.  “After four days are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Do you know what I did for you?”  He takes a couple steps forward, then immediately takes them back.  “I waited.  I waited just outside of your town for hours because I didn’t think you could have possibly been serious.  I figured you would have realised what you did and come out to stop it or something.  Anything!  I went home for ten minutes before coming back.  I slept on the ground a couple trees in for you.  Do you realise how dangerous that is for me?  Do you realise that anyone could have walked past and seen me?”  You slowly shake your head at him.  “You don’t realise that?  Do you want me to spell-”

“I don’t understand why you did that.”  You interrupt.

“Well,” He scoffs.  “Neither do I.  You hardly seem worth it now.”  You swallow a large lump in your throat and try to fight back the prickles of tears in your eyes.  “Don’t you dare.”  He says.  “Don’t you dare even think about crying.  You’re not going to act like the victim here.  I’m the victim.”  He jabs his chest a couple times then lets his arm flop down to his side.  “You didn’t even have a good reason to do it.”  He blows hair out of his face and waits a moment before continuing.  “Why did you do it?”  He’s not shouting anymore.

“I don’t even know what I did.”  You admit, which grants you a heavy sigh from Karkat.  “All I did was fuck everything up and have no time for you.  Is that why you’re breaking up with me?  Because I didn’t spend every waking moment with you?”

“You are so thick.”  He says, regaining some of his irritated tone.  “You broke up with me four days ago, you clod, or were you too busy making cakes to remember?  You said, and I quote, ‘I don’t want you anymore’.”  He puts on a stupid voice and prances around while he tries to mimic you.

“I never said that.”  You defend.

“Yes you did!  I hit your stupid human over the head and you hated me for it and broke up with me.  You broke up with me because I tried to not fuck everything up!”

“I didn’t break up with you!  I told-”

“You did!”  He interrupts.  You sigh and wait for him to finish his tantrum.  “I know you did because I was trying to tell you how much I love you but you kept ignoring me, then you told me to leave so I did and I waited for you because there was no way-”

“Karkat.”  You say before he goes around in a circle.  “If you would-”

“Don’t interrupt me!”

“If you would listen to me,” You say a little louder.  “You would have known that I meant leave for a moment, then when you did come back I could have told you that I would be gone for a little while, but you had to space out and go throw a tantrum.”

“That is bullshit.  You dumped me and now you’re just coming up with some dumb excuse so you don’t have any reason to feel bad.  I used to feel so sorry for you.  It used to keep me up at night wondering what sort of heartless bastard could ever lay a hand on you but now I can see that you’re the heartless bastard and that’s why people hit you.  Ugh, I’m kind of half tempted to do it myself!”

“Go on!”  You shout, taking a step forward and opening your arms.  “Hit me!  Break my nose!”

“It’s an unfair disadvantage.”  He explains calmly.  “I’m not going to hit you.”  You take another step toward him.  “Oh, you want me to hit you?  Well, damn, sure, come here.”  You walk up to him as he shakes his hand through the air then clenches it into a fist.

Being up close to him is a mistake you really should have thought twice about.  Your eyes scan his face scrunched up in anger; something you really didn’t notice before.  It puts everything into perspective.  Your boyfriend is standing before you, angrier than you’ve ever seen anyone, breaking up with you and eager to smash your face.

You feel a tear roll down your cheek, and see his face shift to something softer, which must translate to your brain that it’s okay to cry, because your eyes stop holding tears back and you begin to sob.  You crouch down and try to hide your face from him so you don’t look more pathetic than you already do.

“Oh shit.  John.”  He says, placing a hand on your back.  “John, go home.  It will be okay, you’ll forget about me after a while.”

“Please.”  You squeak.  “I’m losing everyone I can’t lose you too.”

“Sometimes people just grow apart.”

“It’s been four days, Karkat.”  You beg, wiping your nose on your wrist.  “Please don’t leave me I love you so much.” 

“I know.”  He answers and lifts you up so you’re standing just in front of him.  “I love you too, but it’s not working out.  Go home, Love, and stay there.”  You let out a small whimper and nod.  “Do you know which way home is?”

“Home’s with you.”  You say towards the ground.  He sighs and puts a hand on your back to lead you out.

 

You walk about three feet behind Karkat as he leads you through the forest.  Every twenty seconds or so he turns around to make sure that you’re still there and you really wish he wouldn’t.  Your face has got to be a red puffy mess by now and you can’t make it stop for long enough to compose yourself.

The closer you get to the soft muffled sounds of town the faster your breathing becomes.  Karkat tells you to try to steady your breaths but it doesn’t work.  His words drill into your head as a painful reminder that you’re about to hear his voice for the last time in your life.  You begin to cry again. 

Ten trees away from town he sticks his hand out towards you and tells you goodbye.  You glance down to his hand then up at his face.  You remind him that you never stopped loving him, and never think you will, then walk off without shaking his hand.  You don’t need any added weight like the vivid memory of his skin and how you’ll never feel it again hanging over your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry you had to read that


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so junk is gonna go down pretty quickly in my life real real soon, so I can guarantee no new chapter until late November because my focus is going to be elsewhere.  
> I quickly pooped this chapter out so that I could say that, actually.  
> Feel free to message me with ideas you have if you wanna, or just requests like 'more fluff' or 'make them fuck', junk like that since I'll have time to play with everything around in my mind when I finish my exams early since I won't be answering half of the questions.  
> Anyway, sorry if this somehow inconveniences some of you.

Bro’s very sympathetic.  He invites you into his bed and lets you cry yourself stupid while he rubs your back.  He encourages you to take a nap when you finally stop crying, and you think that is the best idea you’ve ever heard.  You curl up into his crisp sheets and bury most of your head under, too, to hide.

You’re not sure how long you’re asleep, but you’re woken up by yelling.  Dave’s shouts are louder than Bro’s, but you can tell they’re both really angry.  You reluctantly roll out of Bro’s bed and wander into the kitchen.  Bro notices you and motions you over but you don’t move.

“How do you feel?”  He asks instead, placing his hand over Dave’s mouth. 

“I love you.”  You answer, feeling unnaturally grateful that he hasn’t left you yet like everyone else.

“I love you, too.”  He grins and takes his hand away from Dave.

“He feels horny.”  Dave translates.  Bro brings his hand up and smacks the back of Dave’s head which sets off the shouting again.  They’re arguing about you and how Dave treats you like shit now.  You walk around them, heading for the door, but Bro grabs your shirt and pulls you literally into the middle of their fight.

“Look what you’ve done to him!”  He shouts, grabbing your head and moving it back and forth.  “He was in there crying like a little baby and you don’t even care!  He’s your best friend!”

“He’s not my best friend!”  Dave yells back.  “Best friends don’t date best friend’s bothers.”

“Best friends don’t tell on them to their fathers, you prick!”  You scream.

“You’re the prick!”  He tackles your waist, pushing you back into Bro. 

You pull at his hair and tear his glasses off of his face, throwing them against the wall.  Bro shoves his hands under your arms and lifts you up off of the floor, but you move your arms straight up so you can slide out of his grip.  Dave grabs a fist of your hair when you land on the floor and pushes your head down, ramming his knee into your face.  Your glasses fly off of your face as you make the most unattractive noise known to man.  He manages to masterfully aim his knee into your nose a second time just a moment before Bro picks you up again.  There’s a sound like an egg being smashed onto a tabletop and your nose begins to bleed down your neck and into your shirt.

“David!”  Bro cries.  He places you down and takes off his shirt, scrunching it up and placing it against your nose.  Dave reaches for the shirt and pulls it away from you.  “Go to your room!”  Bro scolds after he brings the back of his hand across Dave’s face.  “And don’t even think about coming out for a month!”  He glares at Dave as he leaves then picks up the shirt and shows you out.  “Do you still have that cream?”  He asks as he holds the shirt to your nose and rushes down the street with you.

 

Your head feels like it’s made of heated steal.  It’s incredibly heavy and feels like it’s on fire.  The edges of your vision turn white and fuzzy no matter how many times you blink.  You vaguely see Bro’s face in front of you and reach up for the added pressure to your nose before everything gets engulfed in the white.  It parts within a second to reveal a plain room with the familiar face of your doctor.

You blink and shake your head, but it makes your nose hurt.  You hear feint mumbling and look towards it.  Your father’s talking to you, you think.  He’s handing you something.  You flinch when he touches your face and everything turns back to normal.  He wasn’t handing you anything.  He was bringing a damp rag up to your face to clean it.

“There doesn’t appear to be anything drastically out of place,” The doctor says, looking at x-rays you didn’t even know you took.  “Just a lot of blood.  He should be fine.  Give it time and the fractures will heal themselves.  Now you,” He points to your face.  “You seem to be getting yourself into a lot of trouble recently, young man.  I want you to be more careful.” 

“He will be.”  Your dad answers automatically.

“Did you fall again?”  The doctor asks.

“I’m tired.”  You say, ignoring his question and grabbing your father’s arm.  “Can we go home?”

 

You end up having to explain what happened on the ride back home.  Your dad makes Bro drive the horses so you two can talk in the back.  You tell him that Dave is a little upset about you and Bro and that you’re no longer friends but you don’t care, even though you actually kind of do.  He hugs you, kisses the top of your head, and tells you he’s proud of you for being strong about the whole ordeal.  You had every intention of holding a grudge against him for being cold to you earlier, but something about his embrace makes that impossible.  You mentally forgive him.

Bro leaves when he makes it to your house.  Your father makes you a fruit salad, then feeds you again in another hour.  You ask him why he’s feeding you so much and he says it’s because he loves you.  You decide that’s all that matters.  You don’t need anyone else for a while, but that doesn’t stop you from still being in love with Karkat.

Rather than engulfing yourself in darkness and crying until you don’t have the energy to stay awake, you pleasure yourself to the thought of Karkat before you go to bed.  Your father was right.  You are strong and you can hold your head up high, even if that includes your holding your dick up high too.

 

School is rough.  Bro must have only put cream on your nose because the area around it is all purple when you wake up.  You put the cream on as much as you can handle because it hurts too touch.  When you walk up to the girls in the morning Dave asks you what you think you’re doing.  You tell him to fuck off and he takes a swing at you.

Rose sits with you at a different table to Dave and Jade at lunch.  She already knows what’s happened because Dave was being cocky and bragging to them that he broke your nose.  He was bragging about it to everyone apparently, even to your bully.

After school your bully and his two friends find you.  They beat you because Dave is no longer going to protect you.  You let them do it.  It’s like you’re finally being punished for fucking everything up and you kind of like it.  You feel like it will be the final step, like when you were little and did something wrong.  Your dad would punish you by lightly tapping your bottom then it would all be over and everything would go back to normal.  You hope it works, though you have a bad track record recently.

 

At home you don’t bother putting cream on areas that are likely to bruise.  Your clothes will cover it all nicely, and you want it to hurt to keep your mind off Karkat.  Your father hugs and kisses you when you come downstairs for work, which you like.  At least one aspect of your life is back to normal.  You wonder if things will go back to normal with Dave if you pretend-break up with Bro.

“I love you, son.”  He says, leading you to the register. 

“I love you too, dad.”  You answer, grinning up at him.

 

Falling back into the normal cycle of things, your father goes upstairs to discuss some more with the to-be couple.  You happily serve anyone that comes in, but then Dave comes in with your bully.  Your stomach turns to ice and you take a step back.  They walk up to the counter talking about how Dave broke your nose.

“How do you break someone’s nose?”  Your bully asks as Dave scoots up to sit on the counter.  “I can’t punch the face, it hurts my hand.”

“You don’t use your hand.”  Dave explains.  He spins himself around so he’s facing you then gets of the counter.  “You grab their head like this.”  He grips your hair like he did yesterday.  You try to squirm out of his grip but he just grips you harder.  “And you bring their head down as you lift your knee up.”  He tries to push your head down but you force against his hand to stay up.  “John,” He warns.  “You let me demonstrate or I’ll do it for real.”

“You’re supposed to be my best friend.”  You whisper.  He shrugs and puts pressure on your head to push it down.  You slowly go down with his hand and he slowly brings up his knee.

“Why don’t you hit him again?”  Your bully asks, walking around the counter to stand next to Dave.

“Because I don’t want the cameras to see me.”  He lets go of your hair and you stand up, taking another step back.  “Even though my brother’s picking him over me, I’m sure papa Egbert has no clue I broke his kid’s nose.”

“Why is your brother picking this snot?”

“They’re fucking?”  Dave says like it’s obvious.  You hold your breath and brace yourself.

“Well,” Your bully answers after a moment of insane silence.  “My dad, you see, he has this rule, Dave.  He sits me down and says, son, there are people in this world who go against what the Good Lord teaches, and it is up to us to show them the right way.”

“That’s beautiful, man.”  Dave says.

“Mhm it is.”

“There’s not much we can do about being gay, though.  It’s not like we can show him a vagina and make him fall in love with it.”

“We can beat it out of him.”  They look at each other for a moment then Dave shrugs in agreement.  You back up and run into counter at the same moment a little elderly lady walks in.  The three of you watch her as she hobbles up to the counter.

“I’d like a cake for my grandson’s birthday tomorrow.”  She chimes.  You glance over to your now two bullies as they take their leave.  Dave doesn’t turn to look at you, but the other tells you to watch your back just before he steps out of the door. 

“Sure.”  You say in a weak voice after a moment of staring at the door.  You clear your throat and try again.  “What would you like on it?”

With her instructions, you plan out what the cake is going to look like.  It’s a simple one, so you should be able to do it yourself, but you don’t want her to leave the shop, so you begin suggesting different designs and colours for her.  She hates all of them but you keep telling her your ideas are better.  They are, blue goes much nicer with orange, but she’s sure her grandson will appreciate blue and brown.  You think she thinks brown means it will taste like chocolate.  You wait for another five minutes to pass before you tell her you can make any colour taste chocolate.  She then agrees with orange and leaves.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy my poop my children.  
> i didn't want to make it too much of a downer since you all had to wait so long, so it randomly turns then turns again and again and again.  
> basically what happened is exams have cooked my brain and i'm just laughing as this story falls apart around me.

You wake up for school with a twisted stomach.  You don’t quite know why but then you remember your threat.  Despite being scared shitless, you decide to go hop into the shower, sure your feeling of discomfort will pass you by.  Dripping water all over the floor when you step out, you stare at your face in the mirror, trying to calm yourself down by pep talking yourself, but it doesn’t work.  You’re still worried.

You don’t eat your breakfast, just move it around absently.  Your stomach feels like a hole, like it’s not there anymore.  You tell your dad that you feel deathly ill and want to stay home, but he dismisses you when he feels your forehead.  You follow him around and beg him to let you stay home until he asks if the real reason you want to stay home is because you’re upset that you and Dave aren’t friends.  You nod because that’s close enough to the truth, and he allows this.  You thank him and run into your room where you take off all your clothes and hang out in a pair of boxers Bro bought you.

An hour later you get a little hungry.  You guess now that you know you’re safe your stomach is fine with being filled.  You begin to lightly brown some break in the oven when you get distracted by the set of knives sitting on the counter.  You don’t see why a sharp object couldn’t help you escape your problems, if a sharp object could help Karkat escape his problems.

You pick up a knife and examine it.  You don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not even really that emotional you just kind of want a part of him.  It’s going to hurt, you know it’s going to hurt but no one is going to care.  Bro might, you decide, but with Dave talking trash about you he’d soon get over it.  Your dad would be glad.  Mr. Egbert and his no longer son.  People would buy cakes out of sympathy.  He’d be too distracted about the profit to even notice.  Roxy and Rose could move in since Rose would have a bedroom to live in now.  Everyone would be happier.

You put the tip of the knife to your wrist and bring it down.  It stings and it’s heavy.  After a couple inches you drop the knife and lean up against the sink.  Laughter erupts from some unknown cynical-bastard core inside of you.  Your body feels light and you pick at the skin to open the cut wider.  It feels amazing.  Your vision goes blurry, but not blurry enough to miss the figure before you.  You grin and move your wrist towards them like you’re showing off some prize, and they must like it too because they grab it and begin dragging you away.  It gets brighter where ever they’re taking you and you’ve never felt more at home.

They lay you on something soft and it makes you more tired than you already were.  Your eyes slide shut and your head lops to the right, toward the figure, but they slap you.  They do it every time you close your eyes so you stop trying to sleep.  Your wrist stops tingling when they touch it.  It loses the excess weight and feels normal again.  Your body refuses to move, though.  You can’t move your gaze or gasp for air or twitch your fingers until your body harshly jolts forward like when you’re asleep and think you’re falling.

Your gaze becomes clear again and you glance toward the figure.  They pull you into a hug and cry onto your shoulder.  You’re in your bedroom sitting on your bed.  Your wrist is scared.

“It’s okay.”  You whisper, looking away from your wrist.  “Don’t cry.”

“Don’t kill yourself.”  Karkat orders.  “John, fucking shit.”  He holds you out at arm’s length.  “What were you thinking?”

“Karkat everyone would be happi-”

“Do I look happy to you?”  He snaps.  You bring your hands up and wipe at the red streaks on his cheeks.  “John why would that please me?”

“I’d forget about you.”  Tears begin to drop out of your own eyes.  “Just like you asked me to.”  He makes a small squeak and pulls you into another hug.  “I would have died if I went to school today anyway, because some boys want to kill me, so it’s not like the outcome would be any different.”

“But it is different.”

“Why did you come here?”

 “I came here for this.”  He sits back and grabs a note off of your bedside table.  “But then I heard you laughing and I-” He gulps.  “John, just read the note please, so you know.” 

“John.”  You read.  “I realize I have inappropriately and prematurely ended our relationship because I acted like a whiney asshole.”  You glance up to Karkat then back down to the note.  “I do not blame you if you cannot find it within yourself to forgive me, however, if you can forgive me, tomorrow at noon I will be waiting at our tree for you.  I love you.  Karkat.”

You stare at the note, specifically the last line.  He loves you?  Your last encounter with him proved the exact opposite of that.  He hates you.  He wants to hit you.  There is zero chance that he loves you. 

“John.”  He says to break the silence.  “Should I leave?”

“No, I want you to stay.  I’ve always wanted you to stay.”

 

You put on clothes and take your bed sheets to the bathroom sink to try your best to wash out the blood.  You explain to Karkat what you meant by boys wanting to kill you.  You tell him how Dave broke your nose and lift up your shirt to show him the bruises you got from being beat up.  From then he constantly kisses your face and tells you that he loves you.  It’s really nice, and you tell him you’re sorry for trying to kill yourself then crush your lips to his.

It’s the most awkward kiss you have ever experienced.  You both try to kiss in different fashions.  You just want to crush your lips to his so hard that they fuse together, and he apparently wants to drown you in spit.  When he figures out you’re not going to open your mouth for him he takes his tongue down along your neck.

“What are you doing, beautiful?”  You ask.

“You’re upset.  Dirk told me something to do whenever you’re upset to cheer you up.”

 

The wet kisses along your neck soon become wet kisses down south.  You were planning on telling him that you’re not really all that upset, and that you were just having a very very bad moment and you didn’t even want to die that much, but you decide against telling him that.  There’s nothing wrong with being cheered up, especially if it means sexual contact.

You find out that if you run your fingers through Karkat’s hair and over his horns he’ll purr for you.  It’s great, it’s really really great, but it stops working half way through when he gets distracted and backs his mouth away from you.

“Do you smell burning?”  He asks.

“No.”  You pant.  “Keep going.”

“Your face is really red.  Maybe you’re getting kind of hot because your house is burning down.”

“You know why I’m getting kind of hot.  It’s not because-” You take in a deep breath through your nose and smell the burning.  Burnt toast.  “Oh, it’s just my breakfast.  Keep going.  Please.  I need cheering up.”

“You haven’t eaten?”  He smirks.  “Well let’s go feed you.”

“Karkat, no.  I’m not hungry, I’m horny.”

“So am I.”  He points to his head.  “Besides, there’s a hell of a mess in there we’ve got to clean up.”

“After, after, come on.  Why are you doing this?”

“Kinda fun to have you beg, to be honest.”

“Oh fuck.”  You mumble under your breath.  “Karkat.”  You whine, bringing a finger up the side of his face.  “I really need you to do this for me.”

“Do what?”  He grins and gnaws on his lip, but you don’t think he’s trying to be sexy to play along.  You think he is legitimately getting turned on.

“Honey,” You duck down to whisper in his ear.  There’s no harm in indulging your boyfriend’s kinks if it allows you to cheer up even though you weren’t really that upset in the first place you were just being stupid, right?  “I need you to watch the teeth and turn me into hot, sweaty, clammy putty in your hands as I shriek out your name.  Can you do that for me babe?”  You lick his ear and with that you get your wish.

 

You don’t offer to return the favour.  There’s two reasons for that.  The first is he was right, there’s bound to be a hell of a mess you need to clean up before your dad finds it, and the second, and most influential, is you really don’t want to get your mouth down there and drown yourself.

 

A large, sickening, red/black puddle of blood awaits you when you step into the kitchen.  You can’t believe all the blood in the puddle, dripped along the floor leading toward your bedroom, and the blood drenched in your bed sheets really came from you.  It seems like a little too much for such a small boy.  Well, you’re not really that small, and any amount of blood looks like a lot to you, so this could really be a little amount of blood, but nonetheless you stare motionless.

It takes forty minutes to get the house basically spotless of blood.  You don’t think your father will really notice any of the stains, not unless he knew they were there in the first place.  You managed to ruin two towels in the process though, not even thinking that the blood wouldn’t come out like it’s not with your bed sheets.  You’ll have to throw the towels out and tell your dad that Rose came over and had a womanly accident on your bed.

“I’m sorry about all this.”  You say to Karkat as the two of you ring your sheets out in the bathtub.  “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“No you shouldn’t have, but I understand where you’re coming from.  I did it too, after all.”

 

With all the water out of the sheets you go back into your bedroom to make your bed.  It’s kind of damp, but nothing air can’t deal with.  Karkat doesn’t know how to make a bed so he just sits on the floor and watches you, which is okay because it means when you’re done you can sit and watch him too and you really missed his face.

You watch his beautiful smile fade as he presses his ear up against your door.  He says your father’s coming and retreats to the other side of your bed so he’s not visible from the doorway.  The door swings open and Dave and your bully waltz in.

Your stomach drops and your heart beats painfully in your chest.  You reach your hand down to grab for Karkat’s as Dave pushes your bully up against the wall.  Karkat grabs your hand and runs you to your door before you can even comprehend what Dave is doing.  You get shoved out and the door slammed in your face.

There’s a thud then Karkat starts yelling.  His words are lined with hisses or something; you can’t quite place your finger on it.  You’ve never heard anyone shout so loud.  You’re even scared from out in the hallway.

“Who broke his nose!”  He snarls.  You open the door but it gets slammed shut on you again.  “I’ll kill you both!  Who hurt him!”  There’s a small pause before his fist flies through your door.  Splinters of wood splash over your face.

“Karkat!”  You shout.

“Shit.”  He pulls his arm back then peers through the hole.  His voice is suddenly as calm as casual conversation.  “Love did I hit you?” 

“No.  Let me in and keep it down.  My dad heard you.”  He sticks his arm through the hole again and flaps it around in the air searching for you.  You sigh and grab his hand then open the door since he can’t slam it shut on you now.

There’s a crack in your far wall near where Dave’s standing.  Your bully, standing on the other side of your bed, has the front of his pants all wet.  You laugh a little but don’t judge him too harshly.  You were about to shit your pants when you heard Karkat shouting.

“Which one broke your nose?”  Karkat whispers to you, brushing your hair out of your face.

“The blonde kid.”  You say.  You glance over to Dave and grab Karkat’s arm so he doesn’t move.  “We were just roughhousing, though.  He didn’t mean it.”

“Sounded like he meant it when you were explaining it to me earlier.”

“Okay, but he’s sorry now.”

“Yes,” Karkat grins.  “Because he’s scared.  Could you go back outside now, Love?”

“No.  Not without him.”  You let go of his arm and raise it in Dave’s direction.  “Come on, Dave, let’s go.”  Dave hesitates then slowly begins walking towards you.  “Don’t make a racket.”  You warn Karkat.  “My dad already heard you yell that you’re going to kill someone.  I don’t want him-”

“I won’t yell anymore.”  He promises.  He grabs Dave’s shoulders and turns him around so he walks back over to the corner.  You follow and grab Dave’s hand.  His palms are soaked with sweat and despite all that he’s done to you, you feel really sorry for him.

You pull him out of your bedroom then he starts running.  He runs to the staircase and jumps down them, dragging you along behind him.  He runs straight out of your shop.  He runs until you’re standing outside of his house.

“You’re welcome.”  You snap.

“So you’re the troll whisperer now?”  He snaps back.  “Why wasn’t it trying to tear your throat out?”

“He.”  You correct.  “And that’s none of your business why he wasn’t trying to attack me.” 

“Will you please stop this?”  He complains, storming into the house.  “It’s not funny anymore.  Actually, it’s never been funny.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re pretending that we’re not friends.”

“Um, no I’m not.”  You pull for your hand and he pulls it back.  “I’m not pretending anything, I’m just living with what you’ve given me.  I didn’t have to save you from him, you know.”

“Um, yes you did.”  He mocks.  “John we’re best friends, we watch out for each other.”

“Since when were we still best friends?  You broke my nose and came to my house to beat the sexual orientation out of me.  You hate me.”

“Why aren’t you two at school?”  Bro asks from the couch.  “Did he just say you were going to beat him for being gay?”

“Uh,” Dave looks to you then Bro.  “Yes he did, but he was lying.” 

“David Strider.”  Bro scolds.  He walks up to you and splits your hands apart.

“I wasn’t going to!”  Dave defends.  “I get it, you’re both gay together and I honestly don’t give a fuck, but that asshole that beats him up back there does, and the only way I could get him to trust me was to play along!”

“You were fraternising with the dick that makes his life hell?  That’s not what friends do, Dave.  You’re supposed to be building up John’s trust, not his bully’s.”

“He does trust me.  We’ve got this big ol’ fat trust going on between us, don’t we, John?”

“I stayed home from school.”  You say.  “Because I was scared of you.  I told my dad I was sick so I wouldn’t get beat up by my best friend.”

“But I’m still your best friend, right?”  He attempts to grin.  “We’ll always be best friends.  Just, shut up, that’s not the point.  Bro, there’s a troll in John’s room and it was trying to kill me!”

“He.”  Bro corrects.  “And maybe he was trying to kill you because you were going to beat the gay out of his boyfriend.”

“Uh, actually, Bro, he doesn’t know that yet . . .”

 

You take Dave back to your house.  You don’t elaborate on anything Bro said, so he’s full of questions, most of which are asking why none of you have a weapon.  You wonder if hanging out with new people has made him a little more thick than he used to be.

Your father actually sees you this time when you walk into the shop.  He wonders why and how you got out of the house, which is reasonable, since you’re supposed to be too sick to even go to school.  Bro goes up and distracts him so you and Dave can go upstairs and meet Karkat, your boyfriend, as opposed to It, the troll.

Dave sits at your kitchen table while you go to get Karkat.  He’s standing with his head sticking out of your window when you walk in, and that wouldn’t be as suspicious as it is if he wasn’t the only person in the room.

“What’d you do?”  You ask.

“Nothing.”  Karkat says, coming back into your room.  “I turned around for two seconds and he leaped out the window.  What’d you do with the blonde kid?”

“He’s waiting out here to meet you.”    You walk up to your window and peer out.  Your backyard is empty.  He must have run away.  Too bad.  You were kind of hoping he’d be in too much pain to move once Karkat’s done with him, but it doesn’t even look like he broke skin.  There’s no blood anywhere.  “Good job at keeping my room clean, though.”

“Thank you.  What do you mean he’s waiting to meet me?”

“You’re my boyfriend and I love you and he needs to know.  Bro sort of already brought it up, so we’re backed into a corner about this.”  You lace your fingers with his and give him a quick kiss.  “Nothing will go wrong, not like with Bro.  Dave’s a pussy.”

 

You sit on Karkat’s lap at the kitchen table because Dave doesn’t like the idea that nothing is keeping Karkat in his chair when you’re all sitting in one each.  See?  Pussy.  You explain to him that you met Karkat during the troll hunt into the forest and he saved your life, then you kept seeing each other and you started liking him.

“So you’re not fucking my brother?”  Dave asks.  “You’re fucking this troll?”

“His name’s Karkat,” You remind him.  “And essentially.  We’re not fucking yet, though.”

“Yet.”  Karkat whispers in your ear. 

“John I don’t know about this.  He’s a troll.”

“Dave shut up.”  Bro calls out.  You turn to see him standing at the top of the stairs with your dad, whose eyes are covered with a cloth.  You gulp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaahHAHAHAHAHA  
> i'm going to bed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's PoV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr user heidmaan requested that I put in a chapter in Karkat's point of view to see what was happening with him (happening with him after the break up I believe?) but I had already started writing the next chapter by time I saw that message, so I threw in Karkat's PoV here, I hope that's still okay.

John stiffens in your lap, so you hold onto his waist a little tighter for comfort.  You don’t like how all these humans never take his opinions into consideration.  Clearly he doesn’t want his elder to know about you, and you can see why.  You were a little hesitant to introduce John to your friends yourself, because you were unsure how they would react, but John knows how humans react.  They react poorly.  They leave him just like you did.

Dirk leads John’s father over to the table and stands behind the blonde boy.  They look remarkably similar, so they must have the relationship John has with this blinded human.  John is instructed to explain “the situation”, by which you think Dirk means you.

“Dad,” He begins while his hand rests onto yours.  “I kind of, uh, I kind of think you should be downstairs baking.”  He glances up at you then back at his father.  Fuck is he adorable when he’s unsure of himself.  You duck down and press your lips to the top of his head.

“Don’t give me that.”  The blinded human says.  “Dirk pulled me up here for a good reason and I’d like to know what it is.  If you could start off with why I’m blindfolded, son, that’d be great.”

“You’re blindfolded because we’re a judgemental race.”  Dirk explains.  Judgemental is a bit of an understatement, but you let it slide.  “Just listen to your boy.”

John doesn’t talk.  He looks up to you with his eyebrows pulled together and worry shining in his beautiful blue eyes.  You press a quick kiss onto his lips which he leans into a moment too late, and take him up on his silent offer.

“Sir,” You say.  “I love John with all of my heart and I can tell your reaction is going to mean the world to him.  I would do anything for this boy, but unfortunately leaving him is not one of them, and I promise that’s what you’re going to want me to do.  That’s what everyone wants me to do, but the thing is, it isn’t about what everyone else wants to happen.  It’s about what John wants to happen.  So before you take off that rag and see who I am, listen to John and what he has to say because his opinion means the most.  He knows what he’s doing.  He doesn’t need to be talked down to because of his choices.  Please, as his father, be a little more accepting.”

“Accepting of what?”  He asks.  You roll your eyes.  What does he think you mean?  You made it pretty obvious that you’re in love with John, so clearly you’re asking him to accept you as a couple.

“I’ve been lying to you.”  John mumbles.  “I told you I was dating Bro so you wouldn’t get suspicious of Karkat and I.”  Oh.  You never knew about that.  “I love Bro, I do, just not like that.  I love Karkat like that, and he loves me like that and it would be great if you were okay with that.”

“Oh, John, I’ve never been so relieved to hear you were lying to me.”  He reaches across the table for some reason.  John takes his hand off of yours and places it on his father’s.  “So why aren’t I allowed to see him?  Is it someone I won’t approve of?”  You’re pretty sure you already told him that.  “It’s the kid that picks on you, isn’t it?”

“Hey, that’s what I thought too!”  Dirk chimes.  You don’t really see how that’s all that entertaining.  “Just remember to judge on how happy they look, and not on how he looks, alright?  He loves your boy so trust him.”  John takes his hand back to squeeze yours while Dirk fiddles with the rag blinding the human.  You wish there was something you could do to make this easier on John, but you’re the sole reason it’s not easy for him.

His father is smiling until his eyes fall onto you.  You’re pretty sure you saw the disappointment flash brightly across his eyes.  Oh wait, there it is.  Lingering.  It’s kind of offensive, you think, you mean, you’re not that bad.  You’re just a different species is all.  Okay, he really needs to stop pulling that face.  It’s gone on much too long.

“That’s not funny.”  John’s father says.  “Take off the makeup.”

“Dad no-one is wearing makeup.  He’s a real troll.”

“A real troll?”  He laughs and looks up at Dirk.  “Dirk you let a troll into my house?  You let my son sit on a troll’s lap?  John!”  John flinches and elbows you in the stomach by accident.  “Get off of that troll and over here this instant, young man.  This better be a joke.”

“I-It’s not a joke.”  John stammers.  “I love him, dad, and I’m not going to stop.  I’m sor-”

“John Egbert I’m not going to tell you again.  Get over here.  Need I remind you what happened to your mother?  That thing has probably killed dozens of us and it’s not going to hesitate to kill a few more.”

“I haven’t killed since the moment I met John.”  You say.  “I’m not going to kill any of you, either, no matter how much I want to.”

“John I’m going to count to three.”  He lifts up his hand, holding up three fingers.  “One.”  He puts the first finger down.  “Two.”  You hate to admit it, but that stubborn asshole human is actually getting you a little nervous.  Kanaya used to count to three when you were refusing to do something she wanted, and damn, you do not want to see that girl angry.  You lift John up off of your lap but he sits back down.  “Three.”  John’s father holds up his empty fist for a long moment before placing it down gently on the table top.

“I’m not a child anymore, dad.”  John says while he wraps his arms around your neck.  “Counting to three isn’t going to scare me.”  He smirks and kisses you.  Dirk hides his face in his hand while his little blonde son gapes.  You tell yourself you’re only kissing back to help in John’s little rebellion, but really you’re just greedy.   

John’s father pulls John off of your lap, which now you’re going to decide was the real reason you started kissing him.  You wipe your mouth off on your wrist and glace over to Dirk.  He’s shaking his head no at you, so you clear your throat and stop smiling to yourself. 

“Sir, I’m not going to hurt John.”  You say, getting up from the table.  “I wouldn’t dare.”

“Leave.”  He snaps at John.  “You’re no son of mine if you’re going to love a troll.”

“That’s not funny, dad.”

“I want you out.”

“Fine!”  John screams.  “I don’t want to live here anyway!  You’re a dickhead and I hate you!  I don’t know why I constantly forgive you.”  He grabs your hand and leads you over to the stairs, but you pull away from him.  Just because he’s upset now doesn’t mean you’re going to blindly let him expose you to everyone.  “I told you everyone would be happier.”  He whispers.  “I’ll meet you just inside the forest, alright?”

You don’t answer.  You just watch him walk down the stairs.  You’re not too sure what you can do, or even if you should do something.  He’s in no danger.  He knows where he’s going and he doesn’t want to die, he just wants to leave his ass of a father for a little while, which is something you’d want to do too.  You still ask Dirk if he can go keep him company though.

“Dave go.”  Dirk says, poking the blonde boy.  Dave glances to you then shuffles over to the staircase.

“I’m sorry for scaring you earlier.”  You say.  “I didn’t know what you meant to him.”

“I didn’t know someone was already planning to fuck that asshole over.”  He replies.  “You’re alright, troll.”  You smile at him without showing your teeth then walk over to John’s father.

“I want you to leave and never return.”  He says, but you simply roll your eyes and walk over to the bag of garbage John was going to throw out before you reminded him of his soaking bed sheets. 

“May I ask you a few questions, sir?”  You tear open the plastic bag and grab the blood stained cloths.  “What’re these?”  You ask.

“What’d you do?”  He accuses.

“What are these?”  You repeat.

“My ruined-”

“Wrong.”  You point to the stain on the floor.  “What’s that?”

“My dirty flo-”

“Wrong.”  You grab his arm and lead him into John’s room.  “What’s that?”  You point to John’s bed.

“My-”

“Wrong.”  You throw the cloths at his face.  “Sir, all three of these things have something in common but the fact that they are yours is not it.  You certainly play a large role in the act that caused it, I have no doubt about that from what I just saw, but no, they are not yours.  They are all stained by the blood that poured from your son’s wrist earlier today after he tried to escape, if you know what I’m saying.”

“John tried-”

“And then you have the nerve to tell him he doesn’t belong here because of who I am!”  You yell.  “How do you think it makes him feel to know everyone in his life doesn’t accept him?  Well I guess you don’t have to guess, it’s written all over _your_ fucking belongings.”

“Why is there blood everywhere?”  Dirk asks, resting his hand on John’s father’s shoulder.  You didn’t even see him follow you into John’s room.  “Why is it in two rooms instead of one?  What’d you do?”

“Dirk, I didn’t do anything.”  You sit down on the bed and pull your legs up to your chest.  “I brought him in here when I was searching for the cream so he wouldn’t die on me.  He cut really deep and kinda long.  He kept trying to sleep but I couldn’t find the cream.”  You take in a slow, deep breath to try to calm yourself so you don’t start crying again.  “I thought he died for a moment.  His body went limp and he was just staring blankly at nothing.”

 

Dirk leads John’s dad over to sit on the bed.  His movements are stiff, and he stares like John did, only this human blinks and breathes.  He asks if John said why he tried and begins crying.  You feel bad for telling him about it.  He didn’t have to know.  You were just angry and wanted him to understand he needs to stop treating John like shit.

“He didn’t say a lot, just that everyone would be happier.  I told him that I wasn’t happy about having to find him like that, but how was he supposed to know I wouldn’t be?  I got rid of him because I couldn’t admit to myself that I was being a whiney piece of fuck.”

“And Dave broke his nose because he thought we were dating.”  Dirk adds.  “And you shipped him off because you thought I was dating him.  We all got rid of him.  Well not me, I didn’t do anything to fuck up his life like you guys did.”

“So,” John’s father says.  “What you’re saying is if John didn’t know the troll he’d be happy.  He wouldn’t have had to lie to me and no-one would be angry with him.”  He looks at you and smiles.  “Then the solution is simple.  It’s what I said originally.  Get out of my house and don’t return.”

You sigh and leave the bedroom.  There’s no point of you staying if there’s no way to convince that man to let you stay with John, though he isn’t wrong.  If you weren’t in John’s life he wouldn’t have even had the idea to cut down his wrist, but also, it’s because you came back into his life that he’s alive.  Blegh.  It cancels out too much, so you ignore it.  He loves you and that’s the only fact that matters.

You walk into the other bedroom and grab the hat and search for the cream that makes you look like a human.  The two of them can sit in John’s room and cry over mistakes he’s done but you’re-

“Get out of my room.”

Holy fuck.

“No.  I’m going to find your son and take him home with me since you don’t want him anymore.”

“I don’t want you seeing him.”

“You’re not listening!  Yes, I fucked up and created a series of events which ultimately lead to his downfall, but guess who also built him up within an hour?”  You point to your face.  “This guy, alright?  By making me leave all you’re doing is tearing down his life again and as we have fucking discovered you thick fuck, he does not deal with a fucked up life that well.”  He tries to reply so you grab his throat and squeeze it lightly, just enough to be threatening.

“Karkat!”  Dirk shouts.  He runs over and tries to pry your fingers off of the asshole’s neck, but it only makes you a little bit more eager to tighten your grip.

“He’s a kid.”  You tell the father.  “Give him some space.  I’m taking him for a day.”  You throw him onto the bed.  “Dirk, where is the faux skin?”

 

Between Dirk telling you to stay and John’s father telling you to leave, your brain just about leaks out your ears.  You tune them out and search through John’s belongings to try to find something that will let you out in public.  He doesn’t own a hat or any faux skin, so you tuck your hands into your sleeves and throw one of his shirts over your head.  Neither adults follow you when you walk calmly out of John’s room and down the stairs.  You kind of wish they did because the last time you were in the open a crowd of men were trying to kill you, and you’re kind of worried it will happen again.

You keep your head down so no one notices your skin, though you have to look up and lift the shirt every now and again to see where you’re going.  A few people stare at you oddly when you lift the shirt, and you wonder if that’s because they know you’re not human or because you have a shirt over your head.  You also wonder where John went.  It seems logical that he went to Dirk’s house since the Dave human went with him, but you haven’t a clue which way that is, or which way back is.

“Are you alright, dear?”  You lower the shirt back over your face.  “You seem very frantic, are you lost?”

“Yes, but I’ll be fine, ma’am, thank you.”  You politely smile at her even though she can’t see your face.  Sometimes you wonder how someone as stupid as you has managed to live this long.

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand you under that.  Where are you headed?”  She grabs the patchy fabric draping over your face and slides it off.  It floats to the floor as her scream echoes around the buildings.  She picks up her daughter, who lets go of her sandwich, and runs back down the street.  Others notice you too and soon all you can hear is screams.

At least John will find you now.

You pick up John’s shirt and continue walking down the street.  It’s suddenly empty, and when you do happen to catch a glimpse of someone, they quickly run into the nearest building.  You use the window of a building to fix your hair.  You don’t necessarily style it, but when the lady pulled the shirt off of you it made a few locks sit uncomfortably.

“I heard talk about a troll in town and I thought, Lord, please don’t let that be my troll.”  You turn to John as he walks up to you.

“Your troll?”  You smile, grabbing one of his hands and pulling him towards you.  

“Yes.”  He tries to frown but the corners of his mouth twitch up.  “I thought my troll couldn’t possibly be stupid enough to expose himself but here we are.” 

“I’m having one of those days.”  You lean in to kiss him but he backs away.  “Love, what’s wr-”

“There!”  You and John turn to the five men standing with various weapons.  You can’t decide if you love or hate how humans announce when they’re about to attack.

“Hostage, hostage, hostage.”  John whispers as he presses his back into you.  You let go of his hand and pin him against you.

“I uh, I have a hostage!”  You shout back.  “I’ll tear out his jugular!”  You open your mouth and hover your teeth over John’s neck.  It’s amazing how you feel even more stupid than you did before.

“Are you John Egbert?”  One of the five say.  You force out a hiss but make no attempt to bite down.  “It’s a bluff!  John Egbert is the only one a troll would spare.  He hobnobs with them!”

“I what?”  John asks lightly.

“What?”  You laugh.  “That sounds painful, Love.  You might wanna stop.”  You heave him up over your shoulder still laughing and begin running down the street.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dum di dum ~
> 
> the chapter's actually been sitting here for six days or so, i just really couldn't be fucked uploading it.

You have to tell Karkat which way to turn to find his way out.  He keeps turning around to see if you’re being followed which causes you to crash because he doesn’t bother to slow down his speed when he does so, but you make it out.  He apologises for exposing himself and tells you that he loves you.  You tell him you love him too and that it’s alright, though it really isn’t and you wish he was a bit more careful.

“So I was thinking you can come live with me.”  He says, leading you through the forest.  He’s rushing so you don’t have time to notice all the roots and twigs and trip a lot.  “You might have to get used to getting around, but I think you’ll manage.”

“What’d my dad say?”  You ask instead.  “Does he like you?”

“Not exactly.”  He lifts you up over a log you could have easily overcome yourself.  “I did something bad, but let’s not talk about it.”

“You didn’t tell my dad about how you found me this morning, did you?”  You wrap your arms around his neck and give him a quick kiss before you jump back down to the ground.

“I didn’t mean to.  It just kind of happened.”  He glances to you then up at the treetops.  “I was angry and I knew he wouldn’t be persuaded unless there was a really really good reason for me to be in your life.  Apparently saving it isn’t a good enough reason, though, because he blames me for the whole thing.”  He puts his arm over your shoulders and kisses your cheek.  “That’s okay.  Now that we’re out here it’s all about us because there’s no one here to give a shit.”

“I give a shit.”  You grin.

“I give a shit, too.”

 

A couple trolls treat you like a new toy when you and Karkat first make it to the small clearing, and it only increases when Karkat says you’re going to be living with them.  The cat one is the most excited, you think.  You’re excited to see her too but feel a little bad about it because you’re only excited because she’s a cat.  The one that was telling you the story of Karkat’s own suicide attempt, Kaneye or something, she welcomes you with a smile, but you think that’s her excited.

Karkat’s been dragged away to talk to some other trolls, but they’re really just yelling at him.  So a few people, uh, you mean trolls, still give a shit.  You guess just as long as it’s not your dad you don’t really care what they think.  You hope Karkat didn’t upset him too much when he told him about you.  Even if he’s cross with you now, you know your dad loves you and he’d be devastated if you ever left.

You look down at your wrist.  It’s clear now.  Maybe you can convince your dad it was a lie and the blood came from somewhere else.  When you see him tomorrow you’ll tell him you love him, you always did, and you didn’t try to kill yourself.  In the meantime, you get up and walk over to Karkat, grabbing his hand.

“We’re running low on food.”  One of them says.  She has long black hair and mismatched horns.  She’s pretty.  “Someone’s been taking our berries and we can’t spare any more for a human that has an endless supply of food in his own life, no offense, human.”

“We don’t need to get extras.”  Karkat says.  “He can have half of mine.”

“I don’t have to eat.”  You offer.  “I’ll only be staying for a day.”

“A day?”  Karkat asks, a little like he’s hurt.  “No, at least two.”

“I want to go see my dad and apologise.”

“ _You_ want to apologise?”  He laughs.  “Look, Love, he’ll be there in two days, it’s not like he’s old and about to die.  Just stay, I’ll get you your food.  Two days.”

“One and a half.”

“Fine, one and a half.  Let’s go find some food.”

 

The tall troll that licked you comes along to find some food.  He asks how long you’re staying then asks why not make it a solid two days.  Karkat explains that you want to go say sorry to the person that’s making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

“That’s not true.”  You say as you pick some berries.

“Those are poisonous.”  Karkat says as he picks his own berries with Gamzee at another bush.  “And it is true.  If he didn’t exist and it was just Dirk, things would be so much better.”

“If I were adopted by Bro, sure.”  You drop the berries and wipe your hand on your pants.  “If my dad didn’t exist, I wouldn’t exist.”

“You know what I mean.  Our lives would be so much better if he just magically wasn’t there and it was just Dirk.”

“What does he look like?”  Gamzee asks.

“Just like John,” Karkat says as he walks over to give you his berries.  “Just a little taller and older.  Eat those, Love.”  You scoop half of the berries in his hand onto yours and throw them in your mouth.  “Sorry it’s not as good as what you feed me.”

“Do you dislike him, bro?”

“Karkat.”  You say quickly before he has a chance to answer his friend.  You know he’s not going to try to eat you again, but he still gives you the creeps and you’re not comfortable talking about your problems in front of him.  “Where am I going to sleep?”

“Oh, I made you a bed.  It’s a little wider so it’ll fit the both of us.”  He ducks down and kisses you, but when he pulls away you grab the back of his head to keep him there.  You do it to make Gamzee feel uncomfortable, and only move your hand when you know Karkat isn’t going to stop kissing you.

Karkat slips his hand into the small of your back and takes a step forward so you have no choice but to fall back into his grip.  With your arms around his neck you slowly move your kisses up his cheek so he goes ahead and kisses your neck.   You peer at Gamzee, who stands and watches you; totally comfortable.

“We should go to my bed.”  You say in Karkat’s ear.  Since the kissing plan didn’t work you guess you’ll just have to simply walk away.  “Unless you want to pick more berries.”

“No.”  He says onto your lips.  “Gamzee.”  He pulls away from your face but keeps your bodies just as close.  “I’m going to go show John where he’ll be sleeping because he’s tired.  You don’t have to keep picking berries.”

“I’ve got your back.”  He responds.  “I’ll make everything better.”

“They’re not that low on food.”  Karkat says.  He moves his hands from your body and grabs your hands, leading you off into the forest.  Gamzee is waving goodbye but you ignore him and quickly kiss Karkat’s cheek as you rush through the trees.

 

Only a couple feet off the ground, Karkat’s built a double-wide hammock for you.  You drag him over to it and try it out.  It supports both of you fine, even when you’re rolling around trying to get on top of one another. 

Your third time being on top of him as you kiss, he leaves you be.  His hands run down your sides until he grabs the hem of your shirt and pulls it up to your shoulder blades.  You really don’t want to pull away from him but you do so he can remove your shirt and throw it away, and since you’re already up, you harshly pull his own shirt up over his head and drop it straight onto the ground.

His skin is hotter than yours and rough under your hands.  Sitting up on this lap, you run your fingers along his hip bones which cause goose bumps to form, then when you flatten your hands and run them up his sides he squirms a little because it must tickle.  It’s unbelievably adorable.  You keep moving your hands up, up under his arms which are a little damp, and up until you can find his hands to grab.

“Joh-” He whispers, but doesn’t quite make the word.  You wiggle your hand out of his and stroke down his neck.  “John, we’re ready.”

“I love you.”  You quickly duck down and kiss him to shut him up.  You never really thought about being ready or not ready, but you guess laying on a bed-thing half naked is a good sign that you are.

You pull away long enough to lick your palm and reach down for him.  He lets out a large warm breath onto your mouth and lifts his hips into your hand.  He’s not wearing any underwear, just pants, and he really is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

When his tentacle is what you think is half way out, you take your hand back to yourself.  You lick a little bit of the red off, but it’s really salty so you just wipe it on your pants.

“Don’t stop.”  He orders as he grabs your wrist with his sweaty hand.  “Please.”  He leads your hand back down, and you work on undoing his pants instead.  In return, while not being careful of his nails, he pulls off your own pants and throws them away, followed by the boxers Bro got you.

His tentacle reaches out and grabs you.  At first it’s uncomfortable, because it’s slick and cold, but as more blood flows, you warm up.  He lifts either leg up and places his feet on the edge of the hammock to keep balance, and you suppose this is it.  With a deep breath and a reminder to go slow, you guide your way in.  Your heart beats quicker in your chest, and you hold your breath.  You have no clue what you’re supposed to be doing.  Do you just flop about, or is it teamwork?  Why does his face look like he’s in immense pain?  Should you have your eyes closed too?  Should you stop?  Should you go deeper?  Do you ask what’s wrong or does that kill the mood?  Are you a bad boyfriend if you don’t ask what’s wrong?  What if he likes pain?  He certainly scratches you enough during sexual encounters.  Are you meant to be thinking this much?

“Keep going.”  He says in a strained voice when you stay still like dead fish who is most certainly not doing any flopping.   You go in deeper but then he cries out and manually moves your hips back.  Fuck, you just learned the hard way that your boyfriend doesn’t like pain.  Boyfriend.  You really do love calling him that.  It’s too bad your dad can’t see that.  Why does he have to break his habit of not raising his voice when it comes to you and dating?  It’s unfair.  It’s not like- Shitting fuck your boyfriend is talking to you.

“W-what?”

“I love you.”  He smiles.

 

When you’re all the way inside of him you have to sit still for forever so he can get used to it.  You’ve discovered that sex is disgusting.  When you move, it makes this awful sploshing sound, and his tentacle makes your stomach all sticky.  Then there’s the rest of your body sweating and making you even more sticky, and because it feels so good, the two of you can’t stop gasping, or in his case moaning, for long enough to actually kiss, so you’re just kind of breathing into each other’s mouths.  You’re sure you’ve accidently drooled into his mouth.  Sex is so gross but so amazing and you never want it to stop.

His body twitches every now and again which makes him produce a higher pitched noise.  It’s cute, and you’re very thankful for it because it lets you know that you’re not doing a horrible job.  His hands, or rather, nails, run up your back eagerly when he goes through one of these twitches and despite it stinging, you’re jealous that he doesn’t have to use his hands to hold himself up.

You try to thrust slowly into him so you don’t only last an unbelievably pathetic amount of time, but you can already feel a concentrated cluster of heat making its way upstream.  Since you still can’t kiss, you stick your tongue out and lick up his neck as you move a little faster.  He moans out your name and twitches again, but with this twitch, he lifts up his left leg for a moment while the other one stays pressed against the opposite side of the hammock.

You feel your head hit the ground, bounce up, and slam down again.  Karkat reaches his hand around and rubs it for you.  The dirt in your cuts makes them sting more but Karkat’s not moving from above you so you can’t roll over.

“Are you okay, Love?”  He asks.

“Yeah.”  You lie.  “Smooth move.”

“Sorry.”  He laughs.  You join in too until he begins bouncing his hips on yours.  Your breathing quickens and you arch your back while a soft moan escapes your mouth.  “Are you kidding?”  Karkat asks.  “John are you serious?  You better be kidding.”  You grab his shoulders and squeeze them.  “John, fuck.  I’m not even close!”  He stops moving on top of you and it feels like heavy weight crashes on top of you, but not because of him.  Because of the sudden lack of stimulation.

“Keep going.”  You beg.  You grab his hips and try to pull them up so you have some room to do it yourself.

“No.  John I’m only getting half attention, you keep going on me.”  He grabs your sweaty hand with his sweaty hand and leads it to his tentacle.

Luckily you don’t have to do much.  You wiggle your fingers near it and it just weaves it way through on its own, but it does create more of a mess than it was making before.  He begins bouncing again when you’ve calmed down and you have to try your hardest to be the last one to finish and you succeed by about 0.002 seconds.

You don’t hold back making any noise since there’s no chance your father is going to hear, but you’re still much more quiet than Karkat.  He collapses his sticky body down onto yours and laces your fingers together as you both pant onto each other.

“I love you.”  You whisper into his ear.  “So, so much.”  You wish he weren’t holding your hands so you could hug him, but holding hands is okay too, you guess.

“I love you more.”  He takes his tongue and flicks it over your lip, then slides it into your mouth.  You take your own tongue and run it along his, then open your mouth a little wider and slide into his mouth.  You immediately get cut on his teeth.  This type of kissing makes that exact same stupid sploshing sound and since you can taste blood, you pull away from him.

“Your teeth are too sharp.”  You stick your tongue out to show him, and the sploshing continues.  It’s not either of you making it.  “What is that?”  You ask instead of allowing him to inspect your tongue.  “Can you hear that?”

“I thought it was you.” 

You both turn to the source of the noise and there, sitting at the trunk of a tree not too far away, is the very troll you were trying to get rid of with his hand busy inside his pants.  Karkat quickly scrambles to grab the nearest item of clothing to drape over the two of you and hisses at Gamzee to go away.  He doesn’t respond, just keeps moving his hand.

“Maybe we should just leave.”  You suggest, face red as can be.  “I don’t think he even notices us.”

“Love, he knows we’re here.”  He searches the ground and picks up a small rock to throw at Gamzee.  Hits him square on the head.

“Hey!”  He yells at Karkat like he has any reason to be offended.

“Get the fuck out of here!”  Karkat picks up another and throws it at his hand.  “You saw the whole thing, didn’t you?”

“I ju-ust wanted to study what the older human will look like.”

“Stop masturbating.”  Karkat orders.  “Fuck off.”

He takes his hand out and crawls over closer to the two of you.  You squeeze your eyes shut and bury your head into Karkat’s neck.  For some reason you feel like if you avoid looking at him, the situation won’t be as bad as it already is.

“You’re ruining the moment.”  Karkat says in annoyance.  “For fuck’s sake, don’t get clo-”

“John!”  You all turn to the voice.  No-one’s there, but it’s the voice of your father.

“Don’t worry.”  Gamzee says.  “I’ll make everything better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that 24 might change, i mean, it depends how i go.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am 600% unhappy with this, but I figure I've spent too long fiddling with it and should just post what I've got anyhows before I drive myself mad.
> 
> I know it's been ages since I last updated, but this chapter is like 2 or 3 times longer than my other ones, so it kinda evens out? notreallyimsorry.
> 
> People have been asking me to do more than 24 chapters and to do it again but as Karkat's point of view, but I'm not sure if that's just several people wanting that or not, so I don't know if it'll be worth doing. If enough people want it I can do another chapter /maybe/, but with Karkat's point of view, I don't know. If someone wants to write Karkat's point of view (though I'm certain no one will) they can ask me and see if I've already started it or not, but eh.
> 
> I'm sorry for what you're about to read, but gosh, thank you all so much for sticking with me in this.

Gamzee takes off up a nearby tree.  He doesn’t move very subtly, having leaves fall down as he harshly jumps off of branches.  It doesn’t bother you though, because your attention is quickly drawn to Bro and your dad gaping at you and Karkat lying nude together.  Your dad begins yelling at you but he’s not making a coherent sentence.

“I can explain.”  Karkat says as he stands the two of you up, puts on his pants, and hands you his shirt.  As he attempts to reason with your dad, Gamzee drops out of the canopy and lands on your father’s shoulders.  He grabs a fist of your dads hair, examines his face, then looks up to you.  He does this several times before placing a hand on your father’s chin and his forehead.  His arms flail out and there’s a loud cracking sound before your father falls to the dirt beneath him.

You stare at his limp body with your mouth hanging open and look for movement, but when you don’t find any you scream as tears automatically pour out of your eyes.  It feels like someone has taken their fist and punched a hole in your chest and started ripping out your organs.  You can feel the burning emptiness but for some reason it’s not stopping.  It just keeps going and all you can do is scream.

“Problem’s gone.”  Gamzee says as Bro crosses to you and grabs your hand.

You stop screaming when you trip over a root and land face first in some dirt.  Bro helps you up and the two of you continue running through the trees, hand-in-hand.  It’s hard to run with your breath short and your chest tight, and you’re not too sure but you think you’re having a panic attack.  Bro seems to ignore your struggles and pulls you along with him anyway until he drags you through town into his house.

“Watch him.”  Bro orders, shoving you towards Dave, who is lounging across the couch.  “Make him take a shower to clean himself off.  Do not keep your eyes off of him.  Shower with him.  Don’t leave him alone.  I’ll be back a little later.”  He hesitates before he turns to leave.  “Maybe.”

“Um.”  Dave mumbles, watching Bro leave.  “What was that all about?  Are you okay?  You’re shaking pretty awful.”

You begin to nod then burst into more tears and shake your head no.  He sits up and stares at you while you fall apart in front of him.  Eventually he takes initiative enough to lead you the bathroom like Bro had suggested.  You know you should really clean yourself off, but you don’t think you’re going to be able to think straight enough to do it.  You don’t want to get clean and presentable.  You want to curl up and scream some more.

Dave makes you take a shower and gets in with you.  You mainly just sit on the floor and relive what happened for him.  He’s proud of you for having sex but other than that brief moment of joy the rest of the shower is filled with grief.  Your next concern is with Bro and what he’s up to, so the two of you hurriedly get out of the shower and put on fresh clothes.  Thankfully, sitting in warm water has relaxed you slightly.

 

It doesn’t take a genius to know that Bro’s going back into the forest.  Dave is hesitant to go in, though, and insists that you look around town first.  You know that’s a bad idea, that time’s not on your side, but you let him look anyway.  The last place the two of you check is your house, and after finding it eerily empty as a painful reminder of what just happened, you tell him you have to go into the forest.

The forest is rather quiet too; lacking the constant chatter of birds overhead.  No matter how many times you tell Dave to hurry he continues to move at a snail’s pace.  He believes it is safer than making a racket stomping on twigs as you run.  You’re about to remind him that noisy or not, if the trolls want him dead he will be, but before you can soil Dave’s spirits a troll you don’t know jumps out from the trees.  It looks at the two of you and breaks off a small branch from a nearby tree.

 

When you come to you’re leaning up against Dave, who has his limbs tied together.  He’s looking over at Gamzee resting next to your father’s corpse.  A little ways away to the right is the body of the troll who jumped down from the trees.  It makes you nervous, but not as much as it seems to make Dave.

You sit up and notice you’re not bound at all.  Your movement captures Gamzee’s attention, which makes him rise and walk towards you.  Dave shuffles backwards and ends up falling over with a rather pathetic whine.

“Don’t touch him.”  You say, standing up yourself.  Gamzee takes a step back and motions to Dave.

“Untie him.”  He offers.  “If he won’t run.”  You look to Dave and decide that that’s exactly what he’ll do.

“Why can’t he run?”  You ask.  You hope for it to sound indifferent, but you worry you just sound frightened.

 “Gotta watch you.”  He poorly explains.  “This motherfucker’s with you so I have to look after him too.”

“I don’t need you to look after us.”  You say.  “Have you seen his brother?  Where’s Karkat?”

“Seen lotsa humans.”  He jabs his thumb over his shoulder.  “Karkat’s busy with ‘em.  Stay.”

“What do you mean he’s busy with them?  Where is he?”  You bend down to Dave and begin untying his hands.

“He tried to draw them as far away as he could.”

“Where is he?”  You repeat.  “You owe me this, asshole.  You owe me Bro’s life.”

He quickly sweeps you and Dave up, but instead of leading you to Bro or Karkat like you thought, he throws the two of you at your cold father, and ties all your ankles together.  He then moves the three of you to hang upside down on a branch, and ties both your hands and Dave’s hands together behind your own individual backs.

 

You thrash about, losing your glasses, and scream for Gamzee to return with no luck.  After ten minutes you relax your body and begin crying again.  Dave tries bending backwards to reach his ankles several times, but eventually gives up and flops back down.  You both dangle in the air and share a long silence.

“I hate you.”  Dave finally says.

“I know.”  You reply through sobs.  “I hate me too.”

“Bro’s toast, isn’t he?”  He asks, moving around until his hand grabs yours.

“He’s tough.”  You reassure.  “Karkat will have his back too.  He’s going to be fine.”

“I’m sorry I got you into this.  If I wouldn’t have told your father that I stood up for you you wouldn’t have thrown the fit that lead you in here to meet that troll.  If I kept my mouth shut we wouldn’t be tied up to your dead dad.”

“It’s fine.”  You lie.  “You got me laid.”  This makes him laugh, and in return you laugh a little too.

“How was it?”

“The guy that tied us up was watching and we didn’t figure it out until we were done, but other than that, sticky.”

“Gross.”  He says, his voice dropping out by the end of the word.  “Are we going to die?”

“I’d say so.”

 

You dangle for another five minutes before either of you gain enough sense back to realise you’re holding hands, which means you can untie one another.  You untie Dave’s hands first, so he can sit up and untie all of your ankles, because he’s the one that can see.  The fall isn’t too far down, but it hurts your shoulder anyway.  As soon as he can, Dave puts your glasses on your face and unties your hands.

You sit up and stare at your father.  His skin has become pale and his limbs sit in awkward positions.  Dave puts his hand on your shoulder then motions for you to come with him.  You really don’t want to go find Bro.  You’re scared that he’ll look the same as your dad.  Dave tells you that if you’re both going to die anyway, might as well die caring for people you love.

As you walk through the forest, being cautious of the canopies, you notice a lot of bodies.  Most of them are human, and for every three or so humans, there’s one troll.  You don’t recognise any of them thankfully, and neither does Dave, but it still makes your stomach twist.  Every blonde body Dave sees he makes a small painful squeak and slowly walks over to them, then when he realises they aren’t Bro, he breathes a sigh of relief and comes back to you.  You hope for his sake that Bro’s fine.

There’s much more bodies than the first time you saw some in the forest, and they become more frequent as you get deeper in.  You see no evidence of any live being and you’re not sure if that worries or relieves you.  Dave continuously picks up branches to use as weapons in case you’re attacked.  If he spots a thicker branch he’ll swap a weaker one out and leave it behind.

After twenty minutes of walking with no signs of life besides each other, you’re lifted up from the ground and spun around by a tight force.  Dave screams your name out and you push against the force until you stop spinning and see that it’s only Karkat.  He places you back down on the ground and kisses your forehead.

“Are you okay?”  You ask as you hug him.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.  Are you okay?”

“No.  Where’s Bro?”

“I don’t know.  Go home, Love.  Everything’s okay.”

You let go of him and glance over to Dave.  You agree to go home and say that Dave spends most of his time in the forest, so he’ll know the way back.  He grabs your face and kisses you.   You know it’s because he’s scared of the same thing you and Dave are, so you kiss back shamelessly and tell him you love him.  He tells you he loves you too, not to dawdle, and that he’s going to go find Dirk for you.

Dave asks if Bro is okay when you walk back over to him once Karkat’s left.  You tell him that Bro’s fine, but you’re still going to go looking for him.  He likes this plan, so you head off in the direction Karkat went.  It becomes significantly more dangerous this way due to a small cluster of humans running by looking for the same thing making a lot of noise.  They question why two boys are out fighting, and you explain that you’re not fighting, but you’d love to know why there is a fight being held.

“We’ve been challenged.”  A bald man grins, showing off his godawful yellow teeth while the group continues moving.  “About time too.  I’ve been itchin’ to teach them who the superior human is.”

“Ugh, they’re not-”

“Say, you look real familiar kid.  I know ya?”

“I’m afraid not.”  You say.  “You shouldn’t be travelling in such a large group, sir.  It’ll attract-”

“I know!”  He shouts, shaking a finger in your face.  “You’re the troll boy!  You chose them over us.”

Dave grabs your hand and begins running away with you in the opposite direction.  You turn your head around to see that the bald man has gained some company and is pointing in your general direction, but then there’s a loud hiss and they’re gone from sight.  Dave laughs and stops running, turning around also.  He says that you’re both going to die and that you should tail behind the group.

 

You crouch down in some bushes and wait for five minutes before slowly creeping after the group.  You find them easily, because they make a lot of noise, and stay a good distance behind them in case a troll attacks again.  They lead you straight to where you were hoping to go, but now that you’re here, you’re kind of regretting it.  There’s a lot more human bodies laying around.  Some are just thrown across the ground with their eyes wide, and you suspect they must have died the same way as your dad.  A lot are in pieces, and almost as many have arrows in their chests.

The men you followed run right in, and many of them don’t last long.  A miscalculated arrow flies past you and Dave as you, again, crouch in some nearby bushes.  He gasps and grips your arm tightly as you in return place your hand on top of his.

You scan for Bro or Karkat but come up short.  Dave can’t see them either, and so in your best intrests, you move as silently and low as possible to get away.  You stand up straight too soon and get spotted.  You only notice because of snapping twigs under its feet.  You and Dave turn around and Dave screams.  It’s rather infectious, so you scream too.  The troll grins and leaps up at you.  It all happens very slowly.

Dave raises the hand that isn’t currently clenched in yours up to his eyes.  He lifts a leg up and crouches a little; bracing himself.  You hold your breath and stare at the troll’s many many sharp teeth.  Your gaze is drawn from the creature’s mouth to its hand as it grabs your shirt.  You feel its nails dig into your chest then drag you off to the side, unwillingly pulling Dave with you.  The hand is removed from your chest but it still stings.

“Go!”  Someone yells, but you stay laying across the ground next to a lot of animalistic noises.  “John, go!”  They repeat.  You expect it to be Dave, but the voice is too feminine.  You realise it’s Nepeta.  She’s tackled the strange troll and is fighting him off for you.

Dave drags you up and together you yet again run in the opposite direction to where you’ll find Bro.  You want to complain that he keeps leading you away from your destination but you know it’s for the best.  Still, once you’re a decent enough distance away, you guide him in a way that will lead you around the big mess you just nearly got yourselves into.

Nepeta evidently told Karkat that you’re wondering around getting yourself into danger because soon into the new route of your ever-lasting expidition to find Bro, Gamzee finds you and says you’re in trouble.  Actually, no, he sings it and lobs your father’s head at you, which splashes you with some blood.  You catch it without knowing what’s being thrown at you, but then when you figure it out your automatic response is to drop it.

“He’s real angry.”  Gamzee says.  “Let’s go.”  He begins walking off the way you came.

“His brother.”  You say.  “Karkat can get angry if he wants, just take us to Dave’s brother.”

Gamzee stops for a moment then turns around and walks up to the two of you.  He wraps his arms over your shoulders and tells you that you’re not going to like what you see.  Dave makes numerious shocked noises then asks you what Gamzee means.  You try to grin to him for comfort but you know it didn’t turn out right.

Gamzee leads you both to a body thrown in the bushes.  You can only see his arm and head.  They’re a blonde , and judging by the size of their arm, you’re sure it’s-

“Bro?”  Dave asks, taking a step forward.  The body doesn’t answer, which confirms that it is, at least now, just a body.  Dave looks back at you until you walk up to him and grab his hand for comfort.  Together you finish walking up to Bro.  Dave makes you turn his head since you’ve already held dead-head today.  You slowly turn it then turn around to look at Gamzee.

“This isn’t Bro.”  You tell him.  This man’s nose is too wide and his neck is too long.

“I don’t know who your bro is.”  Gamzee replies.  “But same hair.” 

You sigh and pull the body out of the bushes.  There’s a knife in his chest which you pull out and wipe on his shirt, and he’s holding a bat, which you take and hand to Dave.  You tell him you have less than five minutes to find Bro before Karkat finds you and physically drags you both back to town, and that the quickest way to find Bro will be to get into the action where he’ll be.  Dave jabs the bat lightly into your stomach and yanks the knife out of your hand with a smirk.  You grin back and take the bat.

Gamzee’s of no help.  He doesn’t lead you anywhere, just runs off, presumambly to find Karkat, so you and Dave set off for about the thousandth time in the search of a most-likely dead body.  Every other body you see you search them for weapons.  Most of them have small knives and arrows still shoved into their gross starting-to-smell bodies.  You take each one of them and stuff them into the waist of your pants, just in case.  The troll’s main weapon is bows, and you get a couple of them even though neither of you know how to use a bow properly.  The other weapon they use, which you only found on one body, is a rather large dual axe.  Dave gives you your little knife back in exchange for the axe.  He thinks that’s fair.

You find a couple jars of the cream you have at home, and quickly use it to snuff the burning in your chest from the cuts.  The pair of you shove that into your socks so it’ll be safer and promise to have each other’s backs, quite literally.  You keep your backs glued to each other for a 360 view of anything trying to kill you, and that works for the most part.

Drawing attention with a large axe, Dave is immediately targeted.  It’s too heavy for him, so when he gets the momentum going he can’t stop it and it looks rather intimidating; like he’s highly skilled rather than a klutz.  You have to duck to avoid his swing, but he gets a couple trolls that simultaneously leaped for him, and one human that happened to be standing in the wrong place, so he did well.  Humans notice the large axe as well as trolls, and some humans recognise you like the bald man did.

Soon Dave and you are separated.  You lose track of him just as you assume he’s lost track of you, despite the small number of beings.  Humans begin to attack you too, thinking you’re on the troll’s side.  A human throws the dust that was on Karkat when you first met him at you, but it just sticks against your glasses making it impossible to see.  You discard them.  You figure this dust must be what gives the humans most of their kills, unless they have dumb luck, like Dave.

They take their shitty knife and swing at you, so you take your shitty knife and run.  You’re tackled down by a troll who seems to gain great joy out of your fearful face.  She snaps her jaw in front of you a couple times and laughs as you squirm underneath her.  She showboats before she even touches you, raising her head up and grining at other trolls not paying attention to attract them into her kill.  You take your shitty knife and jab it into her throat, then take it out and slice across it.  She coughs as green blood sprays out of her onto your face.

Another troll pulls you out from under her and takes your knife, throwing it off to the side, followed by yourself.  Either the same troll or another one catches your wrist.  He, like the woman, is proud of his catch, and smirks down at you.  He explains that that was the love of his life you just killed, and squeezes his hand a little tighter.  You fiddle around with the weapons in your pants and pull out a less-shitty knife while he’s distracted by talking.  You quickly swing it and slice his forearm, causing you to be dropped to the ground.  You drop the knife next to you and fire several arrows at him.  Only two hit, and being at such a close range, they go in pretty deep you think, but he seems to be fine despite the small trails of purple dripping down his chest.

He snarls and dives down on top of you.  He takes your arm and bites down into your forearm.  You scream and reach for your knife with your less dominant hand, then begin weakly slicing and stabbing amoung him until he lets you go.  You slice the knife down his face, unsure of what else to do, and stab him in the side of the throat, since that worked last time.  He’s a bloody mess collapsed on top of you, gasping for air and clawing at you with the little energy he has left.  You pat his body down as he dies on top of you but he isn’t carrying any weapon.  After his body’s twtiched you roll him off of you and dig into your sock to heal your arm.

You’re beginning to regret this whole decision to be the reckless hero who finds Bro and saves a family you hated half the members of not even a couple days ago.  Your clothes are clinging to you with blood and you’re sure it makes you look weak.  You can’t find Dave, but you find his axe.  It’s laying in some red blood.  Without thinking of the consequences, you rush over to it and pick it up.  It _is_ heavy, though it probably doesn’t help that your forearm is still all cut open.

Someone grabs the handle and swings it to get it out of your grip.  You hold on for a moment but when they change direction of the swing you slip off.  They walk up to you but it’s just the troll with the broken horn.  He helps you up and appologises because he didn’t know it was you.  He then says he’s sorry about your father, and that Karkat’s looking for you.

“I know.”  You say, rolling your shoulders back to crack them.  “Don’t tell him I’m here.  Have you seen a little blonde boy?  He had that axe before.”

“If a human had the axe they’re dead.”  He responds.  “My condolences.  May I lead you back home to get washed up?”

“No-”

“Of course I may.  It will put Karkat’s mind at ease.”  He leads you through the trees, slicing at any human who come near enough to attack, and up to Nepeta.  He hands her the axe impressively with one hand but she says she doesn’t want it.

“Nepeta make him make me stay.”  You beg.  “I need to find my friends.”

“Equius, help Karkat’s human.”  She orders.  “Then take him away.”

“No.  Stop everyone from fighting, please.”

“The only way to stop it is if a species wins.”  Equius explains.  “For example, if all the humans here are killed, the fighting will stop.”

“There has to be another way.”

“Certainly.”  He agrees.  “If all we trolls were killed the fighting would stop.”

“Trolls and I.”  You correct.  “Since the humans want me dead too.  But why don’t we just like, compromise?  Either way it ends is gonna be pretty tragic, but what if we change it?  Just keep all of us as out of bounds.”

“What makes you think we can not only gather everyone’s attention, but also convince them to not kill you because you’re scared?”

“No, I mean, Dave and I kill all the humans but us and Bro, and you and your friends kill all the-”

“No.”

“It’ll-”

“No.”

“But-”

“No.”

“Listen-”

“No.”

“Nepeta.”

“It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, Equius.”  She agrees.  “There’s only fifteen of us, and most are dead.  It won’t be that hard to do.”

“No.”  He repeats.  “Nepeta I’m not turning my back on my own kind.”

“Please.”  She says, grabbing his free hand in both of hers.  “I really don’t want to have to see John die.  For me, Equius?”  He sighs in response and nods slowly.  She squeals happily and grabs the axe from him, bounding off to use it.

“Don’t die.”  Is all he says before he too leaves you alone.

 

You call out for Dave while you run through individual fights and practice shooting arrows.  Eventually you hear him call your name in return, which is the largest relief you’ve ever felt in your lifetime.  You follow his voice and put your bow away, since you’re a shit shot and there’s a large chance you’ll accidentally hit him.  When you find each other you celebrate with a breif hug and resume going back to back.  You explain to him that you’ve organised a way that no one has to die, and he asks how.  You tell him by killing everyone.

“What?”

“It’s simple.”  You say.  “By killing everyone else here who isn’t friends with us, there’s no chance of us losing.  Karkat’s friends are killing all the trolls before they can kill all of us and probably try to shove us all out of town, and we’re going to kill all the humans that we don’t know so that his friend’s are safe and we don’t have to awkardly explain that there’s a group of trolls left because they’re my boyfriend’s friends.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” He says.  “But it’s better than having to face the trolls with nothing but arrows I can’t fire.”

You agree and hand him one of the shitty knives you have stached away in your pants.  He hands you a little bag of the blinding powder and says if you blind a few they’ll get on edge and end up killing each other out of fear.

The humans are much easier to kill, if they don’t know you and try to kill you first, that is.  You can fake alliance with them and avoid the whole wrestle-on-the-floor-like-idiots part for what you’ve now claimed as a clean kill, even though it’s very bloody and in no way clean.  You haven’t ran into Bro, which is really discouraging, and you’re not sure if with all the pressure of the situation Dave has come across this thought too, but you swear to yourself you’re going to keep your mouth shut about it.

Thirty seconds after the fourth human you kill together, you spot Karkat in the distance.  You know he’s going to be beyond livid with you, and since the remainder of the humans you can see you’ve blinded, you tell Dave you’re taking a break and run off with him in the opposite direction than you want to be, just like old times.  He thinks you’re extremely idiotic at first, but then likes that you’ve drawn him away from the action for the person you run into.

Bro’s main concern is killing Gamzee, and since Gamzee has been following you from afar for Karkat, without Karkat even know he’s doing it, he’s lead Bro right to you, and as if his existence is permission to break, you and Dave make awful about-to-cry noises and rush up to hug him.  But you stop when you notice Dave beside you running to his brother. 

Bro isn’t yours. 

Who’s yours is laying headless against a tree somewhere, destined to be picked apart by bugs.  Who’s yours is never going to forgive you for misusing their trust and risking your life more times than a young man should.    

You slowly back away from the reunion.  You’re never going to have that.  You’re never going to see your father again.  You’re never going to be able to redeem yourself for the scene he walked into.  He’s forever mad at you, and your last words to him will forever be ‘I hate you’.  You decide to go back to finish what you started, and Gamzee jumps down from the trees to join you.  You ask if he could lend you a hand and he’s more than happy to oblige.

Nepeta and Equius seem to have gained contact with all of the others because they’re now magically in the area and there’s significantly less standing bodies.  Gamzee doesn’t showboat or toy with his prey, so he flies through his job a little too excitedly.  Karkat stares at you from a comfortable distance away.  You sigh and run your hand through your stiff-with-blood hair.

“You lied to me.”  He says from where he stands.  “You could have died.”

“I know.”  You mumble to your feet.  “I just had to find Bro.”

“I told you I was going to do that.”

“I know.”  You bite your lip and look up at him.  His eyebrows are pulled down like he’s angry and you regret coming even more.

“Is any of that blood yours?”  He asks.

“Um.”  You look at your arm and nod.  “A little.  I’m so sor-”

“Are you?”

“Leave the human alone.”  The pretty troll, Vriska, snaps.  “It was his idea for a half-assed truce.  If it weren’t for him neither of you would see each other again, and he gave us a good work out so he’s a cool guy for that.”

Karkat glares at her then turns around and leaves.  It hurts.  He shoves Gamzee as he walks past him.  You hadn’t even noticed all of the other trolls come together when you were talking with Karkat.  You guess they’re done with their side of the deal, and yours.  Kanaya explains when you ask that only four of them were originally fighting, and once they turned on their species the trolls didn’t have the upper hand, since their rivals now knew all their tricks, and where to find them.  You simply nod and reply by saying you’re going to go find the striders.

They’re not hard to find, and this time you’re forced into their hug.  You tell them by talking into Bro’s chest that you think it’s over.  Bro says it’s not until Gamzee dies, only he doesn’t call him Gamzee.  You lie and confirm that it’s over, much to his relief, you think, judging by his chuckle.

“I’ve been chasing that elusive asshole all day.”  He says.  “About time he went down.  I’m sorry about your dad, John.”  He ducks down and kisses your bloody forehead.  “You’re going to live with us now, alright?”

“No.”  You mumble without thinking.  “I mean,” You really don’t want to move.  Despite already knowing that your father’s dead, you feel like leaving your house will confirm it in a way that’s going to sting.  “I promised Karkat I’d stay with him.”  You pull away from the hug to look at Bro’s face.

“You’re not living with trolls, John.”  He says blankly.  “Not after today.  Come on.”  He absently runs his hand through Dave’s hair and begins to walk off towards town.  You stay put, though.  “John.”  He warns.

“Not forever.  A week.”

“No, John.”

“Five days.”  You wait a moment for him to agree but he doesn’t.  “Four days.”

“An hour.”

“Three days.”

“Rest of today.”

“Two days.”

“Fine.”  He sighs.  “I want you home tomorrow.”

“Day after tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow evening.”

“Deal.”  You grin.  At least, you hope it’s a grin.

You run off before he can change his mind and find an area in the forest where there’s no signs of life or death.  You sit down against a tree and cry and throw the contents of your pants around you in a fit.  After ten minutes Karkat sits down next to you and pulls you into his lap.  You’re a lot more bloodier than he is, but he doesn’t seem to mind.  He holds out a small jar of cream and asks where you’re hurt.  You just pull your own jar out of your sock and tell him you already covered it.

He refuses to kiss you because you’re so bloody, but holds you against his chest and rocks you as you cry, which is just as good.  Eventually he offers to take you to the steam to clean off.  You agree, only because you know you’ll never do it otherwise.  He helps with spots you miss due to your blurry vision, then kisses you when your mouth is clean.

“You scared me.”  He says, running his hand up your arm.

“I scared myself.”  You laugh a little but it sounds off.  “Karkat I don’t know if we can see each other anymore.”  He doesn’t respond, just pulls a face and takes his hand back to himself.  “I’m moving and Bro doesn’t want me to come here.  I don’t know how we’re going to get in touch.”

“So you’re just giving up and breaking up with me?  Again?”

“That’s not what I’m doing, though I love that you double checked this time.”  You wrap your arms around his waist.  “Karkat, I’m just saying if you don’t hear from me for a couple days it’s because I keep getting caught sneaking out, that’s all.  I still want to see you.”

“I love you.”  He says.

“I love you more.”

You kiss a lot because you know that you’re going to be apart for some time.  You know more than he does that it’s going to be longer than what you said.  You wouldn’t be surprised if it was forever, though you actually hope it’s not.  You convince him between kisses to let you go home alone, but when you’re about to leave he takes it back and leads you out.  It’s probably better this way, since you can’t see well and his hand in yours is comforting.

When you make it close enough to town that you can find your own way through the trees, Karkat kisses you again and tells you he’s going to see you soon.  You agree and only let go of his hand when both of your arms are stretched out as far as they’ll go.  You remind him that you love him and go home.  Not your new home, but your actual home.

You change clothes, grab your spare pair of glasses, and sit on your father’s bed, rolling one of his pipes in your hands.  You wonder if Rose’s mother knows yet.  You wonder how she’ll take it.  You wonder if her last words were kinder.  You really hope it’s not so hard on her, just to spare her the pain.  You crawl under his blankets and wonder about a lot of things until you fall asleep.

You don’t sleep well because your dreams are plagued with the ordeal you went through, and when you do wake you don’t do much of anything but lay.  You expect Ms. Lalonde to walk in soon to collect her various lady items that she’s left in here, but she doesn’t.  You go through your dad’s beside drawers and find one dedicated to you.  He’s kept what looks like every card you’ve ever made him.  You pull out the drawer and pour it onto the bed.

Most of the cards are birthday and father’s day cards, and a few are valentine’s from you.  He’s also got a lot of photos which he’s labeled on the back.  There’s one of you standing in the kitchen labelled ‘First day of school.  Excited.’,  then another of the same pose labelled ‘First day back to school.  Grumpy.’.  You find one of you wrapped up in an ugly blanket with a very pink face.  You’re being held in someone’s arms.  On the back reads ‘John.  Fifteen minutes old.’.  You guess those are your mother’s arms.  You glance over all the photos to find another of her.  There’s a disturbingly close up picture of you being breastfed, then one further back of the same scene where she’s put her hand up to the camera to cover herself.  She has very slender fingers and you look at yours.  You guess you didn’t get them.  Those seem to be the only photos of her.

He’s captured the first time you ever got into the flour.  It’s all over you and the floor.  On the back he asks himself if you’re going to be a chef like him, and that gets you wondering about the shop, but not for long because you get distracted by another photo.  You’re smiling and dressed in a little suit.  On the back your dad has written: ‘Annabelle’s funeral.  Still thinks she’s coming back.’.  It makes you cry again.  Your mother died in the same fashion as your father, yet his body is wasting away in the forest while she got a burial.  You regret not going back for him.  You really are the world’s worst son.

 

You must have cried yourself to sleep, because the next moment you raise your head from your father’s pillow the house is dark.  Bro’s going to be worried about you, but you don’t honestly care.  Your throat’s a little dry, so you grab your father’s pipe and go into the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water.  You only drink half then return to bed.  You try to stop feeling sorry for yourself by feeling sorry for other people, like the couple who now won’t have a cake, but it doesn’t work.  You lost a father, a home, and most likely a boyfriend.  All they’ve lost is a cake.  There’s no competition.  You resume feeling sorry for yourself by lying motionless remembering every bad thing you’ve ever done to your father.

You do this until the sun starts coming up and you hear someone come inside from downstairs.  You assume it’s someone who’s stupid enough to walk into a bakery that’s clearly labelled closed, but then Bro’s voice calls your name.  You groan and pull the covers up over your face, causing a few cards and photographs to fall to the floor.  His voice gets louder as he climbs the stairs with someone else.  There’s too many sets of footprints to be just him.

His voice lowers from yelling when he gets upstairs.  Judging from where his voice is coming from, you’d say he’s checked your bedroom first.  Karkat’s voice says your name in the form of a question from what has to be your father’s doorway.  In response you curl up into a tighter ball.  You hear him walk up to the bed and watch him as he peeks under the covers.

“Love.”  He breathes with a grin, crawling under with you.

 

Bro comes in soon after and yanks the covers off of the two of you.  He pulls his mouth up to one side sympathetically and motions with his head to come to him.  You’re crying again, but you’re pretty sure it’s only because you feel pathetic.  Bro rubs up and down your back as you hug him and asks how you’re going.  You try to talk but it comes out as screams.  You tell him that the last thing you said was I hate you, and that’s all you need to say to make him pull you out of bed and take you to the kitchen.

He makes you and Karkat breakfast, and you ask if Ms. Lalonde knows yet.  He tells you no, but he’ll be the one to tell her, so you don’t have to worry.  He reassures you that you are going to have a funeral, and that Karkat’s invited.

The funeral doesn’t have his body, but that doesn’t matter.  It still puts your mind at ease that you had one.  A lot of people show up and sit as far away from you as possible.  You assume that’s just because of Karkat, but that doesn’t matter either.  He’s learned where Bro lives and comes over often.  He comes over during the day and says people are starting to not care that he’s a troll; they don’t run and hide when they see him, a few even say hello, at least since after the funeral.

 

You stand in the middle of the empty café.  You’re holding your boyfriend’s hand in yours, and cannot, for the life of you, figure out why your father had to die.  You turn your head back to Ms. Lalonde standing behind the counter.  She’s testing out the ovens to see if they need to be replaced with newer models.

“John, honey,” She says.  “There’s a note by the register for you.  The newlyweds thank you for your work on their cake.”

Your name is John Egbert and you love everything to do about cakes.  You know your father knew that you loved him, and you know that he’ll be proud of you for continuing the shop.  Despite the rollercoaster that your life has been recently, you’re pretty happy with where you are right now.

 


End file.
